Intimacy: Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with...

By Patrick - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26398

You deserved it

5241

Favorite

Intimacy

Season finale

Backwards world

I don't wanna

By avalanche719 - United States

Today, I went to pay my vehicle registration in person to avoid paying the $10.00 online service fee. After a long wait, I came out to find a $15.00 parking ticket on my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17719

You deserved it

24484

Favorite

By a man - United States - Houston

Today, my girlfriend and I were at the movies. When the "love scene" came on, she leaned over and made out with the wrong man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

68158

You deserved it

5373

Favorite

By FMlovelife - United States

Today, I stumbled across my ex's blog. Apparently, while dating me, he realized he was gay. Good to know the one guy I've dated, lost my virginity to, and fell in love with, was never truly attracted to me and was dating me just to be sure. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35668

You deserved it

2945

Favorite

By stupidboys - United States

Today, I got dumped by my boyfriend after helping him study for his ACT, giving him a back rub, and having really awesome sex with him. His reason for dumping me? He's too stressed out to have a girlfriend right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks

38631

You deserved it

4587

Favorite

By faulty plumbimg! - India

Today, I got my period 2 days early, while being interviewed for my dream job. Let's just say that I don't have very high hopes after walking backwards to the exit door and falling down upon colliding with the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47048

You deserved it

4102

Favorite

By finalfantasy - United States - Aurora

Today, my brother thought it would be absolutely hilarious to replace my cold sore cream with superglue. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3747

You deserved it

245

Favorite

By Anonymous - 22/4/2021 08:01

Nobody wins

Today, I found that the product we shipped and what the salesman billed don't match. It's my job to flag such issues, as they cost the company money. The salesman asked me to shut up and be his accomplice, as it was done to please the client. The sales manager had to agree, but said I was causing trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks

858

You deserved it

Favorite

By Anonymous

"shortcomings"

Today, my girlfriend and I lost our virginity to each other, or so I thought. I heard her on the phone with her sister saying that I’m definitely the smallest dick she’s ever had, but the size of my bank account encourages her to overlook my shortcomings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7780

You deserved it

606

Favorite

By annie00016 - United States

Today, I tried to set up my brand new washer and dryer. How hard can it be, right? After cutting my hand in 3 places on the dryer vent, I finished it off with electrocuting myself. So much for being a domestic goddess. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24999

You deserved it

10014

Favorite

By NotAMorningPerson - United States

Today, after informing my boss I needed stress leave from my 70 hour a week shifts, I got my new work assignment. Sixty hours a week starting at 2am. FML

I agree, your life sucks

29464

You deserved it

4036

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I found out that I'm highly-placed in my wrestling competition this year. I also found out that I have mono and won't be able to take part for at least the first half of the competition. FML

I agree, your life sucks

39373

You deserved it

3931

Favorite

By bitchface - United States

Plans

Today, I looked at my father's Facebook for the first time in a month to see a status saying, "Making wedding plans!" Really? When was he planning on telling his own daughter? FML

I agree, your life sucks

31805

You deserved it

3041

Favorite

By ShowOff - United Kingdom

Today, I tried to demonstrate to my friend how laughably dull our kitchen knives are by swiping one across my palm. Turns out Dad noticed the problem yesterday and sharpened them. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11160

You deserved it

53343

Favorite

By Anonymous - Sweden

Today, I saw a girl on the subway that I knew so I started waving frantically. She gave me a really weird expression and moved quickly away from me. Then I realised that I only knew her because I had stalked her Facebook once. FML

I agree, your life sucks

9879

You deserved it

54075

Favorite

By srsly_what - United Kingdom

Today, a little girl wandered into the glass-cleaning area of the pub I work at. It's a dangerous place for a little kid, so I took her hand and asked where her mum was. The kid starts screaming and the mother appears in the doorway shouting "GET AWAY FROM MY BABY!" FML

I agree, your life sucks

36521

You deserved it

3496

Favorite

By IHateSchool-.- - United States

Today, I asked my teacher how old he was, and jokingly I said, "50?" Then he chuckled, so I laughed and said, "I was kidding… 42, 43, 44?" He then looked at me and said, "Are you trying to guess my age, or your grade percent in this class?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

23242

You deserved it

30074

Favorite

By :( - United States

Today, I learned it's best not to piss off your mom when she's cutting your hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13282

