Love: Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided...

By sugar - 18/10/2010 12:23 - United States

Today, my boyfriend of two years told his friend that he decided a long time ago that he would never be faithful to a woman. I was sitting next to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 986

You deserved it 3 326

Love

Psycho

Piece of piss

Ingredients check

By blahbags - 06/04/2009 13:39 - United Kingdom

Today, I was going on holiday. As I was checking in my bags, I said to the really cute steward, "I think I'm overweight." He told me about discounts for customers of 'larger proportions.' I was talking about my suitcase being overweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 729

You deserved it 17 743

Smells like… victory

By sickofthesmelltoo - 28/02/2013 10:56 - Australia - Fitzroy

Today, my friends confronted me and told me that they no longer want to visit my house because my dog smells really disgusting. I didn't have the heart to tell them that the smell is actually my parents, who have been trying to "save water" by only showering once a fortnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 579

You deserved it 3 074

By Jerrrr - 27/05/2009 00:22 - United States

Today, I wanted revenge on the rabbit who ate my garden's plants. When he returned, he was standing next to my brand new above-ground swimming pool. I pull out my 22. rifle and shot at it, but the bullet missed and popped a hole in my pool. 15,000 gallons of water flooded my basement. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 986

You deserved it 286 971

Why Change a Perfectly Good System?

By queenofthegypsys - 01/03/2020 23:00

Today, while creeping on my boyfriend's ex-wife’s Facebook, I found out that he used to call her the same nicknames he now calls me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 017

You deserved it 869

Saturday Night Fever-ish

By lonely - 15/09/2019 04:05 - Canada - Granby

Today, I invited a bunch of friends over to hang out and watch a movie. It's been two hours since everyone was supposed to turn up, and no one has showed. Thanks, friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 781

You deserved it 125

By foreverDark - 14/05/2012 12:40 - United States - Aurora

Today, I woke up after a long night of trying to catch a moth. I'd knocked down furniture and screamed up the house to do so, but I finally got it. What did I see first thing this morning? Another moth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 592

You deserved it 23 425

By Uncomfortable - 17/05/2013 07:21

Today, I tried on a new perfume. When my boyfriend hugged me, he commented that I smelled like his mom. I don't know who was more surprised by the simultaneous bulge in his pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 667

You deserved it 5 307

By HellaBomber91 - 05/12/2009 19:14 - United States

Today, my girlfriend of two months broke up with me because she said I remind her too much of her first boyfriend and it creeps her out. I've checked with all of her friends and family. I am her first boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 673

You deserved it 3 246

By shellie - 13/01/2012 07:48 - Reserved

Today, I went to the gynecologist for the first time. I was so nervous that when she extended her hand to shake mine, I gave her my handbag instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 586

You deserved it 4 329

By ILoveFML - 29/08/2010 14:14 - United States

Today, my boyfriend was talking with his friends about how long girls take to get ready (hair, make-up, etc.). I said, "I never spend a long time getting ready..." He then looked at me and said, "maybe you should." FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 843

You deserved it 7 705

By KayDayParade - 28/08/2011 00:38 - United States

Today, while paying for groceries, I opened my wallet to find that all my cash had been exchanged for Monopoly money. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 291

You deserved it 3 120

Tree trunks

By AloneAtPerkins - 18/11/2020 13:02 - United States - West Bend

Today, I shaved my legs. It's been so long since I've shaved that my razor broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 640

You deserved it 311

Self-care

By Mee - 05/10/2009 10:49 - Kuwait

Today, I was frustrated at work so to have fun, I wrote an email to myself saying that I was great and loved myself and should relax. I used all different colors and fonts. Instead of hitting "delete", I hit "print" without realizing. My manager got it out of the printer and put it on my desk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 668

You deserved it 39 285

By Tickettoride - 04/05/2013 10:24 - Austria - Vienna

Today, my boyfriend and I stressed out preparing for our one week holiday. We packed for the whole day, said goodbye to everyone and arrived at the airport quite exhausted after a 45-minute train ride. Turns out our flight isn't until tomorrow. The check-in lady couldn't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 975

You deserved it 16 236

Today, on Dr. Phil…

By Anonymous - 23/09/2019 18:00

Today, I realized that masturbating to pictures of my girlfriend is better than having sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 788

You deserved it 439

By catattack78 - 21/10/2010 14:48 - United States

Today, I was walking down my very steep basement stairs when I fell and rolled all the way down but luckily I didn't hurt anything. While walking back up around the very last stair, my cat jumped out on me, causing me to roll all the way back down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 253

You deserved it 3 990

Cool nickname

By nearsighted-ut - 26/09/2019 02:00

Today, I was watching TV when my older brother thought it would be funny to rip a bare-assed fart in my face before a shower. I looked up, only to see a brown blob on my glasses. My nickname is now "Shitfaced." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 857

