Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
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Top comments
logic368 8
Man, errbody gettin cockblocked by the government...
raininginseattle 9
Congrats #2. You must be getting screwed by the government instead.
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Comments (195)
shivafloof 5
If she gave such a flippant answer, it's probably because you haven't been listening to her. I can tell you from experience that, if you're suffering from a low libido, having to justify your disinterest in sex repeatedly because your partner won't take a simple 'no' for an answer just makes things worse. Many people experience a low libido at some point in their lives, and there may not be any reason for it. You've just got to be patient and wait for her to come to you. Of course, she may simply not be attracted to you any more, in which case I'd recommend the two of you sit down and have a serious discussion.
irkaylarenae269 5
this, honestly, kinda made my day.
bluedevil53 3
Anybody else read "coming on my wife"? Weirdest mental picture ever
TheComedyAudio 29
Thanks Obama
ryanthecheeseguy 18
I've seen this comment 20 times on this FML
gimmicksz 9
She's not turned on by you anymore, sorry, but in my book ydi cuz you dont sound romantic, sounds like you try for sex all the time
raphdragon02 8
she's cheating.
Shepardspie71 8
Maybe she is getting another's seed
Guilty_Turtle 6
Thanks Obama
SillyHumans 2
She's cheating on you!!!!!!!
sengmeng 4
Are you President Obama?