Love: Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm... - FML

By looke27 - 13/11/2010 07:21 - United States

Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 232

You deserved it 37 457

Compromises

Men and their balls

Gummy

By SadAndDeaf - 02/09/2014 23:38

Today, my sister introduced me to her new, deaf boyfriend. She proudly proclaimed that she was trying to learn sign language for his sake, so he wouldn't have to read her lips. I'm also deaf and have been trying to get her to do the same for me for 20 goddamn years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 644

You deserved it 3 102

By sadsadperson - 07/09/2011 08:51 - Australia

Spicy

Today, I lied to my diary about getting laid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 839

You deserved it 30 767

By Cantunsee - 26/08/2018 06:00

Spicy

Today, I found out just how close my boyfriend has been getting to our new neighbour's teenage son. I came home from work to find them on my bed and my "straight" boyfriend head down ass up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 013

You deserved it 403

By mario - 02/03/2019 19:00 - United States - Corvallis

Today, my roommate ran out of filter tips so he cut up my chemistry note cards for his joints. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 246

You deserved it 193

By Anonymous - 20/01/2016 05:05 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, I found out if a tree falls in the forest and there's nobody around, it does in fact make a sound, and also $5,000 worth of damage to your truck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 916

You deserved it 1 568

By jzone32 - 14/10/2009 05:45 - Canada

Today, I had my first job interview in years. While I was waiting for the manager to come out I realized I had forgotten the resume that I had printed out the night before, since he specifically asked me to bring one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 300

You deserved it 28 208

Sore

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 20:01

Spicy

Today, a few hours after me and my husband had sex, he mumbled "This is why I hate sex," as he left to grab some Tylenol. Apparently, he's so out of shape that basic sex made his muscles too sore to sleep. This is the first time in 2 weeks we've had sex. I'm always the one that has to ask for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 305

You deserved it 242

By Anonymous - 26/03/2011 06:24 - United States

Today, I was sitting in Walmart and I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with "You know I'm a guy right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 804

You deserved it 17 330

Delayed proposal

By Anonymous - 18/07/2020 23:02

Today, my girlfriend found the engagement ring I bought and assumed it was a late birthday present. She’s now wearing it on her right hand like a signet ring and she somehow hasn’t figured out it’s a diamond and not a Swarovski. I'm now waiting for her to figure it out before I pop the question. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 653

You deserved it 366

By britney - 15/02/2010 02:54 - Canada

Today, I got flowers sent to my work, I happily opened them in front of my co-workers thinking they were from my crush, I open the card to see "Love you, from mom". My mother thinks my love life is so pathetic, thats she needs to send me flowers to cheer me up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 073

You deserved it 5 572

By NotTellingYouMyName - 28/11/2013 06:26 - United States - South Salem

Today, with my name sounding vaguely like 'Turkey' and being in the phonebook for business purposes, people keep calling, offering to stuff me for Thanksgiving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 731

You deserved it 3 603

By joshua - 06/08/2011 00:18 - United States

Today, I started work at my new job. I was excited to have been given an office of my own, but shortly after sitting down at my desk, the door across the hall opened and an unspeakably murderous stench that could've curdled milk seeped in. My office is opposite the men's room. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 640

You deserved it 2 745

By Anonymous - 20/04/2014 17:58 - United Kingdom - Wigan

Today, I found out that even though my girlfriend of 3 years believes sex before marriage or even me just jacking off is a big no, doing online strip-shows for money is a big yes for her. Both times that I've proposed, she claimed she isn't "ready" for marriage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 483

You deserved it 9 494

Cats > Babies

By Anonymous - 11/02/2020 14:00

Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent 2 hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after 5 minutes, then 5 minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 901

You deserved it 393

By Sugao - 10/12/2008 07:48 - France

Spicy

Today, during foreplay with my boyfriend, I put my legs around his neck. He pushed them away violently, shouting, "Bloody hell, it's prickling me!" I'd shaved the day before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 923

