Today, while watching Rio, I got a boner when Blu and Jewel kissed. This is almost as pathetic as getting a boner a few days ago while watching Homer and Marge kiss on The Simpsons. I think I'm way past the point of ever getting laid. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I'm so sleep-deprived, I got a boner from just thinking about falling asleep. FML
Today, it’s been so long since I've had sex, I dream about it every night and I can barely function mentally unless I masturbate frequently, otherwise I get random boners throughout the day that won’t go away, no matter how much I try to think about something else. FML
Today, a female friend, who I'm mildly into, was crying into my arms about how tough things have been for her. I'm so touch-starved that I got a boner as I hugged her. She noticed. FML
Today, I'm so sexually deprived, I got a boner from undressing a mannequin at work. FML
Today, I woke up with a huge boner. My girlfriend saw it, rolled her eyes and said, "Not a chance." FML
Today, I randomly got a boner while modeling a character's butt in animation class. FML
Today, I realized that I'm so depressed that I can't even watch porn without getting upset about how I can't get laid. FML
Today, my boyfriend got a raging boner while looking around at a gun store. He hasn't had any sexual interest in me in months. FML
Today, I'm so deprived of intimacy that I got a raging boner when a waitress called me "hun". FML
Today, I was getting intimate with my girlfriend. It was going well until she started talking dirty, saying stuff like, "You like my tushy, baby?" "I want to fellate you so bad," and "You'll need some ice after this one." My boner practically retracted into my body. FML
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Top comments
iFizzgig 11
I see you fapping to cartoon **** in the future!
perdix 31
You may be past the point of ever getting laid. . . for free. You'd be surprised what enough cash could do. I'd bet that for a big enough stack of loonies, you can find a blue-haired ***** who will scream and moan like Marge Simpson for the 30 seconds you last inside her. Just show her the D'oh!
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Comments (172)
FUCKNAMESBREH 0
Cartoon stuff is cool, and i still hit it. Don't give up hope.
whatwhyhoo 10
It's natural depending on the age of the OP.
GingerNinja 18
I would gesture the guess that you're also turned on by smurfette. Just seems to be a blue pattern going on there, which I'll bet matches your balls.
mrmerino 0
My turn: the only reason I actually went to see that movie in the first place was that Jewel was really hot. Not Linda, although I discovered she rocked too, but the friggin' parrot.
dansco 25
Hope you don't watch this kind of tv when kids are around, might be a bit troubling for you lol. Get a hooker or someone really drunk!
Choonie 1
Get out into the real world
el_cursi 0
If you have given up on sex. Remember than that the Internet is filled with ****. Even some that includes your favorite *cough* umm yellow blue haired characters. Not just mere cartoons.
RrLSf19 0
Hey OP, at least your Canadian!
darthdamian2 4
I got laid Friday
blinksmilewink 23
You're ******* weird...