You deserved it 113

By Fmylife - 06/07/2011 09:17 - United States

Today, I have a cold. Trying to clear out my stuffy nose, I tried putting mouthwash in my nose. Thinking it was an awesome idea, I put some more in. I then starting screaming in pain due to the extreme burning in my nostrils. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 246

You deserved it 120 774

Frenemies

By Anonymous - 16/06/2021 08:01

Today, I found out that the person who I considered my best friend actually hates my guts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 907

You deserved it 77

By fmlll - 28/08/2009 15:08 - United States

Today, I wanted to be creative. I hid an engagement ring for my girlfriend inside one of her running shoes. I expected her to find it and wake me up, but she didn't. Later, when I asked if there was anything in her shoe, she responded, "There was a rock. I just shook it out outside. Why?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 073

You deserved it 59 766

By betterpianist - 29/11/2016 21:04 - United States

Today, the girl I've liked for over a year, broke up with me after just 2 weeks of dating, all because I'm a better pianist then her. I've been playing since I was 8. She's been playing for 6 months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 378

You deserved it 749

By jina - 18/03/2009 03:48 - Korea Republic of

Today, the phone kept ringing but there was only silence on the other line. The third time I yelled, "What the fuck is your F*ing problem asshole!? Get a life shithead!" and hung up. Then the pastor's wife called and explained that she mistakingly set her phone on mute. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 026

You deserved it 65 037

By GasAttack - 07/09/2009 13:32 - Canada

Today, I was taking a shower. I heard my boyfriend come into the bathroom, brush his teeth and take off his clothes. He joined me in the shower and instead of doing something loving or sexy, he let out a huge fart into his hand and threw it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 385

You deserved it 8 512

Still pining

By Anonymous - 08/11/2020 11:03 - Austria - Innsbruck

Today, I had a meeting in the town where my ex-girlfriend works. After the meeting, I bought some ice cream and sat on a bench in a public place. She came across with her girlfriends laughing and obviously having fun. She only looked in my direction briefly. I threw the ice cream into the trash. FML

I agree, your life sucks 311

You deserved it 1 073

By HappyNewYearsToMeAndMyCat - 01/01/2015 05:25 - Canada - Victoria

Today, I'm celebrating New Years with my cat. I made her a cake. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 205

You deserved it 6 846

By RitaDahhlinnnng - 25/08/2009 23:56 - United States

Today, I had my first real date with my first serious boyfriend. I was nervous because from past experience. I learned my lips were a bit ticklish and I usually giggled a bit during kissing. Well, we started making out and I thought was I doing pretty good hiding my laughs. Until I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 945

You deserved it 10 801

By anonymous - 23/11/2010 09:32

Today, I broke up with my girlfriend of a year because I discovered she had been cheating on me. Her defense was, "It wouldn't be a problem if you were just OK with this." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 808

You deserved it 3 097

By Anonymous - 28/01/2011 04:24 - United States

Today, I found out that I have to reschedule my upcoming honeymoon because my office will be understaffed that week, due to the boss going on vacation right after my wedding. Oh, yeah, and he's in my bridal party. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 924

You deserved it 2 677

By FriendsZone - 15/05/2012 20:44 - United States

Today, the girl I've had a crush on for a year finally said she'd go out with me. On the way over to pick her up, she called me and said she couldn't go because she was going out to dinner with her ex-boyfriend to talk things over. She asked if she could use the reservations I had made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 479

You deserved it 2 623

By Jon - 05/05/2009 00:46 - United States

Today, I saw my neighbor's son mowing their lawn when suddenly he started to do this crazy dance. Chuckling at his antics I waved and walked back into my house. His mom called me from a hospital later to ask if I could put the mower away; he had been attacked by bees. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 484

You deserved it 47 290

By please don't get the succ - 29/06/2016 18:21 - United States - San Francisco

Today, at my job as a sailing instructor, I had to stop kids from getting their asses sucked by a pool filter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 579

You deserved it 645

By NJ <3 - 10/01/2012 15:34 - United States

Today, while trying to prove a point to my mom, I learned that bird seed tastes better than her cooking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 172

You deserved it 3 672

By BigBangCheater - 01/04/2012 10:08 - United States - Loves Park

Today, I had my first free night in months. I spent it doing homework and watching TV. I had set my Facebook status to say I was spending time with the boys from The Big Bang Theory, then fell asleep. I woke up later to an angry text from my boyfriend thinking I was cheating on him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 687

You deserved it 5 026

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 868

You deserved it 3 116

By Awkward - 16/01/2010 21:24 - United States

Today, my boyfriend took me to meet his friends at one of his exclusive "clubs." Expecting it to be his old friends from college, I agreed to go. Apparently, I've been dating a member of the Ku Klux Klan for 2 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 69 503

