Love: Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him...

By not gay in AL - 11/05/2014 17:57 - United States

Today, my dad seemed moody, so to lift his spirits, I told him I loved him. He just snorted, "You gay or something, boy?" Really mature, dad, really mature. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 309

You deserved it 5 462

Love

Walk the line

Best teeth in the game

Spreading

By unemployed - 10/07/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I was at a second interview for a job that I really need as I got laid off last month. Midway through the interview, I went to cross my legs and realized I had 2 different shoes on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 063

You deserved it 20 830

By asdfghjkl_12 - 25/02/2009 04:33 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend owns and wears more thongs than I do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 624

You deserved it 6 666

By Anonymous - 17/02/2010 07:39 - United States

Today, it's my 18th birthday. Last month was my best friend's 18th birthday. She spent the night with me, and the next morning, my mom and brother gathered in my room and sang "Happy Birthday" as they handed her pancakes with a candle on top. Today, I was woken up by screams to take the trash out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 177

You deserved it 2 587

By fatcat - 05/09/2018 16:30 - United States - Tulsa

Today, I was told to stop processing certain transactions at work because I'd tried to make rich people follow the same tax rules that we force poor people to follow to the letter. I'm guessing it won't be too long till I'm fired and blacklisted from this career I've had ten years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 051

You deserved it 220

By JennaMarie - 26/07/2009 15:16 - United States

Today, I was in the car with my husband complaining about the way I look. His response, "Babe, if I cared about the way you looked I wouldnt have married you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 298

You deserved it 17 743

By Narehs - 13/01/2010 01:05 - United States

Today, I was the only cash register open at the local supermarket. I had to sell condoms and chocolate frosting to my ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 123

You deserved it 2 880

By overachiever - 18/07/2009 21:35 - United States

Today, I proudly informed my boyfriend that I am now a size 4, down from an 18, after months of dieting and exercising after he told me he would like me to be a size 6. He broke up with me for "not listening to what he wanted" and "being an overachiever". FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 902

You deserved it 8 423

By justgreat - 24/03/2012 02:30 - United States - Opa Locka

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep while giving me head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 6 177

By StockedWithJuice - 06/07/2013 15:14 - United States - Austin

Today, I found out that my 16-year-old son bought a huge amount of grape juice, because he thought he could store it under his bed and wait for it to turn to wine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 704

You deserved it 5 316

By Noname - 15/03/2009 05:39 - United States

Today, I went to a birthday party for my friend's daughter. I picked up a gift for the girl and another for her parents. I got the mother a cute little garden stone that read "What our children see in the world depends on what we show them." Later, I found out her daughter is blind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 474

You deserved it 17 189

By Anonymous - 07/01/2013 00:24 - United States - Boise

Today, while out hiking, my phone slipped out of my pocket. I caught it and gave it to my little cousin, giving her a "special mission" to keep it safe. When we got back to our cars later, I asked her for my phone back. Turns out she left it under a shrub back in the hills so it'd be "safe." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 310

You deserved it 38 409

By Anonymous - 31/08/2012 02:47 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I got rear-ended. An old woman got out and came over to my car window. I thought she was coming to apologize and trade insurance companies. Instead, she poured her soda on my head, ran back into her car, and drove away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 567

You deserved it 1 798

By arghh - 29/09/2009 09:43 - Australia

Today, I was on a tram and I noticed an older lady having trouble getting down the stairs. I immediately got up to help her, dropping my bag on the seat accidentally. As I went to get back on the tram, the doors closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 708

You deserved it 5 554

By im_radd - 21/01/2010 07:31 - United States

Today, while in the waiting room at the chiropractor's office, I thought I'd be sexy and flash my boyfriend. Forgetting that my iPhone was in the front pocket of my hoodie, I lifted it quickly and hit myself in the mouth. Now I have a fat bloody lip and a boyfriend who can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 728

You deserved it 46 910

By jobless - 16/05/2012 07:36 - United States - Groton

Today, I found out that I am allergic to grass, and not supposed to mow lawns. My job is mowing lawns. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 989

You deserved it 2 388

You're going to hell

By he's not the one going to hell - 12/09/2014 21:11 - Australia

Today, some assface hacked my recently deceased friend's Facebook account. The person changed my friend's location to "Hell", then posted a status saying how hot the weather was, and replied "I wish :'(" to someone who'd said my friend was in a better place now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 926

You deserved it 3 393

You went too far

By Dia - 02/05/2021 05:01

Today, I tried to prank my brother with the butter floor prank after coming back from work. As a result, my brother stepped out of ER with an arm cast, stitches on his head and a neck collar. FML

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 1 984

By youngblood - 20/06/2011 01:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. His reason was because he's moving away for college. That won't be for another year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 628

