Love and Health: Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything... - FML

By GasFromThePast - United States - Cambridge

Today, I smelled gas when entering my apartment. I checked everything and then left to seek help. I was told to call 911, which resulted in two firetrucks and 10+ firefighters, one of which was my high school sweetheart, entering my messy apartment and finding nothing wrong. FML

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Out of it

Masterchef 2020

Good deeds

By Lordofdance

Today, the only way my newborn sleeps is if I dance around with him strapped to me. Six hours and counting. FML

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By abutorac951

Panic! At the Costco

Today, I had to drive over an hour away to buy toilet paper. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Denver

Today, I felt kind of horny for once, so I texted my boyfriend to let him know he'd be getting some action later. He replied "I'm gonna fucken murder ur pussy when I get back!! :D" And just like that my sex drive once again crashed through the floor. FML

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By Anon - Singapore - Singapore

Today, my mum asked me, "Shouldn't you be cleaning your room?" On impulse, I replied, "Shouldn't you be in the kitchen?" I've never been hit so hard in my life. FML

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By spriggs - United States

Today, I was walking down the street and spotted a man who was about 6 and a half feet tall passing by me. As he passed me, I turned and asked him "How's the weather up there?" He then turned around, spat on me, and replied "Raining." FML

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By Meghan Elise

Today, I found that there were charges of almost 2,000 dollars on my bank account. Some asshole in Florida stole my money. I have bills and that was money I saved to buy myself a new car. FML

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By BiteMe - United States - Upper Marlboro

Today, my dentist told me I have a cavity and blamed it on the "subpar" toothpaste I've been using - the same toothpaste he recommended six months ago at my last appointment. FML

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By dinosaucer - United States

Today, I was accused of masturbating during work. I was actually just getting something out of my pocket. FML

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By Nick - United Kingdom

Today, I got out of the wrong side of the bed. Into a wall. FML

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By Chin... uh.... - United States - Phoenix

Today, I've learned two things. One, my Chinese cousins don't know much about the USA, and two, they now believe it's proper manners to shout, "FREEEEDOM" before ending a call with me. FML

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By hhhhhhhpeterwut - United States - Bethesda

Today, as my lame excuse to not give a guy I met at a club my phone number, I told him I didn't have a cell phone. Guess what I checked when he asked me what time it was a few minutes later. FML

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By Anonymous - United Kingdom

TODAY, I PRESSED CAPS LOCK ON MY LAPTOP AND THE KEY GOT STUCK. NOW ALL OF MY LETTERS ARE IN CAPITAL LETTERS. I HAVE TRIED EVERYTHING. FML

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By WTF

Today, I was awoken by my neighbor pounding on my back door at 3 am, only to look outside and see my car engulfed in flames. FML

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By scarred

Today, I saw a naked woman for the first time. Too bad it was my 73-year-old grandmother, who was doing gymnastics in the nude. I can’t unsee this. FML

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By starboi - United States - Weaver

Today, I heard a girl say, "Darth Vader is that black guy from Star Trek, right?" FML

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By sherronj - United States

Today, I announced to my family that I will be trying out for the next season of America's Best Dance Crew. They responded by laughing hysterically and my mother said "You guys suck, good luck making it past auditions". FML

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By upsetandannoyed - United States

Today, my friend set me up with a cute guy who is very germaphobic. So, I spent 4 hours cleaning my apartment. 2 minutes into the date, I sneezed. He politely told me he wasn't feeling well and left. FML

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By cumbucket cops - United States - Barberton

Today, I found out that my unemployed husband has his own web-comic, that he makes money off it, and that it mainly involves the main character's airhead, money-grubbing wife ruining his life. She looks strikingly like me and shares my name. FML

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By toastedguy - United States

Today, I went on my first date in a long time. We went to see "New Moon." After the girl stole my hat, I grabbed her phone. While trying to get it back, she held a lighter to me, threatening me. Next thing I know my beard is on fire, so not only did I have to sit through horrible acting, I got burnt. FML

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By fmymouth - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I found out that the motorcycle I paid cash for was an illegal import. My plates are canceled, I have to turn in the bike for it to be destroyed, and the seller has vanished off the face of the planet. FML

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By Anonymous - 7/1/2021 08:02 - Netherlands - Almere

People are people

Today, after almost 2 months of working from home alone, I was out walking and heard 2 guys talking. One was sitting in his car smoking weed; the other was standing next to the car telling him how he was tested positive today. Maybe not mention you are Covid positive when you're not supposed to be in public at all. FML

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By nosymptoms - United States

Today, my boyfriend of three months told me he's going to get tested for STDs, because he's worried about a previous partner. I'm grateful for his thoughtfulness, but I'd be even more grateful if we hadn't already slept together several times. FML

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By nohair - United States

Today, I shaved my head because I heard that one of my good friends got cancer. I went to visit her in the hospital. She's not bald. FML

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By LonelyAngel22

Today, out of curiosity, I took an online test to see if I have ADHD. Halfway through, I got so distracted and bored that I gave up. Guess I know the answer. FML