You deserved it 7 580

By BadNurse - 11/02/2017 20:00 - United States - Evansville

Today, I learned that the manager I switched jobs to escape 7 months ago will be my new boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 303

You deserved it 527

By serialkillingex - 07/05/2013 07:45 - Netherlands

Today, my ex won a writing competition. His story was inspired by our relationship. In it, I'm a serial killing prostitute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 085

You deserved it 8 060

By Anonymous - 30/05/2013 20:25 - United Kingdom - London

Today, my mum made me take her poodle on a walk, which she'd dressed in a tiara and a pink dog dress. Being a 19-year-old guy, I was pissed. After I got home, I saw that my mom had filmed me from the window and posted it to Facebook, to everyone's great delight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 432

You deserved it 6 096

By Screwed - 01/05/2017 14:00

Today, I was informed that- despite an already skeletal staff- my supervisor is leaving the company. Tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 316

You deserved it 303

By jabba - 05/10/2010 21:01 - United States

Today, I saw a spider crawling on my new roommate's cheek, so I told her to stand still so that I could flick it off. Several long seconds of flicking made me realize that it wasn't a spider at all. I had been flicking her hairy mole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 660

You deserved it 34 734

By Anonymous - 12/01/2011 05:09 - United States

Today, at the job I've had for eight years, I finally got the raise I was supposed to get a year ago. One hour later I found out the store was closing and we were all out of a job in two weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 409

You deserved it 2 230

Police Academy 26

By Nony - 08/06/2021 22:01

Today, during one of my final exams at university, the police academy across from the class decided to practice their marching. With the full band of bagpipes. For the entire 3 hours. I have a headache verging on migraine and start humming the marching beat occasionally. FML

I agree, your life sucks 833

You deserved it 64

Bro, do you even lift?

By Anonymous - 30/01/2021 17:01 - United States

Today, I sprained my bicep. The urgent care doctor told me to take it easy on weight lifting. When I told him I hurt myself holding a book, he had to leave the room because he couldn’t stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 217

Don't hate the player…

By He who is free of sin casts the first stone. - 16/06/2021 14:01

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend confessed to me that she'd cheated on me with my best friend. I can't get mad at her, because I cheated on her with him before she did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 224

You deserved it 1 722

By Anonymous - 06/04/2009 17:15 - United States

Today, I was going on a dinner date with a girl I had just met. After I picked her up I asked her if she would like to get lobster. She looked at me and asked if those were the red ones. Confused I nodded. She replied, "Sorry, I don't eat red meat." I laughed. She was serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 066

You deserved it 5 972

By laughxlove - 23/08/2010 04:03 - United States

Today, I went to see my mother with my kids. Before, I had told my son to give her hugs and kisses and I would buy him candy. He did, but then he told her that I said that. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 796

You deserved it 32 850

By frozensolid - 24/01/2013 21:25 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I waited over 30 minutes in freezing cold weather for my bus. When it finally arrived, I went to get on board, but slipped and fell on the icy ground. The driver waited a whole 2 seconds before snorting, "Ain't nobody got time for this shit", closing the doors, and driving off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 172

You deserved it 3 222

By unlucky - 19/09/2009 19:05 - United Kingdom

Today, was my birthday. I asked for a camera - nothing fancy, just a basic digital camera. My mother bought my brother a fancy digital camera, with all the accessories, for over £200. She then gave me his old, analogue camera, that I can't get film for anymore. He hates taking photos. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 103

You deserved it 3 054

That sucks

By Rich - 09/08/2021 23:01 - United Kingdom

Today, whilst having a bath, I sucked a cup and it stuck to my face, as I’m sure others have done, right? However, the genius I am sucked it too hard and for too long, and managed to give myself a love bite goatee. The next week at school is going to be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 196

You deserved it 884

By TheBetterRedhead - 28/03/2017 12:00

Today, on my way home from grocery shopping, two young adults around my age came up and asked me for a lighter. Thinking they just needed it to light a cigarette, I handed them my only lighter. They immediately ran away. I got robbed for a 1.99$ lighter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 775

