Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Replaced by a clanker
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Bored
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML
Don't you want me baby?
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Waste of time
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Tease
Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML
So frustrating!
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
Top comments
logic368 8
Man, errbody gettin cockblocked by the government...
raininginseattle 9
Congrats #2. You must be getting screwed by the government instead.
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Comments (195)
logic368 8
Man, errbody gettin cockblocked by the government...
Denny1 15
Not me
raininginseattle 9
Congrats #2. You must be getting screwed by the government instead.
ghil15 8
and yha your wife is being **** by the goverment... sorry OP
Superstitious 6
I accidentally read this as "Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on my wife while in bed..." Confusing, yet intriguing.
x3jmac27 22
57. Thats how I read it too at first!
\ 28
This is the second in a series of misinterpreted FMLs containing the word "coming."
AnOriginalName 19
First the government ***** us, then it shuts down and cockblocks us. Scumbag government.
WeAreAHurricane 14
Op got more shut down than the government
Ambient25 25
I blame the Republicans for OP's blue balls
counterfit 10
Boehner strikes again. Or not, as it were.
swaggalikethat 22
What the hell does that even mean???
Lilxpie 18
I read #1's comment in Cleavland's voice.
nh97103 9
You can thank the Democrats, OP.
runnerj116 11
Thanks Obama!
ruckfules85 34
You're not really gonna settle for that are you
ottokat 15
Yes, he is. Because she does not have to write a goddamn essay on why she won't have sex with him. No means no.
BubbleGrunge 18
While I don't think she needs to write him a novel about why she isn't sexual interested, she could actually talk to her husband instead of acting cold. OP stated this wasn't the first time which makes it seem like they're having some sort of marital problems, even if it's just in the bedroom. Best way to solve problems? Talk about them and fix it.
UberNova 18
Woah 60... You know that couples don't talk things out, c'mon. They just act passive aggressive and expect the other to deal with it/know what is up.
Palirose 22
I agree with 60, if there's an issue she should speak to her husband. Passive aggressive behavior isn't going to solve anything and sex is an important part of a relationship. If sex is dull for her now she should tell him that and try to do new things to spice it up etc.
Ambient25 25
I agree with #60. The worst thing you can do is go to sleep when there's an issue. I always try to work things out if I have to before the day is over. It makes cuddling that much better.
davincidasecond 24
No one says she has to write an essay 43. But if she's going to give a passive aggressive response instead of being real, then no, OP shouldn't really settle for a response like that. The more I come across people like that, the more I understand why so many people nowadays prefer to be single.
TwistedCherub1 15
Everyone who says she should tell him what's wrong, I agree IF it's that simple. Maybe she's not sure. Maybe she doesn't know how to say the sex is bad without hurting his feelings. Sometimes a partner needs to evaluate their own behavior. OP, "romance" involves more than rolling over & trying to get sex. Did you put more effort into it earlier in your marriage? Try treating her like you did when you were newlyweds: compliments, little surprises, anything you did often but don't much anymore.
Bloink 25
It's a girl thing. I do it too and I honestly can say I have no idea why :/
sarah6786 14
that's not a girl thing. I'm a girl. that's not my thing.
R3TROxLOV3 32
Please don't generalize and include all girls in your stupidity. It's not "a girl thing" as much as it is an issue that you yourself are having.
Tdrizzzzzly 19
My girlfriend constantly says she's never in the mood too. Like over a month of that. it's so frustrating.
Horsempeg 25
If its the same old thing every time, some girls are like that. Some guys are too. Switch things up to keep both parties interested! I have been with the same guy for 6 years and we still aren't like that.
LanceGoodthrust 19
The government shutdown is a girl thing?
Bloink 25
Yes, I was obviously talking about the government guys, c'mon way to assume :p
BrutalnHonestbro 7
Idiot that says "Its a girl thing". No, its a passive-aggressive (sometimes cheating) bitch thing. I've never ONCE turned my husband down for it. Even if I was upset with him. Sex is not a weapon to punish your partner with by withholding it from him/her or forcing him/her to do it. Maybe you should get yourself some serious personal one-on-one counselling before considering dating. OP, **** that. That's bullshit, she shouldn't be being a passive-aggressive twat who assumes you can read minds, its not fair and being passive-aggressive is a form of mental abuse.
texashater75 16
I guess your wife just furloughed you.
