Well?
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my girlfriend asked me, "Is it in yet?" FML
Today, while I was at my boyfriend's house, I got my period. About an hour after I told him, he impatiently said, "Is it over yet?" FML
Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. As soon as I began to climax, he started repeatedly asking, "Are you done? Are you done yet? Are you done?" Well, NOW I am. Thanks, honey. FML
Today, while I was having sex with my girlfriend, she suddenly said : "Are you going to be done any time soon?" FML
Today, I had sex with my boyfriend. In the middle of it, he started saying in deep voice, "Enter, exit." Over and over. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. After what seemed like an eternity of waiting, he finally entered me, then paused and asked me, "What do I do now?" FML
Today, I gave birth to my first child. The first thing my husband says? "When can I hit it again, doc?" FML
Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML
Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML
Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML
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Top comments
Mpsteve13 7
use your leg
Bandz_fml 3
I thought the 4 worst words were "I have a penis"
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Comments (487)
Scalabrine44 0
May I ask what the hell you did with that knife?
justalilrandom2 4
Because you have a wizard's sleeve?
TheDrifter 24
I believe doc used it to excise the coke bottle from his previous profile picture. He may have just claimed someones Darwin award to give to their next of kin though.
TheLetterZero 7
Don't forget the other 2% that is "People who comment on every FML, usually making up crap to be funny or so many puns that no humor is left." Also, reduce the "intelligent witticisms" to 3%.
seanders 10
3: I wasn't being an asshole I was just clarifying, then I got quite the echo from other users.
DocBastard 40
Scalabrine - no you may not.
DaveOnDope 4
HIPPA's a bitch Doc, ain't it?
jdengel 0
no, is it in yet, is the worst thing you could hear, other then, oh, I'm HIV positive.
AnagenisisZagus 13
Nope, I do believe the worst to be heard is "You have the herps". At least HIV can kill ya... that shit itches forever, man!
fucmylifealot 0
if you weren't wearing a condom, after you cum, ask "was i supposed to pull out?" see how that goes
SHARIFFO 15
Lmao!
nonameheroes 0
dont bone loose ******...so ydi for trying to get an easy lay
taternuts 0
congradulations. your four most dreaded words should be "i'm pregnant. it's yours"
Bekll 31
That's actually six words.
OCDC 9
I hope that was a lame attempt at humor, and you weren't being serious...
hippychiccx 0
"I am pregnant; it is yours." Looks like six, good effort though. :)
OCDC 9
Except for the fact they didn't spell out "I am" and "it is"...
fatima_hammad 0
so did you stop or continue you job ???
sgtrobswifey 0
FYL for hiring a loose ass hooker for your first time! LOL
justalilrandom2 4
35, if it was in the wrong hole I doubt he would be asked "is it in?" I'm fairly sure she would know if it was taking the old Hershey highway.
CardMaster1992 0
it's proven that 70% of statistics are made up on the spot. 5% of which include impossible analysis (the 105% you've added up). I should know, I'm only 30% positive this isn't even accurate.
daybowbow 0
This again? Yawn.
crispie4 0
that's 105% just saying
Idk_what2say 0
I'll let the 105% slide because you tried so hard to cover for your friend. Your loyalty is admirable.
sarapsosis 1
as much as I'd hate to agree with them Sir Bastard and Queen Evil are making a valid point, they make FML interesting, along with that psycho boners... it would be kinda dull without these royal freaks of nature
jorrrk 0
thats because ya a loose ho bag
trevor12345678 0
well somebody has a "fun-sized" penis.
ieatcats 0
haha pencil dick way to fail