Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML
Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
guess you will have to wait 9 months to prove yourself
eva_baby25 4
She calls back a week later after you get chewed out, " sorry wrong number"
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Comments (194)
rashadmahmoud 4
Bad luck.
kooochris1995 14
Obviously!
Rinat_fml 26
Relationships are about trust, she will just have to believe you.
eva_baby25 4
It would be hard to believe but not impossible to trust him when she's having a girl leaving a message on there machine, that's going to take work to fix and a whole lot of trust
periwinkle95 10
Maybe his wife called and left a message as that woman and was playing a prank on him. Haha
Tits_N_Turbos 20
If he was seeing this other girl he would have to be pretty dumb to give her his home fone number
Furrywhiplash 14
55- it's phone*. There is no 'f' in phone -.-
blue_mist 7
Yeah no shit!
TheWindowLicker 13
47-...the **** are you smoking? That comment was horrendous. That Is all.
ilikepanties 0
47- Dumbass. It's *67.
Sparks808 10
*67 is to make your number private. *69 is to call the last number that called you. So I think he did mean *69. People on here jump on supposed errors way too quickly, making themselves look stupid in the process. Geez.
iDont_fml 0
105~ Its *69...Dumbass SMH! Its so funny when people try to be a smart ass & they end up looking like a "dumbass"
aron7628 5
Actually it's dependent on location
RedPillSucks 33
Honestly, I thought he was talking about doing 69 on her. All this phone terminology is making me horny.
I_AmTheStig 0
That's what I thought too lmao
Jamialia 5
April fools!
kooochris1995 14
It's still January.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
Phew! Thanks 20, I almost believed that!!!
a1f0sff 25
Maybe she was worried she would forget on the actual April fools day and wanted to get it out of way...
cyK0tek 0
Is 20 a transformer??
ScaughtieHolden 11
OH BOB SAGET!
skullcandifiedDJ 5
20- no, it's a Mitsubishi Lancer... Sigh* why did I even bother..
mike3775 39
guess you will have to wait 9 months to prove yourself
xXkingmikeXx 5
Or simply call his own house and pretend that he is a guy that had sex with op's wife and forgot to use a condom
Yelyah46 6
That really sucks, I hope she'll believe you soon! First comment!!!!
marti1497 10
try 4th.
eva_baby25 4
She calls back a week later after you get chewed out, " sorry wrong number"
thisisafunnyname 12
I'm taking "chewed out" to mean brutally murdered.
eva_baby25 4
Lol yes that sounds more accurate
Sybarite_fml 5
That's gonna be a lot of makeup sex for OP
eva_baby25 4
If he's lucky to get it lol
PRpandaz 6
Good luck
alival 12
She'll see it's a lie in a few months
viper64 10
Paternity test, anyone?
USMC_Cpl 5
^With a side of who's the father?
Ne_Oublie 3
OP never said he wasn't the father
Ne_Oublie 3
OP never said he wasn't the father
silentbutfunny 0
85 its hard to get someone pregnant you don't know. Unless you have that low of standerds.... Or shes THAT hot
KeyboardWarrior 10
Obviously OP is not the father if she called the wrong house. Reading comprehension is taught in second grade isn't it?
lrgenesis 19
Yeah in a few months tests would show the baby looks nothing like. Still the situation would be just terrible…
lrgenesis 19
Like OP*
music_woman1 11
That sucks! Is there anyway you can convince your wife that it's the wrong number?
Jaxx66 21
Yeah. Call the angry wrong number woman back and have a conversation with her on speaker. :)
PaulB123 11
That's just peachy. Great way to be greeted when coming home from work! On the bright side when your wife figures out she's wrong, she's going to owe you a biggg apology! ;)
kikiwi_fml 9
How was she to know it was the wrong number? I wouldnt be calm in a situation like that, freaking out is more than appropriate if you believed your spouse got another woman pregnant. They should just call that woman back, have the wife listen as the husband clarifies that the woman had the wrong number if that were truely the case.
PaulB123 11
I dunno, maybe trust her husband more than she trusts the word of a stranger?
Jaxx66 21
I agree that she shouldn't of flipped out. I would have personally called the woman back before he got home and asked her the mans name and such to clarify for myself. Why wait and seeth?
jad07 0
Call her back and let your wife hear who she is really looking for. Sucks to be her pregnant and reeling the person that over the phone.
bitchslapped22 14
He should have used one of those Nike condoms