You deserved it 4 791

By Hopeless - 08/02/2011 03:22

Today, I found out the real reason why me and my boyfriend of four and a half months have "so much in common". He used to be my stalker, who followed me around in a black hoodie and always posted stuff on my Myspace as an anonymous person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 796

You deserved it 6 095

By coughandcold - 27/03/2009 01:45 - United States

Today, I was feeling sick and having trouble breathing easily. I decided to take a nap and apparently ended up sleeping with my mouth wide open since breathing was an issue. I woke up to my boyfriend trying to put his penis in my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 189 614

You deserved it 37 860

By Raset24 - 30/06/2016 17:40

Today, it was my last day at my job. My team made a little party for me so they could wish me well and say goodbye, but when it came time for my manager to give a little speech, she couldn't even remember my name. I've been working there for two years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 632

You deserved it 1 060

By morgie96 - 19/08/2014 04:11 - United States - Pompano Beach

Today, on Facebook, all these parents posted photos of their child's last first day of high school, saying they were so proud as they left for senior year. It was my first day of senior year today, but my parents just gave me a high-five for not doing drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 992

You deserved it 8 920

By Anonymous - 29/06/2014 16:18 - United States - Surprise

Today, less than a week after ranting to my husband about how sick some people are to sexualize characters from kids' TV shows, I looked through his browser history and found out he's very much into Powerpuff Girls porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 895

You deserved it 9 094

By TragicallyAnxious - 09/05/2019 10:00

Today, I had a draft paper due that I hadn’t written yet. I decided to skip the class to avoid embarrassment. Later, I went to change my major and was told to go to room 223 to talk to the English department head. I knocked on the door and the professor whose class I'd skipped answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 574

You deserved it 2 372

By sealy - 28/12/2010 07:44 - United States

Today, I was told I sound like a seal barking when I orgasm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 975

You deserved it 7 844

By glowstick - 30/06/2009 06:07 - United States

Today, my dog ate my little brothers medication. I spent all morning trying to make him throw it up, but it wasn't working so I took him to the animal hospital, which was in a different city. $150 in poison control and vet bills later, I found the pill we thought he ate stuck under his paw. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 583

You deserved it 8 171

Classic narcissist

By Vanessa - 28/04/2021 13:59

Today, my mother-in-law had a bitch fit because I had a miscarriage and my husband and I are having a difficult time. It’s her birthday and she said I should, “stop being an attention-hogging drama queen” and that, “shit happens, get over it” She doesn’t see what's wrong with her statements. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 292

You deserved it 107

By Okay_Then - 01/01/2014 23:49 - United States - Grand Rapids

Today, a customer started a conversation by telling me how smart he'd heard I am, and finished it by explaining his theory that only smart people commit suicide. He then gave me a knowing look and said, "Just something I thought you should think about," and left without buying anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 027

You deserved it 3 025

By siighh - 06/07/2011 14:52 - Australia

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 267

You deserved it 3 235

By GlueAndCarrots - 29/05/2015 15:05 - Canada - Markham

Today, my girlfriend threatened to break up with me because I crossed the street without holding her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 160

You deserved it 4 325

By Goosey - 12/12/2009 17:26 - United States

Today, I was on Tiger TV, our high school's monthly TV program which was shown at lunch today. I was being interviewed and at one point the reporter made me laugh. I have a goose laugh so everyone in the lunch room started laughing. Then they played it in slow motion. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 463

You deserved it 4 227

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 04:19 - United States

Today, my father in law drunkenly announced at dinner that he wished my husband had married my best friend. No one stuck up for me. Not even my husband. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 329

You deserved it 3 365

By cloudish - 21/05/2017 12:00 - Germany

Today, I finally had the guts to tell my best friend that I like him more than just as a friend. I was about to tell him when he excitedly told me that he met the love of his life yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 989

You deserved it 594

By IhatebeingtheDD - 15/10/2010 14:08 - United States

Today, I was the designated driver for my friend's 21st birthday. On the way home from the bar, he threw up all the pasta and tequila he'd had onto the back seat of my car, and told me it was part of his whole party plan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 385

You deserved it 4 066

By Dunzo15 - 02/05/2009 06:28 - United States

Today, I had my first job interview and didn't have much of an appetite because of the nerves. So I grabbed a brownie that my roommate had left in the fridge and ate it on the train ride in to the city. About 20 minutes into my interview I was so stoned I couldn't speak. FML

I agree, your life sucks 202 044

You deserved it 51 596

By chinesef000d - 29/08/2009 05:38 - United States

Today, I was sleeping in my apartment when I woke up to the smell of smoke. Alarmed, I ran out to the kitchen to find my roommates trying to put out a fire on the stove. As soon as they saw me, they ran for it, informing me that it was my problem now. They used my good frying pan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 899

You deserved it 3 172

By ishouldhavebeenbornrich - 14/09/2016 16:28

Today, at work, a man wanted to buy a garden hose which came up on the till as £1.99. He said that it was wrong and that it should be £1.89, so he then demanded that I called someone down to set it right. He held 20 customers up for 15 minutes to get 10p off a garden hose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 503

You deserved it 1 214

By heartbroken - 22/01/2010 01:18 - Canada

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me, all because whenever I laugh I say "lol." FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 222

You deserved it 113 912

Happy birthday?

