Today, I came home to a furious wife and an answering machine message from a woman neither of us know claiming I got her pregnant. My wife won't believe she got the wrong number. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, when I woke up I checked my phone for messages, only to hear a woman screaming that I have been sleeping with her husband and that she is sending her 'people' after me. I have never met said husband. I panicked for hours, only to receive a call telling me she had dialed the wrong number. FML
Today, I got a call from the guy I have been seeing. I wasn't him. It was his wife wondering why I have her husband's number. FML
Today, a woman screamed at me for five minutes, demanding to know how long I'd been having an affair with her husband. I explained for the second time that she'd dialed a wrong number. FML
Today, I got a call from the wife, but I was asleep so she left a voicemail. Seems like she accidentally called while sleeping with another man. FML
Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML
Today, after nearly a month, I found out my wife isn't pregnant after all. She was just screwing around to win a bet with her friends on how long it'd take me to figure out the truth. FML
Today, my ex called, saying she's 3 months pregnant. She seems to have forgotten that we haven't been in the same room, much less friends, in over a year. My dimwitted wife thinks the baby is mine. FML
Today, I took a call. Wrong number. A few seconds later, they called back and I told her that she had the wrong number. She said she just hit redial and didn't understand how she got me again. I tried to explain how redial works. She called me a moron and hung up. Then my phone rang again. FML
Today, my wife’s ex-boyfriend sent me a message with a screenshot of her trying to get in touch with him. FML
Today, I found out my wife is pregnant. She hadn't even called me; I saw the news on my Facebook news feed. FML
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Top comments
mike3775 39
guess you will have to wait 9 months to prove yourself
eva_baby25 4
She calls back a week later after you get chewed out, " sorry wrong number"
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Comments (194)
Havin 19
I had nothing to write so I just wrote this.
A7x4REVer 3
Epic lmfao
CryMoreFMLs 15
You're both incompetant... (praying I spelled that right)
BeccaHugs 17
^ you didn't.
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
Wasteful comment. The end.
silentbutfunny 0
Wasteful thread. Wait, im feeding into it >.
CaptainPickles72 18
Havin is a waste of an FML profile! He made the exact same comment on the FML where the girlfriend said her boyfriend was like her brother. If you're gonna waste a comment at least use something new!
perdix 31
Just because you "hit it and quit it" doesn't mean you don't know her. You are not innocent because your forgot her name in your drunken stupor.
eeeeeeee 5
You know, not everything warrants a cynical response.
TourettesGuyFTW 26
^^Yes, a likely story..
perdix 31
I agree, eee..., not every story warrants a cynical response. But, this one does! You think the wife would have been "furious" if she hadn't already suspected the OP was ******* around? If things were good between them, his denial would have been sufficient. Am I cynical, or insightful?
silentbutfunny 0
First time i seen perdix on the defensive... O.o
Pr0metheus 7
First time I've seen perdix get buried, now we will feel his wrath
mama2b3 20
You raise a good point Perdix, I'll go with insightful.
CBlaze93 10
Your neither. Your just not right in the head.
perdix 31
Pr0metheus, I've been buried dozens of times.
Pentium_4 27
it's okay perdix, we all love you
RedPillSucks 33
I liked Jumber10's rap, though.
lrgenesis 19
Perdix- Cynical.
Ins_Knie 2
Perdix the lawyer has lucifer as the main client. I don't always like his comments, but they are always brilliant. He gets my thumbs up while his naysayers get the finger.
rttr 18
I do
rttr 18
Bbbbbb but that's perdix's specialty.
bitchslapped22 14
Well just try to convince her
A7x4REVer 3
Get a guy friend to text her saying "thanks for the great time last night ;)" and accuse her of cheating
ymcmbboss 0
Vindictive... I like it!
BeccaHugs 17
Yeah that sounds like a healthy marriage.
Furrywhiplash 14
61- It may not sound like a healthy marriage, but it does sound like a normal one.
PiErC3 0
luv ur pic and name
diidiimi 10
I don't see how that's a normal marriage?
silentbutfunny 0
127, you do know 50% of marriages end up being divorces, right? If half the people are doin it, id say its normal.
leafysalad 2
Who has an answering machine anymore?
n3rd43v3r 10
... He does
TourettesGuyFTW 26
23- forever alone...
mike3775 39
I still have an answering machine, along with caller ID. When the wife and I see whose calling via Caller ID, and we both don't want to bother, we let it go tot he machine after 4 rings to see what they want.
Enslaved 38
I also have an answering machine. I let the machine pick up and I screen all my calls. My cell phone number is given out to only my closest of friends. Anything else such as doctor visits reminders etc.... Are through my land line number.(:
mekora 6
Easy solution, call the woman (if she left her # or whatever) put her on speakerphone and ask who she was trying to contact. When she gives the wrong name, explain the situation to her, with your wife right there. If she is any sort of decent person she will confirm that she called the wrong #.
silentbutfunny 0
Or "*69" if op doesnt have caller id
railfanner123 0
Fraternity Test!
mekora 6
Fraternity test? As in see what fraternity party she went to and got pregnant at?
sparklecherry 4
Haha!!!
OhHushDear 11
Lol that made me laugh so hard xD The word you're looking for is paternity.
chelseaaa92 7
Wow, that's awful! The truth will come out sooner or later!
perdix 31
Maury Povich can save you . . . or doom you. Are you SURE you're not the papa?
kittenvks 11
Which is basically the same thing that you said in the last comment that got buried this one got lots of thumbs up. I applaud you Perdix, you really know how to work a crowd :D
moop256 10
Or make A bunch of fake profiles...
cannibletaco 6
168- I've seen plenty of you comments and this is by far the dumbest one.
chellyX92 8
She called and said "hey you got me pregnant" and hung up no name no nothing. Well she's an idiot it's ashame she's breeding. FYL btw.