Today, during lunch break at work, the bitter departmental rivalry... - FML

By jfc519 - 12/8/2012 16:23 - United Kingdom - Leicester

Today, during lunch break at work, the bitter departmental rivalry blew out of control, when one of the glorified thugs from HR started a fistfight with my shift supervisor. I rushed in to break it up, but only succeeded in getting sucker-punched into next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

20953

You deserved it

3428

Tweet

Share

jfc519 Say more :

Software development company. Not gonna put the name out there though, cause I like having a job. I got into this job expecting peace and quiet all day, but I quickly found out the bosses don't give a shit, and people can get away with anything but murder if they kiss enough arse afterward. You could pop round to HR to complain about pretty much anything, and they'd still tell you to get fucked. Sometimes I wonder if they even do anything beside play tetris all day. :|

DINOSAURS!!

Nice neighborhood

Vultures

By Anonymous - 13/7/2020 23:04

I need some me time

Today, my fiancée decided to go on a 3-hour trip because she needed a break from the baby and me. I forgot to mention who she went with: her ex. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1800

You deserved it

121

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 1/3/2013 07:02 - United States - San Jose

Today, after working out at the gym, I went to grab my bag, and realized that my phone was missing. Panicking, I reached into my pocket, pulled out my phone, and dialed my mom's number to tell her I'd lost it. It took me until the last ring to realize what I was doing. FML

I agree, your life sucks

12918

You deserved it

41282

Tweet

Share

By SpanishInFrenchClass - 6/12/2012 05:35 - United States

Today, I had a presentation in French class. I was so nervous, the first thing I said when I got up there was, "Hola." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29670

You deserved it

5396

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 8/12/2015 16:46 - United States - Lehigh Acres

Today, I found out my husband pretends to be a young, bisexual woman online. As if that isn't bad enough, he flipped out and didn't believe me when I told him the other "young, bisexual women" he's been beating it to are probably middle-aged men too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22212

You deserved it

1665

Tweet

Share

By seriouslylife? - 26/9/2018 03:00

Today, I was shopping at a store that hires disabled people as baggers. This is totally awesome and I love the practice, but this autistic bagger yelled out the name of every product he bagged, including "TAMPONS!" and "CONDOMS!" One of my middle school students was in the next checkout line videoing it. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3475

You deserved it

338

Tweet

Share

By Sensitive!!! - 24/8/2020 21:56 - Australia - Brisbane

A teaching moment

Today, my husband is so bad at foreplay that when he remembers to try and turn me on, he digs around really hard like he's scratching a bug bite. Last time, his nail sliced my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1863

You deserved it

228

Tweet

Share

By ninalian - 22/5/2011 06:30 - United States

Today, I was talking to this boy I really like and we were laughing together, until I got this disgusting putrid smell. I started to say how awful the smell was and he stopped laughing to take a sniff too. As soon as he closed his mouth the smell was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47051

You deserved it

4456

Tweet

Share

By orangechicken - 16/4/2012 22:00 - United States - New Hudson

Today, I found out that my daughter has been watching Supernatural and The X-Files so she'll fit in better at school. I'm not even angry that she's suddenly a brain-dead conformist, it's just that she now has nightmares all the time and insists on sleeping in my bed. She's a kicker. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24754

You deserved it

5843

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/4/2014 01:40 - Canada

Today, it was my birthday. I only got one message, from my dad, which was a sexual image meant for my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks

47798

You deserved it

3430

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 18/8/2015 21:08 - United States - Woodridge

Today, a woman at the retirement home I work at told me she was new and asked me a few questions. I asked her when she moved in. She was a new coworker, not a new resident. FML

I agree, your life sucks

15659

You deserved it

12866

Tweet

Share

By faith - 16/6/2020 23:00

Goodbye Bill

Today, I went to a restaurant to order food with just a $100 bill. They no longer had what I came for, so I left. When I got to my car, I realized - no bill. I went back in for them to say they hadn't seen it, and they wouldn’t check the cameras. I know the lady working there picked it up since I was the only customer. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1626

You deserved it

540

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/6/2012 12:55 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my brother, the plumber, was called to unblock a toilet. Whenever this occurs, he takes a photo of it and sends it to me. It always seems to happen around meal time. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24863

You deserved it

2314

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 16/5/2015 01:17 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I caught my ex trying to slash my car tires with a knife. She actually had the balls to claim she was testing my tire pressure, before power-walking off into the distance like nothing had happened. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30896

You deserved it

2719

Tweet

Share

By ApparentlyaPotato - 10/2/2016 05:08 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18449

You deserved it

2187

Tweet

Share

By BobbyMalone - 17/1/2009 14:11 - Canada

Today, my mother asked a woman at the clothing store we go to all the time when her baby was due. Turns out the woman isn't pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19998

You deserved it

5224

Tweet

Share

By Ewt - 6/12/2019 05:00 - Canada - Victoria

Not a joke!