TheDrifter 24
The ****** has been sequestered?
AnOriginalName 19
The legs are closed until further notice.
thrAsHeRr9081 16
Just poke her with it. Chicks loooooveee that; automatically puts us in the mood.
TheDrifter 24
So that's what's up with spooning.
JMichael 26
105- thanks for the tip. I think every guy on here needed to know that.
ebonyirony 29
Eh. I've had moods where I don't want to have sex. Boyfriends the same way.
JonathanLeon1 10
What the!? Boyfriends the same way...haha yea right
purochiwas1 9
haha thats what Im saying!!
ebonyirony 29
Yeah actually. I actually have a higher sex drive than him.
rosenkrieger223 24
23 & 33, not all guys are hormone driven sex fiends. compared to most other guys I know, I actually have a pretty low drive.
TheMathMajor 26
For sure, there have been times when my boyfriend has turned down my advances as well. Men are not totally sex driven like popular culture would have you believe.
JMichael 26
I have a low sex drive too. I'm rarely horny. But still when a girl is up for sex all she has to do is give the good word and I'm ready to go.
J352SAURUS 30
Yeah, I have a far higher sex drive than my boyfriend too. It's a bummer sometimes. We only do "it" when he wants, which is like two or three times a month. I got on birth control for this guy and I get rejected so often it makes me feel ashamed for liking sex. We've been together for over four years and he's my first boyfriend. So yeah, guys really aren't the constantly horny individuals society makes them out to be. Most of the time anyway. It goes both ways.
joopjoop 19
maybe your idea how of romantic isn't what she had in mind? try talking to her about her likes and dislikes to get a better idea ;) good luck! I hope the government opens soon!
joopjoop 19
please ignore the word "how", i was on my phone and autocorrect somehow magically slipped that in there =
Vanillanougat 14
Shutting down the government and it's subsidiaries was one thing.... but this... this is pure evil...
Sandsh8rk 36
Yes, because a person refusing to have sex with their spouse is totally worse than the US government shutting down.
MrSassypants 34
#41 Finally! Someone who gets it!
olpally 33
Confront her and talk this out.
Caitie_kid 8
Agreed, they should talk this out before he gets too frustrated about it. I turn down sex all the time as does my husband, but we always make sure the other knows why. Feelings get hurt when there's no communication.
ottokat 15
*approach normally you do not have to "confront" her. she hasn't done you a major wrong by not having sex with you. Talk.
Bloink 25
I have to say this: Thanks Obama!
iAlissa 34
It's not Obama who shut the government down you twit
TheDrifter 24
All he had to do was agree to their terms or compromise and this all could have been avoided. Let the argument begin *grabs popcorn*
ottokat 15
no. I am douche-blocking this section of comments.
jasmine2301 25
#47, What?
MrSassypants 34
Actually, #10 got Obama's signature on a football, which is why he's thanking Obama.
mFUNdo21 17
#10, I'm a democracy the president doesn't decide what to do on his own (that would be a dictatorship), he is merely the spokesperson who communicates others' decisions to the people this is my understanding of a democratic government, please correct me if I'm wrong and have made myself seem dumber than a doorknob
TheDrifter 24
Close. In the American democracy he is also the spokesman for his political party and he has the power to veto (refuse to sign into law) bills passed by the people's representatives if he disagrees with them or wants to make a political point of opposing those who passed them.
Bloink 25
It's an internet joke, I obviously wasn't serious. I know about how the shutdown works and I'm also a girl so you guys know
BrutalnHonestbro 7
We got that from your poorly-educated comment saying that all girls were bitches and did it just to be a bitch to their man. No one cares if you've got a twat or a dick.
yukumariooo 11
*Sarcastically * My wife is never in the mood any more. Thanks, Obama!