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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Man or woman?

Today, my fiancé proposed to me at the movies. The movie stopped in the middle, and my fiancé stands up, takes out a microphone and announces to the entire theatre that he loves me. Right when he went on one knee, someone shouts, "Turn the movie back on!", and throws a cup of coke at my head. FML

#1832318
341 comments

I agree, your life sucks (75113) - you deserved it (14398)

On 05/10/2009 at 11:28pm - misc - by Anonymous - Canada (Ontario)

Today, my Dad took me to a yankee game at the new Yankees stadium. During the 5th inning the camera crew put a man on the big screen. I then yelled out "Look at that ugly asshole!" It was the guy sitting 4 seats to the left of me. FML

#1830985
178 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8330) - you deserved it (92798)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:07pm - misc - by XxespoxX (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, my mom told me to follow her car closely to my aunt's house. I kept really close to her which caused me to get pulled over for tailgating. I explained everything to the cop so he went over to my mom to see if that was the truth. My mom said she didn't know me. I got a ticket. Thanks mom. FML

#1828109
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (74790) - you deserved it (4998)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:55pm - misc - by newdriver (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I got stopped for shoplifting at a department store. They took me back to the security room and showed me the tapes. I was taking my own designer lipgloss that I had bought a month before out of my purse. FML

#1818447
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (57380) - you deserved it (3961)

On 05/10/2009 at 4:36pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Tennessee)

Today, I bought my mom a gift certificate for a spa treatment for two so we could spend some quality time together. She took my sister. FML

#1814886
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (61576) - you deserved it (3362)

On 05/10/2009 at 2:37pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Hawaii)

Today, I missed my flight because I was stopped by airport security. They found "small, suspicious, spherical objects" in my purse on the X-ray. After pulling me out of line, taking my purse aside and carefully opening it with tongs, they removed the bag of grapes I had packed as a snack. FML

#1808488
196 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49391) - you deserved it (10273)

On 05/10/2009 at 10:18am - misc - by Ya - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I cut down a dead tree in my yard. The top hit the ground and the base seesawed up in the air and came down on my head. I hit the ground like a sack of flour. Fortunately, the wood was rotted and soft. Unfortunately, the chainsaw was still running. 28 stitches in my calf. FML

#1807200
242 comments

I agree, your life sucks (77033) - you deserved it (12430)

On 05/10/2009 at 8:44am - misc - by Jopes (man) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I got rear-ended at a stoplight by a woman who had been doing her make-up while driving. She didn't get out to see if I was okay until she had finished perfectly applying both lipliner and gloss. FML

#1806143
71 comments

I agree, your life sucks (53871) - you deserved it (2311)

On 05/10/2009 at 5:56am - misc - by disturbed (woman) - United States (Arizona)

Today, I treated myself to a spa day at home. First, I decided to do a hot oil treatment on my hair. I was leaning over the saucepan of oil on the stove when it flared up in my face. On the bright side, I no longer have to worry about plucking my eyebrows. FML

#1800001
113 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17245) - you deserved it (47569)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:48am - misc - by torchy (woman) - United States (Texas)

Today, I graduated from college with two undergrad degrees in biochem and wildlife biology, with high distinction. My mom told me she had found me a job at a petting zoo. I thought she was joking. She then said sternly "I want grandkids. At least you will meet girls there." FML

#1798855
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (47376) - you deserved it (3246)

On 05/10/2009 at 12:18am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Nebraska)

Today, my mom asked if I wanted to come to dinner with my parents and my grandparents who are in from London. When we got to the restaurant, there was a wait. My mom made me walk home because they could get a table quicker for a group of four than a group of five. FML

#1792856
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (63490) - you deserved it (2607)

On 05/09/2009 at 9:48pm - misc - by charlie (woman) - United States (Delaware)

Today, I texted everyone in my phone to remind them mother's day is tomorrow. Everyone including the boy whose mom died last year. FML

#1783104
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17344) - you deserved it (75101)

On 05/09/2009 at 4:38pm - misc - by Anonymous - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, I was playing with my phone and turned it on lock mode. I changed my lock code a few months ago, so that no one would be able to guess it. Turns out I can't guess it either. FML

#1780717
69 comments

I agree, your life sucks (10986) - you deserved it (52863)

On 05/09/2009 at 3:06pm - misc - by ugheffmylife - United States (California)



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