Today, trying to be romantic, I started coming on to my wife while in bed, only for her to yet again say she wasn't in the mood. When I asked why she never is lately, she sarcastically blamed it on the government shutdown, then rolled over to go to sleep. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, for the third time this week, I came home to my wife asleep in bed, her pants down, and her vibrator in her hand. She keeps refusing sex because she "isn't in the mood" and insists there's nothing wrong. To rub salt in the wound, I bought her the vibrator as a gift, hoping to spice things up. FML
Today, my wife told me she was very horny as we have not had sex in about two weeks, so I told her to do something for me to get me in the mood. She sighed and then went upstairs to get ready for work. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, when the power went out, my wife said it was too bad we couldn't have sex by candlelight since she had just started her period. The only time she brings up sex is when we can't do it. FML
Today, I was dead tired and just wanted sleep, so I jumped into bed the second the day's chores were done. Of fucking course, this was the day my fiancée decided to end our eight-week dry spell and came in wearing sexy lingerie. I couldn't stay hard due to exhaustion, and now she's been crying. FML
Today, after weeks of every excuse not to, my wife wanted sex. It was amazing, and she had at least 3 orgasms. Instead of cuddling afterwards, she got up like someone kicked her and started bitching about all the things she could have been doing, as she got dressed and stormed out. FML
Today, I started making love to my wife as soon as the kids were occupied. She just laid there the whole time and never responded, except for a few times to say "Ouch." FML
Today, my fiancee told me she felt horny and was excited for bed, then got mad when I seemed indifferent. I'd be more interested if she didn't constantly wind me up by talking about sex, then get cold feet the second we're alone. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, my wife told me that getting in the mood to have sex with me is like trying to get in the mood to hit the treadmill. FML
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Top comments
logic368 8
Man, errbody gettin cockblocked by the government...
raininginseattle 9
Congrats #2. You must be getting screwed by the government instead.
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Comments (195)
Vnzlan_girl 10
THANKS OBAMA (Jenna Marbles reference)
mooseantlers 1
thats a shitty excuse. maybe asking her isnt the way to go, just gotta figure it out yourself like any resourceful person that cares about their sex life..
daboar 5
lol gov shutdown can be depressing
Dusty_Busters 15
STOP! hooker time! I'm jk, maybe talk it through.
katykoolcat 13
Theres nothing wrong when someone doesn't want to have sex. Sex is not everything in a partnership.
QueenSaru 28
You're right, but it is a big part, and being sarcastic or even worse lying about why you're not in the mood isn't a good way to communicate with a partner.
katykoolcat 13
Yep, trust and communication is all you need. I don't even have to say no he knows and understands.
flipper1215 4
Thanks Obama
Octwo 16
Should try some foreplay before coming on your wife.
burningpassion69 6
Yell surprise an stick it in
toritoisback 1
this is what you do !!! 1st. you cook her dinner ! 2nd. you get bottle of wine! 3rd. you put some nice music!!! 4th. you gotta look sharp!! and last but not least when dinner its done you grab your keys and you go out!!! you can thank me later when she f.... ur brains out !
katykoolcat 13
1. Do not drink and drive..2. Personally after a meal i cant be bothered to go out till digested. So You go out 1st .... Then come home and do all that..
doodlebug33 20
No government shutdown would stop me from being intimate with my hubby
drshn 22
aww, aren't you a sweetheart