Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
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Top comments
logic368 8
Man, errbody gettin cockblocked by the government...
raininginseattle 9
Congrats #2. You must be getting screwed by the government instead.
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Comments (195)
vanaathiel 13
How is coming onto your wife in bed romantic? Cook her a dinner, take her out, that's romantic. Pawing at someone when they are getting ready to sleep isn't really a turn on
tranced_ 45
she sounds like Skyler to me.. maybe there's a ted beneke in her life too!
mattorama 15
Nagging your wife for sex is a tremendous way to turn her off like a light switch.
TheDrifter 24
Jeez, that's rough. Even the government works at 85% capacity during a shut down. Maybe try a different department? Alternate method of contact? If neither of those is working you'll just have to try again during regular business hours tomorrow.
blackonblight 33
I'm sorry, what was romantic about what you did? Maybe the problem is your idea of romance. Or maybe she's just tired. Which could be due to stress. Which things like the babies in congress can make worse. Talk about it during the day.
tranced_ 45
you still have your left hand!
KCToxic 7
Maybe you should appreciate her more? Besides when she has to make an excuse because you wont accept a "no" thats not good.
uhnevermind 24
From what the FML said, he was trying to be romantic for her, and was concerned about the change. That's a hell of a lot better than most guys. So how is it not appreciating her?
buttcramp 21
is there more to the story? is she directly being effected by it like got laid off or something? if so, i get it but if not.. laaaame excuse
neuroticallyyour_fml 17
Did you miss the part where OP said that she used the excuse sarcastically?
tman1985 9
134- "sarcastically" is the op's opinion, it doesnt mean op's gf was actually being sarcastic. more info is needed on op's gf... does she work for the gov't?
worldclassrager 41
Damn government...she'll be in the mood soon..,
JustDukky 2
That's not romance. That's you wanting sex. Maybe if you actually romanced her OUT of bed, she would be more receptive. Then again, maybe she's just not in the mood to f**k, which is just fine.