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By loon - France

Today, the girl I'm secretly in love with, whom I was talking to on MSN, told me she'd "brb in 10, no wait 20, oh make that 30 min" depending on her boyfriend's stamina. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after uprooting my life to help my boyfriend, I realized I receive more affection from my landlord's dog than I have from my boyfriend since I've moved here. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Chandler

Today, I hooked up with a girl at a club, and we had sex. She just lay there like a corpse the whole time. It got so bad, I ended up faking an orgasm and blaming the lack of semen on a botched vasectomy. She actually believed it. What the hell? FML

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By college student - United States - Oxford

Today, I woke up with a vicious hangover. It wouldn't have been so bad if I hadn't woken up to dozens of cans strewn all over the floor. I don't remember buying half the store's supply of pork and beans. FML

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By Karen - United Kingdom

Today, I was hurrying for the bus home from work. It was raining and I had my umbrella up. As I hurried by two women, I felt my umbrella hit one of them on the head. I turned to apologise and saw her standing with her hands on her newly bald head. My umbrella had lifted her wig off her head. FML

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By ohhaithur

Today, my mom accused me of stealing $350 from her. She didn't accuse my unemployed brother, who just bought a brand new iPhone. Even after he confessed to her, she thought he was covering for me. My brother has a criminal record for theft. FML

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By Got_any_grapes1 - United States

Today, the girl I was babysitting was being disrespectful to me, so I took away her stuffed animal and told her that she couldn't have it back until she apologized. She ended up sneaking onto my laptop and deleting all the pictures I'd saved from my recent vacation to Europe. FML

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By Maggie - United States

Today, my husband woke up, rolled over, and said, "Good morning, beautiful." He hasn't called me that in months, but as I was about to reply, I realized he was talking to his pet turtle, not me. FML

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By special-ingredient - Canada

Today, I came home tired and hungry from work. I put my feet up and sat down with a big bowl of chips and salsa. I thought I must have been really hungry because my regular no-name salsa tasted way better than usual. I looked down to examine the jar. Looks like I like the taste of mold. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my dad texted me, saying "My dicks so hard 4 u". I'm desperately hoping he meant to send that to his girlfriend instead. FML

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By nohalloweenforus

Today, it's Halloween and my boss changed his mind at the last minute, telling us we're no longer allowed to carve pumpkins in our lunch hour because, "It would be too distracting". What are we supposed to do with 12 pumpkins now? FML

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By Catholicguy - United States

Today, I was about to propose. I got on my knee in front of my girlfriend and opened the box. My friend thought it would be funny to replace the ring with a condom. FML

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By make america date again - United States - Blacklick

Today, after months of daily migraines and doctor's visits, I've now been told that my "temporary" hearing loss has nothing to do with my migraines, nor is it temporary at all. FML

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By serenti - Sweden

Today, my boyfriend told me that the only reason he likes me is because I let him watch porn without throwing a fuss. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - San Francisco

Today, I asked my girlfriend what she loves the most about me. She said it's the fact that I look like her cousin. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I offered my seat to an elderly lady on the subway. She quietly refused. Minutes later on a sharp turn, she almost fell down on two people. Clearly the youngest in the disability seating section, everyone on the train turned and glared at me. FML

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Top comments

By Deez_Knots | 10

#7728054 - Sunday 25 November 2018 0:33

Better safe than dead. You did the right thing. I do Carbon monoxide and gas leak checks all the time with my fire department and I run into people I know all the time. I don’t even pay attention to how messy their houses are. I’m sure he’s the same way and doesn’t care

By Christopher Killebrew | 6

#7728015 - Saturday 24 November 2018 22:51

I agree that sucks but better safe than sorry

COMMENTS

By Christopher Killebrew | 6

#7728015 - Saturday 24 November 2018 22:51

I agree that sucks but better safe than sorry

Reply

bonsai | 11

#7728019 - Saturday 24 November 2018 22:58

I agree

By RichardPencil | 30

#7728032 - Saturday 24 November 2018 23:21

Perhaps you are the source of the gas?

Something is wrong.

By BeachMammal | 8

#7728040 - Saturday 24 November 2018 23:41

You can also call the gas company if you smell gas. (From outside the home. You should still get everyone out and don't switch anything on or off.) Probably the best option if it is just a mild odor.

By Deez_Knots | 10

#7728054 - Sunday 25 November 2018 0:33

Better safe than dead. You did the right thing. I do Carbon monoxide and gas leak checks all the time with my fire department and I run into people I know all the time. I don’t even pay attention to how messy their houses are. I’m sure he’s the same way and doesn’t care

By whiskey'swino | 15

#7728061 - Sunday 25 November 2018 1:58

Better than running into your ex while having horrendous gas.

By Phillycheeze | 20

#7728118 - Sunday 25 November 2018 5:00

I work for the Gas company. You did the right thing.

By Chris Smith_1291676952 | 8

#7728121 - Sunday 25 November 2018 5:13

You know what they say, she who smelled it, dealt it.

By Paul B. Gyurcsanszky | 14

#7728518 - Monday 26 November 2018 3:12

Well, you did the right thing. Bonus, now you don’t have to clean your apartment when you invite your crush over!