Intimacy: Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with...

By Patrick - 27/01/2010 11:55 - United States

Today, I realized that my ex-girlfriend has gone further with a girl than I have. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 417

You deserved it 5 251

Intimacy

Dysfunctional

Values

Thanks for the support

By ekaay - 16/01/2018 15:00

Today, whilst cleaning the living room, I heard snickering coming from my bedroom. My two nephews had found my "play cupboard" and were blowing up condoms like balloons. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 992

You deserved it 963

By dargas - 09/03/2010 21:08 - United States

Today, while preparing the house for company, I got a call that my sister had a heart attack and died. My wife's response? "Great! Now you're going to be no help to me at all!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 120

You deserved it 2 684

By lifedoessuck12 - 19/07/2009 14:13 - Philippines

Today, I had to wait outside Starbucks. While standing, I started day dreaming and didn't notice I had been staring at a table beside the window for a long time. Suddenly, someone went up to me and said "Try not to be so obvious". Sitting at the table was a girl with a huge cleavage. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 779

You deserved it 11 729

By sma93 - 17/12/2016 18:30 - United States - Baldwin

Today, after my work's Christmas party, everyone got so drunk that I had to help one of my only sober co-workers take everyone home and clean up vomit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 665

You deserved it 576

By Disappointed - 26/05/2016 20:27 - Canada - Niagara Falls

Today, I started dating my crush. Turns out she's a living nightmare. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 122

You deserved it 2 695

By Anonymous - 12/02/2021 23:01

Today, I was texting my boyfriend while in the car with my family. He sent a particularly racy text, and my little sister happened to look over at my phone and then asked quite loudly, "What does anal mean?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 530

You deserved it 999

By treehouse - 23/08/2017 13:00

Today, my family and I were going to start moving into our old house, and the large two hundred year old tree decided to move in too... through the roof. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 476

You deserved it 196

By Anonymous - 07/01/2015 01:26 - United States - Washington

Today, I spent an hour in a snowstorm waiting for my bus to show up. After I got fed up, I decided to just clean off my car and drive to work. After I was halfway finished swiping off the snow and ice stuck to my car, the bus drove right past me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 403

You deserved it 4 378

By confusedmofo - 29/07/2013 06:35 - Indonesia

Today, I went out and met somebody. We got talking and we both realized we are each the ideal romantic partner for the other. The only problem is we are both straight men. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 701

You deserved it 8 120

By JazzSpazz - 11/08/2009 06:40 - United States

Today, I had a horrible breakup with my girlfriend of two years. Depressed, I changed my Facebook status to, "Hate me today, hate me tomorrow, hate me for all the things I didn't do for you." My ex commented, "Give me an orgasm?" Five of my friends, including my mom, liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 847

You deserved it 24 024

By Snowzies - 06/01/2010 13:42 - United Kingdom

Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 926

You deserved it 2 294

By cbarebo - 11/10/2009 17:21 - United States

Today, I went in my room to play my guitar. I found my Les Paul on the floor with all the strings missing. I later found out my grandma cut them off because I was playing "Devil's Music." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 678

You deserved it 3 682

By Anonymous - 04/07/2015 08:55 - United States - Hood River

Today, one of my friends asked me to flirt with her boyfriend to see if he would flirt back. Knowing this was a trust test, I agreed. She got pissed at me when he flirted back and still isn't speaking to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 918

You deserved it 5 209

Ice cold break-up

By Ice cold - 22/11/2012 05:35 - Australia - Cheltenham

Today, my girlfriend decided to break the news that she wanted us to be "just friends." However, she did it not in just any old way - while ice-skating. I'm currently in hospital getting stitches in my arm after I tripped in shock and she ran me over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 330

You deserved it 1 748

By purplepixie23 - 22/09/2018 14:00

Today, it's -5°C outside and snowing and it's only September. If that wasn’t bad enough, we aren't allowed to have the heat on at work due to a menopausal monster who loses her shit and throws things if we turn it on. I can't feel my toes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 185

You deserved it 220

By slaughterteddy - 20/07/2016 23:23 - United States

Today, I spent two hours trying to catch a urine sample whilst at urgent care due to my inability to pee in public restrooms. I finally managed one, and was so excited by my success that I fumbled it and spilled it on my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 993