Today, I found out that my best friend does not wash her hands after going to the bathroom, even if she changes her pad. I then remembered all the times she handed food to me, and teased me when I tried to wash my hands first. FML

I agree, your life sucks

2200

You deserved it

176

Tweet

Share

By notsoonenufdeparted - 2/10/2010 05:07 - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

I agree, your life sucks

46160

You deserved it

4780

Tweet

Share

By cfails - 2/4/2020 14:00

Our house, in the middle of our lockdown!

Today, I found out the house I want to buy is being re-listed, because I can't have an open house to get people to see and buy my current house, because no one can go out in the this fucking quarantine. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1594

You deserved it

173

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 12/6/2015 05:35 - Australia - Rydalmere

Today, I was studying for a big test I have next Tuesday in my room. I heard a creak in my ceiling but assumed it was nothing as my house is old. Thirty seconds later something fell from my air vent directly onto my head. It was a giant cockroach. FML

I agree, your life sucks

28461

You deserved it

2123

Tweet

Share

By FUSheldon - 28/11/2012 05:15 - United States - Millstadt

Today, my boyfriend started watching The Big Bang Theory on DVD. Now he won't stop saying "Bazinga" every time he says or hears something that sounds funny. It's so annoying I want to feed him to the neighbor's dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks

23750

You deserved it

4856

Tweet

Share

By lakb - 13/12/2010 15:27

Today, I missed work because I was at the hospital getting treated for accidentally inhaling chlorine gas. I didn't realize that using Comet Industrial Strength Cleanser to scrub out a cat litter pan could be so hazardous. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11503

You deserved it

25830

Tweet

Share

By Melissa - 8/3/2020 14:00

Badmouth Strikes Again

Today, my 7-year-old sister had to tell my mom to watch her language. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1270

You deserved it

132

Tweet

Share

By catwithwatermelononhead - 21/1/2018 19:00

The gift that keeps not arriving...

Today, the $800, large capacity, professional carpet steam cleaner my husband supposedly bought me for Christmas got "lost in the mail". So did the refund. FML

I agree, your life sucks

4093

You deserved it

283

Tweet

Share

By asdf - 20/6/2009 17:09 - United States

Today, was my high school's senior awards ceremony. Over 400 people were crammed in the hot auditorium. I won five awards and each time I was called up the laughter grew louder. Apparently even the back row could see my pit stains. FML

I agree, your life sucks

46507

You deserved it

5332

Tweet

Share

By - 17/11/2019 18:00

I will always be in her thought

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me after being "pressured" into a relationship with another guy. But it's okay, she said she would think of me every time she made love to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3013

You deserved it

193

Tweet

Share

By Timv86 - 16/2/2010 08:18 - Australia

Today, I went to the shops with my little sister. We had to walk through the lingerie section of the store to get to another part. My sister then yells at the top of her voice 'stop following me you freak'. I had security escort me out of the store, and got many dirty looks. She thought it was hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks

32798

You deserved it

3062

Tweet

Share

By fishtities - 7/4/2016 04:56 - United States - Dallas

Today, as a reward for starting to eating healthy, I got the squits at work. After going to the restroom, my stall didn't have toilet paper, the other two stalls didn't have any either. My boss definitely noticed too when he walked in on me with my pants around my ankles. FML

I agree, your life sucks

17602

You deserved it

1714

Tweet

Share

By LoveDrug - 17/2/2010 10:49 - Ireland

Today, the only guy showing slightly any interest in me is a Nazi-obsessed psychopath. He uses lovely pick-up lines such as, "Hey, do you know how much it hurts to staple your hand?" FML

I agree, your life sucks

30645

You deserved it

2821

Tweet

Share

By notready - 15/10/2013 06:49 - Australia

Today, I proposed to my girlfriend at a dinner with our two families. Not only did she flatly reject me, my dad said, "Good call. He's not ready." FML

I agree, your life sucks

51842

You deserved it

6751

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 15/12/2012 08:52 - United States - Lakewood

Today, my brother paid the DJ $300 to ruin my wedding by playing the Imperial Death March as I walked down the aisle. FML

I agree, your life sucks

51915

You deserved it

7186

Tweet

Share

By samba_spaz - 19/9/2019 06:01 - United States - Los Angeles

Groove is in the Heart

Today, I was at my usual drum circle. This guy I'd never seen before showed up and started playing an unfamiliar beat. Thinking he was new, I tried to teach him what to play. Turns out he was a professional drummer and was playing an advanced version of the groove I was trying to teach him. FML

I agree, your life sucks

637

You deserved it

1929

Tweet

Share

By JTo - 3/3/2012 22:07 - United States

Today, I broke up with my boyfriend because I found an email he had written to an ex-fling telling her he was single and wanted to meet up. He wrote that email from my computer, in my apartment, on Valentine's Day. FML

I agree, your life sucks

79792

You deserved it

3752

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 30/5/2009 11:39 - Canada

Today, I won $200 a contest at a bar. The manager took me to a vault where money collected from the strippers go into a pool. He told me that at least half of the bills were slid through a strippers butt crack so I was to "choose wisely". FML

