Work: Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and...

By illuminatzi - United States - Temple

Today, I was running late for work. I forgot my name tag and work hat at home, but my boss is pretty laid back, so I wasn't worried about it. Five minutes into my shift, the district supervisor walked in for a surprise employee inspection. FML

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24368

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Work

Leave us alone

Nice neighborhood

Kids will be kids

By Bad Dancer - United States - Rock Hill

Today, my friend and I went to a club. She said I look hilarious when I dance drunk. I was completely sober. FML

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25921

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By Insane Guy - United States

Today, at work, I jumped under my desk in fear of a nuclear missile attack when the firestation next us let out its new awareness siren. I think I'm going insane. FML

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25254

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By Julie is in pain - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I had eight teeth removed in preparation for getting my braces fitted. My winter break will now consists of barely being able to sleep or eat, tasting blood, and looking like a goofy-ass chipmunk. FML

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26096

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By sunburychick - Australia

Today, I realised that the man who I wanted to be with, the man who wanted to be with me, and my husband were three different people. FML

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46765

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By Anonymous - France - Paris

Today, my friends showed me a video of me blind drunk last night, getting into a fight with my front door. The door won, unlike my face. FML

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18637

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By jlol - United States

Today, my teacher reached over to hand me a paper. I thought it would be funny to flinch and say, "Dad, please don't hit me". Unfortunately, he didn't think it was a joke, so I got questioned by the on-campus officer. FML

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By wet - United States

Today, the toilet on the top floor of my house burst, soaked the bathroom, and water dripped down into the kitchen and the basement for hours when nobody was home. Eight blowers and a dehumidifier later, the house is about 90 degrees and I can't leave. FML

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27813

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By Sherlock - France

Today, my youngest son had to have stitches in his chin. He did great, I passed out. FML

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24456

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By pirate prude - Canada

Today, when getting off the bus, the driver said he thought I was going to exit from the front. Without thinking, I responded, "Oh no, I'm more of a backdoor kinda girl!" FML

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4942

You deserved it

2009

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to dinner with friends for my birthday. During the whole thing they insisted that we get whatever we wanted and celebrate, but when the check came, they all looked at me expectantly. I just bought my friends $150 of food for my birthday present. FML

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By le_evan - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I had sex with this guy I had been crushing on for five years. It took longer to put my clothes back on than he lasted. FML

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36286

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By HereToLaughAtU - United States - Des Moines

Wait, what?

Today, a customer said the pants she was buying rang up more than advertised. I quietly told her plus-sizes were not on sale. The customer yelled in front of a whole line of people, "So I'm fat and can't read! Any other insults you'd like to throw at me?" and stormed out of the store. FML

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37381

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By religionbites621 - United States

Today, I found Jesus. The bad news, he was in the form of a concrete statue falling on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38469

You deserved it

3534

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By dudster25 - United States - Hanford

Today, I was both sexting with my girlfriend and texting my professor about an upcoming essay. I accidentally sent a dickpic to my professor. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13352

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39785

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By n77 - Switzerland

Today, at work, a customer went to try on a pair of pants. A few minutes later, she hurriedly returned and put the pants back on the shelf without saying anything. I later found out she'd come down with a bout of diarrhea and apparently didn't want to pay for the dry-cleaning. Glamorous. FML

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38105

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By failure - United States

Today, my professor snapped and told me that I know nothing, that everything I've ever learned is wrong, and that all of my former teachers should be shot. FML

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32654

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5019

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By whale14

Today, I was in the newspaper for my soccer accomplishments. It was supposed to be my day in the spotlight. I went home to find out that my little sister had sprained her ankle in P.E. Not only did nobody in my family read the article in the paper, I'm now doing all of my sister's chores. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1814

You deserved it

211

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By Mayrose125

Today, I learned that my boss is training one the the trainees I trained to be supervisor. Everyone supports this, including me. So what's the issue? I was promised that position almost 2 years ago. Apparently, I train people well enough to promote, but I'm not good enough to be promoted myself. FML

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9694

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767

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By DroppedTheSoap - Australia - Brisbane

Today, while trying to sexily wash my man in the shower, I dropped the body wash bottle. The pump grazed my nipple, making it bleed. As if that didn't kill the mood, I now have a Star Wars bandaid on my boob. FML

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1900

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299

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By Ctmusher

Today, my four Huskies played tug-o-war with a woodchuck. FML

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3899

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396

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By lion2294 - United States - Laingsburg

Today, my boss threatened to fire me if I didn't stop looking at my phone while working. I work in the back room, and there is no clock in there. I look at my phone to check the time. That way I know how long I have left in that hellhole. FML

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31094

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By chairlee - United States

Today, I stepped on a piece of glass and sliced my right foot open. Hobbling to get my first aid kit, I tripped and stepped on a pair of heels, and sliced my left foot open. FML

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36904

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By Anonymous - United States - De Forest

Today, I noticed that my boyfriend's sister looks at my ass more than my boyfriend does. FML

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31944

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3734

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By Carlos Cervantes_1981647997

Today, like any other day, I look just like Kim Jung-un. FML

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1450

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194

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By Perry85

Cloud Cuckooland

Today, my girlfriend's husband heard us having sex, but he's so naive, he believed her when she said we were just watching porn. FML

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372

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2959

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By N - United States - Glenwood Springs