You deserved it 7 870

By fuckbucket14 - 14/04/2012 22:56 - Egypt - Hurghada

Today, I got into an argument with my dad in his hotel room. I lost my temper and stormed out onto the balcony for some fresh air, at which point he decided to lock the door behind me, trapping me there for half an hour while he watched TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 863

You deserved it 12 096

By sammsamm56 - 16/01/2011 19:27 - United States

Today, I found out that my over protective brother is going to move in with me when he gets out of jail. My chances of ever being in a relationship are now next to zero. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 337

You deserved it 4 638

That'll be Kevin in accounting

By Jason McGinnis - 22/09/2020 16:51 - Canada - Brampton

Today, just like every other day, my company is so dysfunctional that local food chains require us to pay cash up front for our catering, because we routinely take 6 months or more to pay for a chicken sandwich. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 110

You deserved it 178

By Anonymous - 18/01/2011 08:28 - United States

Today, I was at the grocery store with my dad. He let out a very silent but foul abomination of a fart. The people behind us started gagging, so he turned, pointed at me and said "That was my daughter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 094

You deserved it 3 819

Summertime sadness

By littl3storm - 09/06/2020 05:04

Today, as a treat to myself for completing my exams, I dyed my hair rainbow. In the process of dyeing my hair, I managed to roll over my foot, causing severe ligament damage in my foot and ankle. It's likely I'll end up with a cast. Goodbye summer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 201

You deserved it 380

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Top comments

shananigans 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

You mean ex boyfriend right?

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:21

You should have commenced making out with his best friend right then and there. Then, when he balks about what you've just done, say "What did you expect?" If OP were a guy and his girlfriend had said that, I would advise the exact same thing. :P

lizyray 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

damn that sucks

shananigans 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:13

You mean ex boyfriend right?

SCBeauty1983 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:37

My thoughts exactly!

raw_tigahh 2

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 7:51

nice rx-8. but its wastes alot of gas!

raw_tigahh 2

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 7:54

wrrrooonggg post. lol

AnaBanana1918 7

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Monday 8 August 2011 0:17

Haha okay

mintcar 9

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:14

Wow, jerk.

DjeePee 24

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:51

I hope you slapped him in the face. I really do.

itsgonnahappento 11

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:14

that sucks what's a douche

MAGNAVOX 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:14

This wouldn't matter if you're a guy OP.

DocBastard 38

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:29

I see what you did there. Well played, sir.

CitizenSnipz 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 0:06

I don- oh. OOOOHHHH.

justiinbieberrxd 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 7:34

6- AHAHAH,LOL ;)

FFML_314 11

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:14

Go get herpes and give it to him.

psuboy 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:17

that's hateful. at least he's honest? still sucks tho

FFML_314 11

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:21

Yes, because cheating isn't hateful. He wasn't honest with his girlfriend. He deserves herpes AND the clap. (& I'm not talking about the light)

Fortuitous 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:30

According to Michael Scott, that would be spelled "H-I-R-P-E-S."

TheIrishJaneDoe 8

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:12

H-I-R-P-E-E-S* I just watched it last night. :]

UrLiFsuX 4

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Monday 18 October 2010 22:16

haha!!

noscope_ftw 0

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 2:05

at 11, so she deserves herpes too? hey go screw your bf over by screwing ureself over too... yeahh bright idea.. not

FFML_314 11

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Tuesday 19 October 2010 3:23

You're stupid, 50. It's called sarcasm.

ujonesy 0

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Thursday 21 October 2010 7:07

#7, that is hilarious. anyone who cheats needs something like that that they can't get rid of.

iPewpOnJews 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:16

Booooooooooooo.

Nickolazx 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:20

Yeah we can be that rough sometimes! But there are some bitches...

sweet_candy_ 17

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:21

Time for a new bf :)

corytheboss 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:25

I'm available ;)

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:21

syedlink27 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 20:52

no matter how many profile pics you change it's always the same result: Disgusting! that's what being an idiot is.. doing the same thing over and over but expecting a different result.

FFML_314 11

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:10

Of course it's the same result. She can't change her face, you fucking moron. Get a life and find something more pressing to do, other then insulting someones appearance. Especially someone that looks better than you.

perdix 29

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:22

What's wrong with you, syedlink27? nerdsgetmehot gets me hot, and I'm a nerd, so if we ever got together, a chain reaction might commence.

greatwyt 0

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Monday 18 October 2010 21:40

o thats nasty, why should he do that?

nerdsgetmehot 22

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Monday 18 October 2010 22:21

Hahaha. Wow. Syedlink, I'm confident enough to know that I'm far from ugly. Why put someone's appearance down? To make yourself feel better about your own, perhaps?