You deserved it

42219

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - New York

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me during a funeral. FML

I agree, your life sucks

52041

You deserved it

4501

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Warren

Today, my mother and I got into an argument, and she told me to go to my room. I refused, prompting her to slap the shit out of me. I'm 29, and she was visiting me at my own house. FML

I agree, your life sucks

63522

You deserved it

6438

Favorite

By Anonymous - Australia

Today, I was walking through town when a rough looking woman asked me for a cigarette. I don't smoke but I offered her some apples, and she took two. As I continued on past her, she pegged both of them at me, hitting the back of my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks

40146

You deserved it

11862

Favorite

By schooyou101 - United States - Prairie Village

Today, my crush finally agreed to spend the night with me. I told my parents to act normal for one night. Apparently, "normal" is strutting around naked and acting like a chicken. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31032

You deserved it

6113

Favorite

By dancer4life - United States

Today, in ballet class, I was really focusing and actually trying to work hard. I was really getting into the choreography. I was travelling big and leaping long. While going across the floor, again I travelled and leaped... right into the ballet bars and fell over, in front of 35 people. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22012

You deserved it

6097

Favorite

By Looking4ajob - United States - Jackson

Today, I asked my manager what NSFW stands for. FML

I agree, your life sucks

10515

You deserved it

4178

Favorite

By Class - United States - Newton Center

Today, I brought my 90-year-old grandfather into school for a project that required to bring in "a first-hand account" of the Great Depression. He started off by telling the class how in his day, they "threw rocks at black people." FML

I agree, your life sucks

32121

You deserved it

4407

Favorite

By Anonymous

Stuck in the past

Today, I found out my boyfriend still writes Twilight fan fiction. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1312

You deserved it

374

Favorite

By hellosir - United States

Today, while at my dorm, I experienced a vomit-inducing migraine. In my hurry to get to the bathroom to puke, I couldn't find a pair of shoes. I urgently needed the toilet, so I braved the communal bathroom barefoot. As I opened the stall door, I stepped in someone else's fresh vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks

37286

You deserved it

4187

Favorite

By aaannnddd there goes my boner - United Kingdom

Today, I arrived at work six minutes late due to heavily congested traffic. This is just two days after my boss put out a memo saying that anyone who's late to work from then until the new year will have their holiday bonus pay forfeited. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46121

You deserved it

8390

Favorite

Too stupid

Today, I was picking my nose so aggressively that I flicked a booger right into my eye. FML

I agree, your life sucks

451

You deserved it

2158

Favorite

By GuitarNerd - United States - Denver

Today, my mom told me that I would get to leave school halfway through the day. What she didn't tell me was that the reason I was missing school was to get 2 teeth pulled. FML

I agree, your life sucks

5652

You deserved it

723

Favorite

By lovely - Netherlands

Today, while having sex, my girlfriend suddenly broke down and started crying. Apparently, when I'm horny, my face reminds her of her dead dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46398

You deserved it

4559

Favorite

By Anonymous - 20/4/2021 21:30

Maybe it's by accident?

Today, I've been binge-watching a certain Twitch/YouTube streamer. I love his political insights, but I've noticed he keeps saying, "On accident." It grinds my gears so much, I had to go outside and listen to birds chirping instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks

460

You deserved it

452

Favorite

By phonemenace - United States

Today, I counted the amount of stuff that my dad had bought within a week: a brand new boat, car, and truck. He also has countless gadgets at his office, including a 60" television. Our house is literally falling apart but Mr. Midlife-crisis won't do anything to help. FML

I agree, your life sucks

33683

You deserved it

2798

Favorite

By yamsterr - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I agreed to tell her parents that she's pregnant. When they started freaking out, instead of dealing with the situation maturely, she went into straight-up denial and said, "It's okay, I'm not the mom." FML

I agree, your life sucks

33856

You deserved it

6660

Favorite

By anonymous - United States - Grandville

Today, at the yacht club I work at a girl ordered a Portabella wrap. She asked for no cheese or veggies, just the Portabellas. After she got the sandwich and ate half of it, she sent it back saying she didn't know it had mushrooms in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48558

You deserved it

3318

Favorite

By Randomspaghetti - United States - Lehi

Today, a cute guy complimented me on my legs. I, being the awkward person that I am, panicked and replied, "Thanks, I grew them myself." FML

