Dad jokes and Miscellaneous: Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep....

By mags - 16/02/2009 15:05 - United States

Today, I told my dad I was leaving to get some beauty sleep. He looked at me laughing and said, "See you in a decade." FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 427

You deserved it 6 817

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 26/09/2014 20:00 - United States - Schaumburg

Today, I got back home from work and casually asked my dad, "What's up?" He casually replied, "Wishing I'd had a son instead." and stared glassy-eyed at me until I left the room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 014

You deserved it 3 044

By beautyschool22 - 11/06/2012 23:39 - United States

Today, I talked to my father for the first time in several years. I proudly told him that I have been attending Beauty School. He looked me up and down and said, "Doesn't look like you've learned much." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 560

You deserved it 3 283

Prepper

By suze44 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my father decided to "prepare" me for the real world by telling me that I'm ugly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 243

You deserved it 5 370

By Kyle - 05/01/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I jokingly mocked my dad about his age. He jokingly poured milk all over my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 918

You deserved it 35 963

By kaitylait - 19/08/2011 00:59 - Canada

Today, I told my dad I was going to the gym. He stood up and clapped. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 537

You deserved it 11 128

By anonymous - 22/09/2010 05:38 - United States

Today, my dad gave me a twenty minute lecture about responsibility and how lazy he considers me to be. He then yelled at me for not making his bed and getting his clothes off the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 910

You deserved it 2 546

Thanks, I hate it

By Anonymous - 07/01/2011 02:45 - United States

Today, feeling melancholic, I took a blanket out to the backyard and lay down to look at the clouds. My dad came out to ask me what I was doing. I told him, he smirked, squatted over my face, and farted. He then ran back inside and told my mom. She laughed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 218

You deserved it 6 252

By tooearly - 01/01/2012 08:31 - United States

Today, I told my mom I was going to a New Year's party. She told me to be back by midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 011

You deserved it 3 372

By Anonymous - 22/03/2014 23:07 - United States - Auberry

Today, my dad decided to shave his beard. I told him I wanted him to keep it, so he took the shavings, put them in a jar, and left it in my room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 718

You deserved it 13 274

By :// - 05/11/2013 21:01 - United States - Romulus

Today, I woke up and went to the bathroom, only to find my dad sitting on the toilet, blind drunk. He screamed "YOU SHALL NOT PASS!" at me. I just wanted to shave. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 759

You deserved it 3 754

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

Comments

bobdole 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

that was funny, but a simple joke. your life is not effed, don't worry.

Peilin 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:36

lol humorous dad

Melody_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 16:53

ddddddaaaaaaamn that would annoy me. but i guess it'd depend on his tone of voice. coulda been strait up joke. my dads called me gay before, when i said somethin bout it he was like gay means happy!! ha i wasnt too happy then

Amkii 0

Monday 16 February 2009 17:13

LOL! Your dad rocks.

greenman_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:01

at least you don't have to worry about incest.

Speech_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 18:33

#7 you should stop being friends with that melodramatic idiot forthwith.

SadinSherman 16

Thursday 18 November 2010 8:09

Agreed what a drama queen

greenfairy_fml 0

Monday 16 February 2009 19:03

maybe he just meant you looked really tired?

carriealana 0

Monday 16 February 2009 21:10

I second #12. Obviously a joke and nothing to get your panties in a wad over.

Seegtease 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 0:46

#11 needs to lighten up. He was being funny. Jokes are that way, not always meant to be taken seriously.

AliSama 17

Sunday 22 February 2009 20:30

reply "at least it isn't till when hell freezes over, like you dad"

Keywords

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The Top

Today, after my husband got ready for work, he touched my arm and slowly bent down. I assumed he was going to say he loved me and to have a good day. As I quickly thought of a loving response and prepared to give him a kiss, he whispered in my ear, "Did you put a dead mouse in the toilet?" Thanks a lot, cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 946

You deserved it 132

Today, I went to get the vaccination my college requires of all students. The nurse looked at my charts and told me there was good and bad news. The good news was that I didn't need the shot. The bad news was I needed four others. Now, both of my arms are swollen enough to make Popeye proud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 490

You deserved it 3 816

The Top

Today, I had a call to the rodent rescue I run. They wanted to know if we had any mice for adoption and how much they cost. I told them that we had over 30 mice, and that we don't charge but do take donations. They said, "That's fantastic! I've been struggling to find snake food that isn't frozen!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 354

You deserved it 4 608

Today, it's my birthday. I was excited because of all the wall posts I got on Facebook. Then I saw I got a "Happy Birthday" from the girl my boyfriend cheated on me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 953

You deserved it 7 490

Today, I learnt that the girl with whom I've being going out for 6 months has been sleeping with every guy around except one. Guess who? FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 554

You deserved it 3 792

Today, my brother’s cat pissed on my brand new bed. He refuses to replace the mattress, and claims it wasn’t his cat. We only have one cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 153

Today, I bought one of my favorite albums from when I was growing up. When I looked at the liner notes, I learned that my favorite song on the album wasn't about taking a bath, but about going to a brothel. My second-favorite isn't about moving, but about suicide. My childhood just shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 853

You deserved it 5 960

Today, in the process of leaning over the sink to close the drain so my diamond earrings wouldn't fall in as I put them on, I dropped my diamond earring down the drain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 192

You deserved it 734

Same thing different taste

Prepper

Thanks, I hate it

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