You deserved it 2 518

By twelfinity - 17/07/2011 16:00 - United States

Today, my husband decided that the best way to deal with me eating the last chocolate chip muffin was to give me the silent treatment. Normally, I'd just get over his childish behavior, but we're on a fifteen hour car trip back home with our one year old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 642

You deserved it 5 780

By Demotivation - 23/08/2013 14:12 - Germany

Today, I learned that when a heavily-pregnant friend asks about my progress with the baby socks I promised to knit, it's rather unwise to tell her, "Not to worry, we're set even if it comes out with a few feet too many." She's still crying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 920

You deserved it 12 613

By fecurtis - 22/01/2009 14:38 - United States

Today, I thought it'd be cool and trendy to buy a Blackberry Storm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 415

You deserved it 37 320

By hborkowski - 27/12/2012 04:03 - United States - Asheville

Today, I went to a urinal next to an elderly gentleman. As I was doing my business, he zips up and begins to leave. On his way out, he leans over my shoulder and whispers in my ear, "That's nice". FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 696

You deserved it 3 195

A rock and a hard place

By Anonymous - 10/11/2021 19:59

Today, despite being on the pill and always using condoms, I'm pregnant. I told my boyfriend I want to keep it, hoping he wanted to keep it too. He told me he hopes I enjoy being a single parent, because he absolutely does not want it, but knows I’ll never get an abortion. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 428

You deserved it 481

Take a number

By Anonymous - 09/09/2019 00:01

Today, the guy I've been flirting with for a week, and would be meeting in two days, sent me a message that he wouldn't be able to text me this evening because he'll be on a date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 446

You deserved it 255

Suspicious minds

By Hugh - 03/04/2021 13:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 955

You deserved it 114

By Noname - 17/02/2009 08:30 - Canada

Today, I told my boyfriend that I was afraid our future children would be fat and ugly. He reassured me, saying that he was sure our spawn would take on after him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 808

You deserved it 13 423

By Anonymous - 03/09/2014 23:13 - United States - Santa Ana

Today, I bought a new beanbag chair. My cat thought it was a great scratcher and I now have thousands of tiny plastic balls around the house. He decided those looked yummy, and now the scent of vomit and plastic is awful. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 359

You deserved it 5 632

By Rick - 22/05/2012 11:02 - United States - Spartanburg

Today, I didn't even bother to turn my cellphone off in a movie theater because I knew no one would text me or call. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 997

You deserved it 4 792

By thisbethed - 02/11/2015 22:26 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my boss made up a rumor that I was quitting my job so I wouldn't get the promotion that was coming up. There goes that raise I've been wanting for six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 878

You deserved it 1 523

By Anonymous - 07/10/2013 15:03 - United States - Houston

Today, my dad got me a GPS for my birthday. I appreciate the sentiment, but I don't have a permit or a car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 429

You deserved it 3 679

By AintEasyBeinWheezy - 28/04/2016 18:26 - United States

Today, while driving me to the hospital because I was having an asthma attack, my mother lit a cigarette. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 253

You deserved it 1 020

By brelni - 28/11/2010 17:17 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend came over to visit. Being nice, I let him walk down the stairs first, following after him. I still managed to reach the bottom before he did; after taking one step, I lost my footing and fell all the way down, scraping the skin off my arms and legs, and bruising my butt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 140

You deserved it 4 746

By Anonymous - 06/10/2011 04:23 - United States

Today, a customer handed me the ankle-length hosiery she had just used to try on some shoes, and as I sat there feeling the warm dampness of them in the palm of my hand, she said "You should throw those away, I have a toe fungus." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 942

You deserved it 2 925

By Anonymous - 09/06/2012 04:51 - United States - Hernando

Today, I was texting my girlfriend and asked her for a picture, expecting something provocative. She sent me a picture of her holding a positive pregnancy test. We had sex once. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 990

You deserved it 46 271

By notyourcleaner - 13/01/2015 11:06 - Malaysia - Puchong

Today, my new roommate puked into the sink and all over the bathroom floor, before passing out on her bed. Apparently, she was awake enough to wash her own face but not clean up her vomit. We share the bathroom. This is the second time already. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 037

You deserved it 2 671

By FishFlingingMonkey - 22/08/2015 03:55 - Canada - Saint John

Today, I was eating and my dog kept bothering me. She kept scratching my legs for food, so I took a large piece of fish from my plate and tossed it out into the hallway. It flew right into my mother's face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 211