You deserved it 507

Encouragement

By peallow - 12/05/2013 05:01 - Puerto Rico - San Juan

Today, I asked my father if he was proud that I have never done drugs, never drank alcohol, never had sex, never had psychological problems, never been to the hospital for something serious, never been in a fight and maintain good grades. He told me I was a boring daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 074

You deserved it 20 288

By Lena - 27/03/2009 04:07 - United States

Today, I got a small scar on my faced removed at a plastic surgeon's. Afterward, I told my mom that losing the scar felt weird, like I lost something that gave me character. My mom replied, "Don't worry, you have plenty of other flaws to give you character." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 961

You deserved it 7 553

By The_HML - 24/03/2009 02:48 - United States

Today, I was swimming in the ocean, not too far off shore. I had asked my mom to come in, but she was afraid of the water because fish had nipped at her toes or something back in the day. I told her there was nothing to fear. I ended up getting stung in the balls by a Jelly fish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 72 908

You deserved it 11 121

By Jessica - 27/12/2011 04:11 - United States

Today, I found out that my best friend won $1,000 in a photography contest. With a photo I took. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 540

You deserved it 3 046

OCD FML

By k…… - 13/10/2021 03:00 - United States - Denver

Today, I watched a tutorial video on YouTube. In the video, the guy had several apps with 50+ red notification dots on them, and it bothered me so much that I couldn’t even finish the video. I couldn’t find a single other video that could help me with my particular issue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 401

You deserved it 647

Grab it while you can

By Arabian_Soap - 31/05/2021 16:01 - Australia - Mermaid Beach

Today, I was walking through a rich part of the city and saw 2 dollars on the ground. I didn't pick it so people wouldn't think I was poor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 1 076

By ohseven6421 - 03/09/2010 04:13 - United States

Today, I decided to drive my mothers Bentley. She is out of town and told me not to go near the car. Being 17, I didn't listen. As I was backing out the driveway, I was hit by an SUV, seriously damaging my moms car. Who was driving the SUV? My mom, coming home early. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 085

You deserved it 78 884

By Anonymous - 22/10/2011 01:33 - United States

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my parents. Everyone knows he's into the emo scene, but this didn't stop my dad from slowly looking him up and down, then saying, completely deadpan, "You never told us you were a lesbian, honey." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 066

You deserved it 37 420

By Andrew7847 - 11/01/2012 17:02 - United States

Today, I finally managed to get through to the radio station that I always listen to. I handed the phone to my dad so he could win the prize for me, because I'm under 18. He hung up because he thought it was a prank call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 242

You deserved it 4 579

By disconnected - 23/09/2014 20:19 - Brazil - Santa Maria

Today, we spent an entire day without being able to do work because our internet connection was down. Turns out, only the router had crashed and nobody bothered to reset it "to avoid doing further damage". FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 464

You deserved it 3 431

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

arm wrestling doesn't prove anything. a fight to the death proves how strong anybody is

ImFreeFalling 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:42

Well is it wrong for a girl to be stronger than a guy? Quit whining about it.

Comments

ImFreeFalling 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:42

Well is it wrong for a girl to be stronger than a guy? Quit whining about it.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

ditch the girl. that way you'll be forced to work your arms into shape if you know what I mean.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:34

vagina power!

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:42

haha he weeeak girls can be strong tooo(:

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:03

it's a guy thing. ex. would you want your boyfriend to be more feminine than you?

