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By Anonymous - 25/02/2010 06:10 - United States

Today, I found out why my boyfriend of over a year is so obsessed with cleaning his entire place before I come over. He's been hiding the ex-girlfriend who never moved out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 451

You deserved it 2 898

By Noname - 30/01/2009 18:18 - Canada

Today, I was woken up by my roommates cat meowing so loudly at her door, wanting in. Suddenly it stopped. I was just falling back into sleep when I rolled over and the cat was right there beside my head. Meowing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 826

You deserved it 3 102

By karmaiguess - 18/10/2018 03:00

Today, I saw the guy I bullied during elementary school and tried to apologize to him. Instead, he took out a knife and stabbed me. I'm currently in the ER. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 384

You deserved it 5 244

By its dark - 07/01/2016 23:04 - United States - San Francisco

Today, it's day three of our power being off because of a glitch in the power company's computer system. They won't turn it back on until we pay the $2000 we owe from 2010. We moved here in 2012. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 381

You deserved it 1 318

By Anonymous - 25/11/2015 17:13 - United States - Seattle

Today, my 4-year-old twin boys are fighting because they both want to watch the SAME show on Netflix. They don't want the other one to choose, because somehow that invalidates their own choice, even though they both get to watch what they want, which is "Barbie, life in the dream house". FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 886

You deserved it 2 456

Why would you do that?

By Sam - 23/11/2009 01:35 - United States

Spicy

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house. We were starting to get intimate, and I thought it would be kinky to tie his hands to his bed so he'd be more turned on. Suddenly his mom called us for dinner, but I couldn't untie him fast enough. I had to sit there, embarrassed, while his mom undid the rope. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 130

You deserved it 29 885

By Timebaseboy - 21/10/2009 04:06 - United States

Today, the driver side mirror of my car was smashed off and laying on the ground. On the window was a $75.00 ticket for improper equipment for not having a mirror. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 945

You deserved it 2 082

By Funyearahead - 08/08/2016 12:44 - United States - Red Bank

Today, I found out that my new roommate likes to put candy on the floor, let ants crawl all over it, and eats it. Ants and all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 713

You deserved it 957

By mags - 16/02/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said, "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 442

You deserved it 6 822

Mystery

By disgusting - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I walked past a girl in the cafeteria and she threw up. Naturally, a crowd was drawn. Her friend asked her what was wrong. She pointed at me and said, "Get him away from me!" I'd never met this girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 213

You deserved it 2 808

By she won't see a therapist - 23/04/2016 04:37 - United States - Omaha

Today, my wife's paranoia reached a new level. She spent a half hour fretting over the idea that one of the cleaning ladies at our hotel might have taken a used condom from our room and tried to get pregnant with it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 554

You deserved it 1 500

By humanshield - 10/04/2016 16:49 - United States - Rockland

Today, while working my job as a swim instructor, my coworker sprayed me with the hose. I instinctively held up what I was holding to block the cold water. I was holding a 4 year-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 285

You deserved it 5 157

TMI

By mael - 25/11/2008 08:54 - France

Spicy

Today, I was looking for a magazine in my mother's bedside cabinet and I came across some daft test about sex. Apparently, my mother likes anal, oral, and my dad's cock is bent. Nauseous. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 574

You deserved it 10 521

By goodbyeGPA - 08/10/2018 17:30

Today, the first day of school, I went to the book store to purchase my textbooks. Not only did I wait for 30 minutes, but they didn’t even have my books in stock. I was advised to visit another campus 45 minutes away. They didn’t have it either. I have assignments due already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 877

You deserved it 764

By kaileekat517 - 21/11/2010 18:36 - United States

Today, instead of going to a romantic dinner with my boyfriend like I'd planned, I ended up babysitting his queasy little sister. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 475

You deserved it 3 489

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I told my boyfriend he is good at singing. Now he won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 166

You deserved it 42 401

By kiwibadja - 09/12/2016 15:54 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, I thought it would be a nice idea to take some flowers and candy to a friend whose cat had just passed away. As I was leaving, I ran over her other cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 360

You deserved it 1 885

What a thoughtful gift

By Natsert99 - 08/12/2016 14:02 - United States - Deerfield

Spicy

Today, I brought my best friend to the strip club as a birthday gift, as he had mentioned that he'd never been to one before. It might have been ruined by the discovery that his daughter had a new job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 162

You deserved it 1 267

Enough is enough

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 05:45 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I was confiding in my grandma about how lonely I am and how everything in my life seems to be falling apart. While I was in mid-sentence, she rolled her eyes and made a show of removing her hearing aid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 960

You deserved it 3 292

By NotBuyingATractor - 02/09/2015 02:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, a customer service guy called to fix a problem I've been having with my phone. When it transpired that he couldn't help, he transferred me to another representative. This other representative ended up being a John Deere dealer in Michigan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 672