You deserved it 8 053

These people never learn

By My mother-in-law is a Covidiot - 20/04/2021 20:00

Today, I'm at my mother-in-law's funeral, who died of Covid-19. Months before catching the virus, she would claim that, "the entire Covid thang is bullshit" and "people are just behaving like f****ts over a simple flu." FML

I agree, your life sucks 916

You deserved it 168

By The Cat Tickler - 13/09/2018 15:00

Today, I was talking to myself and got distracted when I was going to put chapstick on my lips. I took the cap off my deodorant and put it on my lips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 1 358

Kitchen Nightmare

By Pinsky - 30/07/2021 23:01 - United States - Chicago

Today, I walked in on my mom, my dad, Sarah, and Sarah's husband James making dinner in the kitchen. Completely naked. At 2 p.m. They weren't cooking anything to eat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 903

You deserved it 108

By Workplace woes - 12/05/2016 17:00 - United States - San Francisco

Today, my coworker showed me photos of her anal fissures. I'm not a doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 099

You deserved it 1 006

By bakingwomannnnnnnn - 20/11/2013 07:59 - United States - Redding

Today, I was cussed out by a customer who was unhappy, and he asked to speak with my manager. When I told him I owned the store, he said that that was the problem. Apparently women are "too flaky" to run a bakery properly. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 781

You deserved it 3 124

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 041

You deserved it 3 336

Add a comment - Reply to : #

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

actorboy461 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

That sucks.... & apparently she does too =P

mandlebrot 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:13

so did she give you pointers on how to do it right?

grungecat 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:20

ydi

aaronsko 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:22

ydi for not making a move on her..

YeahFMLxX 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 January 2010 4:00

Pics - if your hot..

hellokittywhore 0

Send a private message

Monday 26 July 2010 3:27

lol same with my current boy friend, untill I came along that is!! :D

leela11 0

Send a private message

Sunday 1 May 2011 15:55

no shit Sherlock Holmes

swearmonkey 0

Send a private message

Tuesday 6 September 2011 23:12

Woo-hoo! Rise against!

SocialAnarchyX5 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:22

That is awesome!

Trevv 0

Send a private message

Monday 1 March 2010 3:21

I have the video...

ranamile 0

Send a private message

Friday 6 January 2012 2:01

I know!!!

actorboy461 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:23

That sucks.... & apparently she does too =P

irsmeagol 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:44

you mean munch? :D

Bertha5 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 23:08

aahhhaa! is she a lesboo?

acuraintegraman 3

Send a private message

Wednesday 30 March 2011 21:44

obviously

infiniti_G 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:26

THREESOME ANYONE..? YLIFA

RaKum12 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 January 2010 5:22

agree with #5

PedoPancakes 7

Send a private message

Friday 20 January 2012 2:24

Hahaha :D your awesome #5

Sansational_ 18

Send a private message

Tuesday 2 February 2016 16:08

Agreed #5

ScaryyMary 14

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:39

Yeah, but it's ok because the OP has gone further with a guy than his girlfriend will ever dream of.

BoostaRoosta 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 January 2010 4:57

ohhhhh damn u gonna take that OP?????

quietlytearful 0

Send a private message

Thursday 28 January 2010 21:29

lol- gay gay gay don't kill me! imma just joking!

happyhak 5

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 20:44

ha ha!

rowyourboat 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:04

haha, what a fail. :L YDI though for not making a move.

Dopeyrox 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:18

your gf is awesome

MrNewOrleans 0

Send a private message

Saturday 23 October 2010 3:17

indeed she is....

love2bu 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:19

lol...that's sorta funny. it's awesome that you would write a fml like that!

ccc01 1

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 21:23

Unless she has a strapon (which can be debated if that qualifies as Home base), she can only get to third. Go get a hooker and one-up her!

blinkingstarlet 15

Send a private message

Wednesday 17 August 2011 23:11

this comment just makes you look super smart... asshole...

Houndourpup 0

Send a private message

Wednesday 27 January 2010 22:02

No one cares she's your ex.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4

You deserved it 5

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 274

You deserved it 740

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 681

You deserved it 887

Ice cold break-up

A rock and a hard place

Take a number

Suspicious minds

These people never learn

Kitchen Nightmare

Add a comment - Reply to : #

Top comments

Comments