I_iz_B_a_troll 23

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:23

Nice one, #4

MrSassypants 32

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Saturday 13 November 2010 22:13

I agree with 38. Also OP said she thought she was stronger than him. That thought turned to a know.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 23:53

Looks like we know who's on top at night XP

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Saturday 13 November 2010 23:59

shes obviously a lesbian

Elizabeth123654 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 2:43

that's what she said

1personinthiswor 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 6:38

I'm no stronger than most boys my age, and I take karate and lift weights every day. Then again, I'm not freakishly strong. Is your girlfriend a bodybuilder or what, OP? And does anyone else think of the arm wrestling scene in The Fly whenever they think of arm wrestling? *shudder*

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Sunday 14 November 2010 6:55

Lmao xD

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Sunday 14 November 2010 11:27

gummie worm arms :)

1personinthiswor 0

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Monday 15 November 2010 4:19

105 - I'm a girl. XD

Cannavaro_fml 0

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Monday 15 November 2010 4:50

I can understand maybe losing with one arm (not really), but using both arms? Noexcuse.

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Thursday 18 November 2010 19:28

I like strong girls. my girlfriend is tough as nails and plays rugby. nothin wrong with a strong girl

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Thursday 26 May 2011 15:55

Guess we know who wears the pants in the relationship. :)

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Thursday 6 October 2011 8:04

My bad missed thumbs up and did down sorry

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Monday 30 January 2012 22:09

Anys, girls can be stronger and bigger than boys around 12-15 since females enter puberty before boys do

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

gym membership?

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Sunday 14 November 2010 0:49

#72 hahahaaha but it's true he looks like a tool

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Sunday 14 November 2010 2:43

2*..clothes?

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Sunday 14 November 2010 4:25

Nice tighty-whiteies. Definitely going to get some girls showing off THAT picture...

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Sunday 14 November 2010 5:27

Tighty whities? Seriously dude?

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Sunday 14 November 2010 10:28

I lol'ed when I read ur comment and then lmao when I saw ur pic. thx for the entertainment #2

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Sunday 14 November 2010 10:47

i probably do need to work out but im only 16 so im sure i can grow up to be big and strong like tizzy some day :).Your welcome 111 thats what i was aiming for with the pic.Yes im trying to impress girls on fml?:L

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:45

Try working out more. YDI.

Randomlyscrm13 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

Hahahaha nice...

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:46

arm wrestling doesn't prove anything. a fight to the death proves how strong anybody is

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:59

oli sykes is awesome .

TropicalTulipz 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 0:26

lmfao!!! truee :)

Kiill3rQu33n16 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 2:42

it's Oli! bmth ftw! :)

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:47

weak boys are cute ;)

SweetnessMallory 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:48

some are ya

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:51

Ha!

0opsie 6

Saturday 13 November 2010 23:12

You'd like to hear your boyfriend say, "Baby, can you open this jar for me?"

1personinthiswor 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 6:40

Hey, he's not weak weak. He obviously thought he would win, which means he's strong enough to function. He's just not as strong as her.

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Sunday 24 April 2011 16:15

has it ever occured to you that maybe just maybe that this so called 'he' is a girl

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:48

so she can open jars better then you? big deal challenger her to a ladder match and see who comes out on top.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:49

Gym tan laundry for you!

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Monday 15 November 2010 16:02

haha

ejoyy 0

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:50

quit whining girls CAN be just as strong as a guy or even yet stronger so succ it up & start hitting the gym if you want a boost of confidence (:

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Saturday 13 November 2010 21:09

no they cant!:P

1personinthiswor 0

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Sunday 14 November 2010 6:43

40 - Have you ever seen that female bodybuilders thing on Discovery Health? You would be crushed, easily.

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Sunday 14 November 2010 11:06

Naturally male has higher upper body strength than female.

0opsie 6

Sunday 14 November 2010 17:04

@ 113: True, but in cases like this where the girl does weightlifting (I'm assuming) and the boy doesn't even try to work on himself, she could end up passing him in strength.

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Saturday 13 November 2010 19:51

hahaha weak boys are cuteee(:

ohthebloodygore 16

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Saturday 13 November 2010 20:39

Opinions.

mikuxxhatsune 31

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Friday 2 October 2015 13:16

Yeah, just not the annoying ones which think a girl is automatically wealer than a guy.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 0

You deserved it 1

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58

You deserved it 3

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 570

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 763