You deserved it 1 535

By booste - 18/10/2009 04:06 - Canada

Today, I was written up because my manager heard me insulting a customer. How did I insult her? I called her grandma. Who did I say this to? My grandma. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 797

You deserved it 2 271

Good question

By yeah why not - 06/04/2013 17:06 - Norway

Today, my dad had a little too much to drink. When he's that drunk, he likes to pepper me with a lot of random questions. He asked if I've ever tried hard drugs, and if I want to die. I answered no to both of the questions, and he demanded to know why not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 875

You deserved it 3 007

Feedback

By fluent in two, unlike you - 25/03/2014 18:42 - Mexico

Today, the feedback my teacher wrote on my English assignment was so horrible that it took me half an hour and help from both my parents to decipher it. It turned out to be a scathing criticism of my "poor communication skills". I hate my teachers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 856

You deserved it 3 837

I guess that's a no, then?

By Lazyuser2849 - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Arlington

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend. To this, she said, "You need to meet more people."FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 585

You deserved it 1 093

The joys of spring

By pukeytimes - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - Australia - Leichhardt

Today, I decided to do a good bit of spring cleaning. When my apartment was finally spotless I went to lie down. I woke up later to find my drunk flatmate passed out in a puddle of her own puke on the living room's carpet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 265

You deserved it 2 328

Bad timing

By screwedupfuck - 27/03/2015 21:19 - United States - Lowell

Today, I was at a big meeting at work. The CEO was reaming the hell out of us for our recent poor profits, when I accidentally let rip a vile fart. I was then subjected to a 10 minute tirade of abuse for "trying to be a funny man", and told that whatever small chance I had for a promotion is now gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 490

You deserved it 6 095

Dress you up

By NotTheFavoriteChild - 03/04/2016 16:53

Today, I asked my mom if she wanted to go wedding dress shopping with me today. She reluctantly said, "I guess…" I showered, shaved, and did my hair and makeup. When I came downstairs, she hadn't even brushed her teeth yet. "I'm just lacking motivation to go," she said. Glad you're so excited too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 503

You deserved it 1 623

By No name - 18/12/2008 04:43 - Australia

Today, on a thirty minute commute to a job interview, I felt the urge to pee. When I got there, I politely asked the receptionist where the toilets were, and she told me to wait for someone to come show me. After another thirty minutes, someone turned up; the HR manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 375

You deserved it 2 845

By kimeatszombies - 10/02/2016 10:42 - United States - Riverside

Today, while driving around with my brother and his idiotic friends, one of them decided it would be a brilliant idea to throw a hot sauce packet out of the car window at a moving vehicle. I've never seen someone angry enough to stop and get out of a vehicle that fast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 153

You deserved it 2 650

kimeatszombies tells us more.

kimeatszombies 22

Wednesday 10 February 2016 23:22

Okay, so we saw them coming at us, so the driver (my brother's friend), took off. He managed to get in between cars at a stop light we were stopped at, and got away, but then the people in the car they threw the hot sauce packet at, got back in their car and proceeded to follow us, FAST. Long story short, my brother's friend got in trouble for reckless driving and actually got his license suspended, since he was under the age of 18. Such a good time. |:

I'll give you 30 quid for one clarky cat

By allykat - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - Canada - Brampton

Today, I bought my cat a fun toy at the one of a kind craft show. It has catnip in it, which he loves. He flipped out, so I took it away. He won't stop trying to break into the cupboard I put it in. My cat has a drug problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 537

You deserved it 5 885

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Today, I was putting the cat outside. He wouldn't go, so I kicked him. Then I woke up to my husband screaming. I’d been dreaming, and the "cat" I kicked was his family jewels. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 705

You deserved it 9 193

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 295

You deserved it 30 235

Today, I was taking a dump in the bathroom. The lights turned off and I was too embarrassed to come out of the stall. The janitor walked in, turned the lights on and asked If anyone was there. I stayed quiet. He turned the lights back off and locked me in the bathroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 217

You deserved it 64 825

Today, I tried to bleach my upper lip hair. I now have a bright red mustache. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 090

You deserved it 18 831

Today, my friend asked me if I flirted with any girls during our shift. I said, "No, not any I could think of." He then told me there was a note on my windshield that said, "Call me" with a phone number on it. After my shift, I went to my car excited and read the note. It was just a penis. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 981

You deserved it 326

Today, my boyfriend mentioned that he wants to get a vasectomy. I didn't give it much thought, until two things occurred to me. 1.) I have PCOS, and was told by multiple doctors that I can't have children. 2.) He almost never wants to have sex anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 312

You deserved it 84