Today, I paid 60 dollars for my senior yearbook. They forgot to put me in it. FML

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14507

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1097

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By disappointed - United States

Today, after having saved up my money for months to buy my college-bound son the car of his dreams, I got a phone call telling me it had been totalled during a drag-race. I only gave him the keys two days ago. FML

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34165

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By BrandonDrapeau - United States - Sparta

Today, I told my son about wet dreams, what they are and how they are normal. Afterwards, he exclaimed, "It's kinda like when I beat off, except I'm asleep! Awesome!" FML

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25592

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3568

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By Kendall14159 - United States - Jacksonville

Today, I was babysitting a 6 year-old and a 9 year-old. After they went to bed, I started working on a project for on my laptop that was due in 12 hours and fell asleep. I woke up to a dog licking my peanut buttered keyboard and the two kids sitting in the corner giggling. FML

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12512

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By Anonymous

Today, I asked my niece to house-sit because she acts very mature and sensible while her brother is an idle slob. Turns out the idle slob nephew is the mature one while the sensible niece actually likes to throw house parties. I found a used condom stuck to my ceiling. FML

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3143

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897

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By LifeSucks - United States

Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML

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38939

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By Anonymous - United States - Brooklyn

Today, I learned that no matter how much of a nerd a girl claims to be, she is not ready for you to speak Klingon during sex. FML

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29718

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By Luckless

Today, I'm preparing my defense for allegedly stalking someone at work. The best part, I have absolutely no clue who it is. Now my skin is crawling as I go through all the messages and in person events that occurred with my actual twice-my-age stalker to show my boss what a real stalker does. FML

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2152

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I got in an argument so intense that she left saying that we needed to spend some time apart. The argument was over what was the best PIXAR movie. FML

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19290

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By Daniel - United States

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

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34582

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after parking my car, I was informed by an incredibly hot girl that my tail light was faulty. I tried hitting it to make it work again. Guess who has 5 stitches and a smashed tail light? FML

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7747

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By DDRFreak - Canada - Kitchener

Today, I was playing Dance Dance Revolution in an arcade when a woman came up and asked me if playing it was my job. I laughed but then realized that it is actually the closest thing I have to a job. FML

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26583

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By Boner Ben

Today, I found out that the play I'm doing requires me to strip naked and get an erection for a few scenes. It didn’t come up in rehearsal and the play starts in 2 days. I'm not sure how to tell my family who are coming from out of town that my first role involves me playing with my boner. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2623

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668

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By sadgirl - United States

Today, I was doing a striptease for this guy over my webcam. I was shaking my ass while taking off my panties, but when they fell to my feet, I tripped over them and fell on my ass. FML

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10868

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By Anonymous - United States - Orlando

Today, I received a text saying, "I don't think we should be friends anymore. You're terribly depressing and you make everyone unhappy" followed by, "Oops, wrong person!" and then by, "Sorry, it really is for you". FML

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Top comments

By estroyer9 | 14

#6426004 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:45

Go next to the sink where you work at and when the inspector comes by be like, FUCK I just dropped my name tag into the sink! Works everytime.

By MrSassypants | 32

#6426042 - Saturday 3 October 2015 17:14

Wait until he goes into the bathroom stall and then go into the one next to him. "FUCK! I dropped my hat.

COMMENTS

By guss5441 | 18

#6425999 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:40

At least you didn't forge your name

TheTardis123 | 11

#6426101 - Saturday 3 October 2015 19:34

... Tag, oh wait

By xJonellos | 23

#6426002 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:43

Hope you didn't get fired!

By estroyer9 | 14

#6426004 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:45

Go next to the sink where you work at and when the inspector comes by be like, FUCK I just dropped my name tag into the sink! Works everytime.

teentee401 | 36

#6426016 - Saturday 3 October 2015 16:05

What about the hat?

MrSassypants | 32

#6426042 - Saturday 3 October 2015 17:14

Wait until he goes into the bathroom stall and then go into the one next to him. "FUCK! I dropped my hat.

Paws_Cat | 29

#6426291 - Sunday 4 October 2015 0:27

It blew off when he got out of his car or off the bus.

By luckypants | 17

#6426005 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:45

That's when you scavenge for an extra that may be laying around in the back somewhere...

By cleydc | 9

#6426009 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:50

Sorry OP, hopefully he won't be so "hatful!" Haha I'm sorry

ilovesoccer1610 | 31

#6426031 - Saturday 3 October 2015 16:43

You should be

cleydc | 9

#6426077 - Saturday 3 October 2015 18:47

Haha cmon this many dislikes

ohSNAPyall | 26

#6426090 - Saturday 3 October 2015 19:21

I disliked it because my eyes skipped over the "work hat" part when I was reading. "This FML isn't even about a hat!" I thought to myself.

By dyoy_87 | 21

#6426011 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:53

Just headbutt him

By cooltatgar | 30

#6426012 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:53

"My dog ate my name tag, and later defected on my work hat"

By wickedhyype | 17

#6426014 - Saturday 3 October 2015 15:59

"Well, what had happened was"

By Miss_Chevious | 37

#6426015 - Saturday 3 October 2015 16:00

Don't you know Murphy's law? Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

By MELKOZAR | 27

#6426022 - Saturday 3 October 2015 16:23

At least he wouldn't know your name!!