I agree, your life sucks

14081

You deserved it

2301

Favorite

By Anonymous - Libyan Arab Jamahiriya

Double take

Today, after sex, my boyfriend turned to me and said, "You know, sometimes, you look like Kevin Spacey." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29523

You deserved it

3690

Favorite

By Anonymous - United States - Wittmann

Today, I'm on vacation and stupidly bought the cheapest sunblock I could find. Instead of protecting my skin, the sunblock acted as a damn lightning rod for the sun, and I now look like I just spent a few hours on a spit-roast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16481

You deserved it

8612

Favorite

By shia

Today, I got a super short pixie cut. All my boyfriend could do was stare at me, speechless. I thought he was taken aback by how cute it was until he told me that I look exactly like my fifteen year old brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

26568

You deserved it

21816

Favorite

By Anonymous - Canada

Today, my friend posted my picture on Craigslist under the "men seeking men" section. I got 16 replies with 2 hours. He then decided to post another picture of me under "men seeking women" to compare results. The only reply I got was from a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks

49679

You deserved it

4141

Favorite

By Anonymous - 18/10/2020 17:02 - United States - Pittsburgh

Alexa, play "Leave Me Alone" by New Order

Today, I noticed that the longer I work from home, the more inclined my mother is to interrupting it every five or ten minutes. She says I can stay online late to make it a full 8 hours, but then gets mad when I actually do so. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1047

You deserved it

108

Favorite

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By actorboy461 | 0

#802634 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

That sucks....
& apparently she does too =P

By davidhasmorefun | 0

#802986 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:48

today I just lost my man card. to my girlfriend. fml

COMMENTS

By grungecat | 0

#802625 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:20

ydi

aaronsko | 0

#802631 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:22

ydi for not making a move on her..

YeahFMLxX | 0

#803738 - Thursday 28 January 2010 4:00

Pics - if your hot..

hellokittywhore | 0

#1140734 - Monday 26 July 2010 3:27

lol same with my current boy friend, untill I came along that is!! :D

leela11 | 0

#2438846 - Sunday 1 May 2011 15:55

no shit Sherlock Holmes

swearmonkey | 0

#3248389 - Tuesday 6 September 2011 23:12

Woo-hoo! Rise against!

By SocialAnarchyX5 | 0

#802633 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:22

That is awesome!

Trevv | 0

#902460 - Monday 1 March 2010 3:21

I have the video...

ranamile | 0

#3837010 - Friday 6 January 2012 2:01

I know!!!

By actorboy461 | 0

#802634 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

That sucks....
& apparently she does too =P

irsmeagol | 0

#802981 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:44

you mean munch? :D

Bertha5 | 0

#803031 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:08

aahhhaa! is she a lesboo?

acuraintegraman | 3

#2268428 - Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:44

obviously

By infiniti_G | 0

#802652 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:26

THREESOME ANYONE..?
YLIFA

RaKum12 | 0

#803955 - Thursday 28 January 2010 5:22

agree with #5

PedoPancakes | 7

#3911791 - Friday 20 January 2012 2:24

Hahaha :D your awesome #5

Sansational_ | 18

#6526658 - Tuesday 2 February 2016 16:08

Agreed #5

By ScaryyMary | 14

#802700 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:39

Yeah, but it's ok because the OP has gone further with a guy than his girlfriend will ever dream of.

BoostaRoosta | 0

#803883 - Thursday 28 January 2010 4:57

ohhhhh damn u gonna take that OP?????

quietlytearful | 0

#805369 - Thursday 28 January 2010 21:29

lol- gay gay gay
don't kill me! imma just joking!

By happyhak | 5

#802711 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:44

ha ha!

rowyourboat | 0

#802759 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:04

haha, what a fail. :L
YDI though for not making a move.

By Dopeyrox | 0

#802800 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:18

your gf is awesome

MrNewOrleans | 0

#1588251 - Saturday 23 October 2010 3:17

indeed she is....

By love2bu | 0

#802801 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:19

lol...that's sorta funny. it's awesome that you would write a fml like that!

By ccc01 | 1

#802820 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:23

Unless she has a strapon (which can be debated if that qualifies as Home base), she can only get to third. Go get a hooker and one-up her!

blinkingstarlet | 15

#3128785 - Wednesday 17 August 2011 23:11

this comment just makes you look super smart... asshole...

By Houndourpup | 0

#802897 - Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:02

No one cares she's your ex.