By Not really - 19/07/2018 15:00

Today, I picked up a birthday card for my dad at the supermarket in a mad rush. I didn’t realise that the inside said “From your daughter”. He thinks this was my way of coming out as trans, and said that he suspected it for years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 285

You deserved it 1 000

This is us

By Anonymous - 29/05/2021 19:59

Today, my husband asked me to check his asshole to see if his haemorrhoid had grown any bigger. This is my life now, all romance gone, and having to check his hairy ringpiece every day, and our kids wonder why I drink before I can fall asleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 898

You deserved it 405

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Top comments

KingLewisII 34

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:41

No humor like dad humor

VonBlitzkrieg 27

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:49

If he thinks it's gay for a son to love his father, he either had a bad childhood or he's got some backwards-ass way of thinking.

That_Ginger 18

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:40

Freud.

gjikvtj 18

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Monday 12 May 2014 5:24

The best straight router bits on the market

KingLewisII 34

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:41

No humor like dad humor

MisterEx 28

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Monday 12 May 2014 5:26

#2 - No homo-r like dad homo-r

tigerborn69 18

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:41

pms much

silvercamaro 22

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Monday 12 May 2014 2:18

I don't think men tend to pms

KingLewisII 34

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Monday 12 May 2014 2:31

Actually they do it occurs in some middle aged men it's called "Irritable male syndrome"

hashshim 21

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Monday 12 May 2014 20:12

22: I highly doubt that occurs after a man goes through his period...

threer 30

Monday 12 May 2014 21:38

PMS=Premenstrual Syndrome. How can men have premenstrual syndrome if they don't menstruate? IMS is a way different thing.

liketenpandas 6

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Saturday 17 May 2014 8:41

yeah IMS is just a guy having a really bad day. don't try to put some stupid medical name to it. if there was a cause I.E. estrogen put into his diet then I digress... however most men dont have any issues like this. unless they just somehow grow ovaries. which would be strange indeed.

psycheiris13 20

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:46

He was probably embarrassed that you noticed he was feeling down, and reacted defensively to save his ego. Good for you for at least trying to make him feel better.

cakefete2 30

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Monday 12 May 2014 4:00

Good point. The make ego is such a fragile thing.

VonBlitzkrieg 27

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:49

If he thinks it's gay for a son to love his father, he either had a bad childhood or he's got some backwards-ass way of thinking.

sythe511 28

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Monday 12 May 2014 20:51

I think you mean "bass-ackwards".

shinigami99 10

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:49

His spirits weren't the only thing you lifted ;D

shinigami99 10

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Monday 12 May 2014 2:01

Why vote me down? Sheesh, I was just trying to raise some spirits!

KingLewisII 34

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Monday 12 May 2014 2:07

Do you even "lift" bro?

shinigami99 10

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Monday 12 May 2014 2:14

WOOOO!! DOWNVOTE CHAIN!! DOWNVOTE ME!! :D

shinigami99 10

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Monday 12 May 2014 21:10

So I have a question. I made a pun (Yes I know it was cheesy) , and it gets downvoted completely. But then some guy comments with "You an idiot or something, boy?" , the most bland and unoriginal insult I think I've ever heard on this site, yet it get's dozens of likes. Yeah, sounds like the FML community alright.

threer 30

Monday 12 May 2014 21:41

Your little ";D" pissed me off. Positivity pisses me off. Positivity pisses the FML community off. Stop getting butthurt, his comment was funny, less stupid than your comment, and relative to the FML. Shoo, fly.

shinigami99 10

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Monday 12 May 2014 22:04

"relative to the FML" , His comment was in NO WAY relative to the fml.

jr_mtz01 7

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Wednesday 14 May 2014 0:20

its not funny, deal with it, move on, live! it aint a dik so dont take it so far up your arse

liketenpandas 6

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Saturday 17 May 2014 8:46

it's definitely relative, he made a reference to the "you gay or something boy?" comment in the fml

kingdomgirl94 28

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Monday 12 May 2014 1:52

love you dad, no homo. some dads are really bad with affection. He probably said that because he's too embarrassed to say "I love you too", its an older person thing.