Today, while in the hospital recovering from surgery, I got into a fight with my wife. Apparently, she feels that I shouldn’t have gone to the hospital because “Funerals cost less than surgery.” She brought an extremely detailed spreadsheet to prove it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, after being in the hospital for two weeks after emergency abdominal surgery, my girlfriend, who didn't even bother to ask how I was, made me hobble to her house just to dump me and send me straight back home. FML
Today, my wife asked when I was going back to the gym because I am developing a belly, which she finds disgusting. I've just had surgery on my thigh, which was her fault for asking, “What’s this thing do?” while grabbing the handle to the jack holding up my car, dropping the car on my leg. FML
Today, while chatting with my in-laws, I told them about my upcoming spinal surgery. Soon after, when I went to get us some drinks, I overheard them murmuring about how many surgeries I've already had, how I'm a drain on the healthcare system, and how I should ideally just die. FML
Today, I'm in hospital after having surgery for a broken leg. I’m maxed out on Endone and still in pain. Work have said that I’m on the roster next week and I’ll be fired if I’m not there. My wife said that she is going to have some "me time" for a few days when I get home from my "holiday". FML
Today, I left hospital after suffering a head injury. My neurosurgeon gave my wife a list of potential household changes that needed to be made, otherwise I could have a fatal seizure. We got in the car and she said, "You do realise we aren’t doing a single thing on that bullshit list, right?" FML
Today, my wife and I both got released from the hospital. She was admitted for the birth of our daughter. I was admitted with a broken arm from when my mother-in-law shoved me out of the way because she wanted to be the first one to hold the baby after my wife. FML
Today, I found out that the money that my wife claims went into repairing her car engine actually is going towards helping her pay for a divorce. FML
Today, I begged my husband to take me to the ER cause my stomach hurt so bad I thought I was gonna die. He told me to go sit on the toilet and stop being a drama queen. I drove myself to the hospital just in time for my appendix to burst. I almost died because my husband was busy playing Xbox. FML
Today, I got hit by a car while walking into the hospital to visit my wife, who had also gotten hit by a car. FML
Today, my wife caught me crying over her miscarriage and she started yelling and screaming at me to "man up" because she should be the sad one, not me. FML
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Top comments
Bloo2555 22
That's messed up in more ways than one.
James Jones 6
divorce her now!!!
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Comments (50)
Bloo2555 22
That's messed up in more ways than one.
James Jones 6
divorce her now!!!
lexos 16
You might wanna add a divorce to that bill if she doesn't love you enough to get surgery.
MidnaLink 35
That bitch.
DanielleinDC 34
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
I was tempted to feel sorry for you until I saw the anti-Semitic slur in your username. Really, dude? Sorry your wife is a horrible person, but then you seem like an awful person too.
Marisa Ware 10
You must be butthurt about everything if you thought his username is anti-Semitic.
SneezyBear 27
Anti-Semitic? Yes. Slur? No. Unless you wanna explain how 'Jew' is a bad word? (Careful, that's some dangerous ground you're treading on).
bjnono001 20
It’s referring to the stereotype that Jews are cheap, which is why it’s a slur.
NostalgiaFreak9 43
"Marriedtoajew" is not anti-Semitic? I think with that comment, I can make a guess as to what kind of person you are.
Darkness_Hate 29
Oy vey! How much do you want for that harmless pun? I have a number in mind! =)
Luke16eirb7deneuwn1 20
why would it be antisemitic if he called himself marriedtoajew? Maybe his wife is jewish? Maybe she happens to fulfill that clishè. Maybe I am just a kid with issues that shouldn't be texting to strangers on the internet at 1 am. Maybe this world is all jist a plan made up by the lasershark-moonnazibear-illuminati to sell more food at MC Donalds'. Maybe I just said that last one to make this entire argument look stupid. Maybe it worked...
DanielleinDC 34
He's implying that Jews are notoriously cheap, which is a shitty thing to do. I would be more sympathetic if he'd called himself "marriedtoacheapskate".
SneezyBear 27
Implying that Jews are stingy is a hurtful stereotype so yes, it is anti-Semitic. A slur, however, is a derogatory term applied to a group of people. "Jew" is not a derogatory term. If you insist that it is, you are on *dangerous ground*. It's the correct terminology to call a person of the Jewish faith. There are many words that are actual slurs that I won't list here. But 'Jew' is not one of them. The implication the OP makes in his username is anti-Semitic and hurtful - unless his wife really is a Jew and it was meant to be tongue-in-cheek but I don't consider that a likely scenario - my point is, I'm not denying that it was prejudiced and wrong. But you gotta call a spade a spade. Jew is not and should not ever be considered a derogatory term. Hence it's not a slur.
nevereyes 31
That's American health care for you
StarkWolf_fml 23
hope you're not rich
SamanthaThe1st 23
Marriedtoajew? Dude, your wife sucks, but anti-Semitism isn't cool either.
KnowsWhatAJokeIs 4
that is what we call a joke.
Summaria 10
What if his wife is jewish though? Do you automatically assume it's racist because you already linked the word "jewish" with "cheap" in your mind? Because that's hella racist....
band_geek 18
WOW I am SO sorry that it seems your wife rather you be dead than continue her life journey with you!
Glowworm56 27
If you find your wife digging a hole in the backyard sometime soon--run!