Intimacy: Well?

Well?

By Johntheladdo - 29/03/2011 17:26 - United Kingdom

Today, I heard the four most dreaded words known to man during my first time: "Is it in yet?" It was. FML

agreeclassic 76 419

vote type 1 10 537

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By anun - 14/01/2014 14:06 - Australia

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Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

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Superfuzz Big Muff

By miiiiilk - 05/12/2010 11:12 - United States

Today, as my boyfriend was about to go down on me, he held his breath and said, "I'm going in!" FML

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By glittercat - 26/01/2009 23:44 - United States

Today, I heard my mom moan in the other room. FML

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Mpsteve13 7

Tuesday 29 March 2011 22:04

use your leg

Bandz_fml 3

Tuesday 29 March 2011 22:06

I thought the 4 worst words were "I have a penis"

Comments

rizzosierra 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:01

damn. well evidently the bitch was too loose to have sex with anyhow. your fault babe.

NickyMikaelV97 5

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:05

haha bitch! :p r u 4.5?

charlottemariee 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:05

ouch!

fadingsparks 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:10

She's probably just loose. I wouldn't worry too much. :)

xiar 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:13

no one deserves that.....

xiar 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:13

no one deserves that.....

Jonny26 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:17

His friends call him dickydoo, cuz his belly sticks out more than his dicky doo

PeteElMalo 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:21

given your size, I believe it will be No F your life, sorry

Phanks7 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:25

Well, the good news is that you shouldn't have any trouble convincing her to do anal. Remember, the cup is always half-full. =)

beckman2690 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 10:12

haha very positive thinking :)

benny92 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:39

hahaha u got a teeny weeny

loveyoux3333 0

Wednesday 30 March 2011 0:53

haha or just a big pussy.. :)

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Keywords

Miscellaneous Stalker My ex Coworkers Love Internet Relatable AITA Pokémon Awkward Work Parenting Kids Annoying Shopping Underwear Jealousy Parents Thief Sex Intimacy Suspicious Family NSFW Birthday Gifts I need your advice Accident Abuse Moving home

Top

Today, I learned that when someone says "I know what you did" it's better not to confess right away, because sometimes they could be talking about leaving the computer on all night, and not talking about giving the family dog away and telling everyone it ran away. FML

agreeclassic 7 129

vote type 1 52 170

Today, a guy I went on one date with asked me out again via text. Being honest, I texted back, politely saying that he was a good guy but I wasn't really interested. He came over to my house, screaming about how awful I was for "text message breaking up with him" and then cracked my windshield. FML

agreeclassic 41 477

vote type 1 4 691

Today, my girlfriend asked what my sexual fantasy was, and I said Catwoman. She got disgusted at me, because according to her, Catwoman is 15 years-old or something. Turns out she has only seen Gotham, featuring Catgirl as a teenager, and not the grown-up Halle Berry version I was talking about. FML

agreeclassic 1 696

vote type 1 238

Today, while trying on bras in the changing room, I wanted to see what my friend's bra looked like on her. Not wishing to leave my changing room in my underwear, I wriggled under her door. When I got through, my bra had come nearly all the way down and when I tried getting back, I got stuck. FML

agreeclassic 7 453

vote type 1 45 831

Today, I asked my 4-year-old daughter where her father went. She said, "Out to have fun with Zoe." Acting on suspicion, I followed him and did a stakeout. Hours later, I barged in and caught him playing Dungeons and Dragons. "Zoe" is the female wizard he plays as. FML

agreeclassic 1 919

vote type 1 4 571

Today, my family is too damn close. My uncle on my dad's side just got my aunt on my mum's side pregnant, three cousins from dad's side are dating three cousins from mum's side, and a half brother from my dad is marrying my half sister from my mum. We are the inbred rednecks of this town. FML

agreeclassic 3 544

vote type 1 367