Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML
Collection
Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML
Today, a female friend, who I'm mildly into, was crying into my arms about how tough things have been for her. I'm so touch-starved that I got a boner as I hugged her. She noticed. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
I see you fapping to cartoon **** in the future!
perdix 31
You may be past the point of ever getting laid. . . for free. You'd be surprised what enough cash could do. I'd bet that for a big enough stack of loonies, you can find a blue-haired ***** who will scream and moan like Marge Simpson for the 30 seconds you last inside her. Just show her the D'oh!
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Comments (172)
KiddNYC1O 22
Marge is pretty hot. Have you been introduced to Lois Griffin?
waswashere 0
Or the wife from American dad?
KiddNYC1O 22
I wouldn't mess with her. She's connected to the CIA.
jsprackman 11
Hentai addiction op
Snow_Daisy 7
Different strokes for different folks. *raises eyebrow*
1JDub 6
Soooo....Im guessing Rosie has a firm grip on ya there lil buddy...FYL
sucks2BEyouu 0
I doubt it... I havent gotten laid in 19 years >:/ me and you should meet up, and get this little shin-dig out if the way ;)
silentbutfunny 0
Sucks2beyouu, sucks to be you?
CryMoreFMLs 15
Tsk tsk, prostituting yourself on FML. Shame on you.
NightHawK170 0
We should get together then(;
Mitch_Connor 11
Pussy's a luxury, same as a having a college degree or a car.
silentbutfunny 0
Idk, i dont think its concidered a luxury if 49% of people have it
aceman1992 9
So your saying all I have to do is shell out large amounts of money and you get pussy?
mama2b3 20
Almost as pathetic? I'd say more pathetic. At least the Simpsons are kind of people. But birds..?
xoxomariahkxoxo 6
What's next. Dogs licking eachothers holes!? :P
silentbutfunny 0
I dont think it matters, if he's getting a boner from cartoons in the first place...
gabbykinz13 9
I saw Rio on my first date with my boyfriend!!! Aaahhh memories :)
bryanorange 3
Virtual slap? Wow thats paphetic dude
Llamacod 11
That's not true, you can always get a prostitute. But getting laid without paying for it, yea give up on that.
Llamacod 11
Sorry perdix, I didn't see your comment as I didn't want to get distracted from my comment by reading other comments so I just commented chechen started reading. I hope you'll forgive me this once
thatKidzmOm 10
What's chechen?
Monkeybuttcream 4
OP, One word for you " Smurfette" - Did you just have a misfire in your pants?
laden_swallow09 35
Smurfs don't have nipples… not arousing.
Monkeybuttcream 4
And how many smurfs have you ****** lately? Inverted nipples are still nipples....Ass.