I agree, your life sucks

47507

You deserved it

8990

Tweet

Share

By WWJD - 1/3/2017 12:00 - United States

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend and I lustfully requested we try doggy style this time. He responded, "No, Jesus wouldn't like that." FML

I agree, your life sucks

10105

You deserved it

1553

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 25/6/2009 06:00 - United States

Today, I went to the movies. After it was over I got up and noticed a designer purse sitting on the ground in the back row. I opened it to look for anything that could give me a address so I could return it. The owner came back, assumed I was robbing her, and punched me in the nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks

44676

You deserved it

6349

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 7/9/2012 05:08 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, I had to go into the school for the third time this week because my son is claiming he's on bath salts and biting all his classmates. My son is 16. FML

I agree, your life sucks

27617

You deserved it

3303

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 21/1/2016 13:00 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I'm so lazy, I dread getting up early on days that haven't arrived yet. For stuff I actually like doing, too. FML

I agree, your life sucks

18161

You deserved it

5163

Tweet

Share

By Tomtom - 17/11/2008 05:04 - France

Today, I put on the same jeans that I had left in a bundle in my bedroom the day before. A few hours later, my boxer shorts decided to make their spectacular reappearance trick at the bottom of my leg in the middle of one of my meetings. FML

I agree, your life sucks

24012

You deserved it

11525

Tweet

Share

By littlefella - 4/2/2017 22:00 - United States - Novato

Today, I was taking a piss when a old lady somehow managed to wander in. She blushed, chuckled and apologized, "Sorry, little fella!" before leaving. I don't know what size she was commenting on. FML

I agree, your life sucks

7070

You deserved it

811

Tweet

Share

By Anonymous - 6/7/2009 01:49 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriend to Taco Bell since it's her favorite place to eat. I thought it'd be cute to get one of the sauce packets that says "Will you marry me?" on it and give it to her all cute-like. She thought it was adorable. While we were leaving, she threw it out. FML

I agree, your life sucks

35905

You deserved it

25675

Tweet

Share

Add a comment

You must be logged in to be able to post comments!

Create my account Sign in

Top comments

By DocBastard | 38

#4805640 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:55

Punched into next week? So you get a free week of pay!

Make sure your supervisor signs off your punch card.

By jetsown08 | 21

#4805699 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:04

Hey, while you're in next week, do you mind getting me the winning lotto numbers? I know a Nigerian prince that can help me wire some of the winnings to you account in exchange for your credit card info.

COMMENTS

By jewwybeanzzz | 10

#4805636 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:54

Oh... Ouch.. I hope you're okay OP

Reply

saintsrocksocks | 10

#4805676 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:00

Are you kidding me? That's awesome for OP! He/She is first to complete time travel!

Reply

Futacy | 29

#4805717 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:08

OP, if this happens again (and this info may even save your life one day) call 9-9-9! Don't try to play vigilante, cause you gonna get yo ass kicked!

Reply

fukmefreddy | 4

#4805750 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:17

it's only been a few hours, maybe you should get that concussion checked out.

Reply

bertman21 | 5

#4805861 - Sunday 12 August 2012 20:02

Am I the only one here that wants to be a part of a department rivalry?

Reply

MelTheGreat | 23

#4805918 - Sunday 12 August 2012 20:25

This comment is so beyond overused.

Reply

AlexDeBrazil | 1

#4806010 - Sunday 12 August 2012 21:02

Maybe you can try again next week 

Reply

ApologyKick | 25

#4806152 - Sunday 12 August 2012 22:13

35- I'm with you. Not because I love to get in fights, but because my work is so goddamn boring.

Reply

l23VIVE | 17

#4806579 - Monday 13 August 2012 5:10

Like that foreign guy who always 1-ups my jokes... Bastard

By DocBastard | 38

#4805640 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:55

Punched into next week? So you get a free week of pay!

Make sure your supervisor signs off your punch card.

Reply

yahoowizard | 16

#4805680 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:01

Plus you're next up for promotion!

Reply

reallytho3 | 11

#4805744 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:16

This comment is the epitome of looking on the bright side lol

Reply

mario2012 | 18

#4805746 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:16

When I saw this FML I was going to a sick leave joke but then I saw you beat me to it. Oh well.

Reply

Feklfekl2222 | 32

#4805903 - Sunday 12 August 2012 20:18

I bet they're a bit cheesed off. (apologies for the terrible pun)

Reply

namyo | 13

#4805985 - Sunday 12 August 2012 20:52

Your joke needed a better punch line

Reply

l23VIVE | 17

#4806594 - Monday 13 August 2012 5:13

Wait if OP was punched into next week, then that means he posted this FML from the future! OP, will anything cool or tragic happen in the coming week?

By cyborgmexican | 6

#4805648 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:55

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

acidkitten | 14

#4805695 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:02

and that would have helped because...?

Reply

Ch0sen | 13

#4805836 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:51

He did get involved, and paid the price of getting his guts blasted to hell.

Reply

pokefan813 | 16

#4806038 - Sunday 12 August 2012 21:16

Then he would've been sucker punched into next month...

Reply

Futacy | 29

#4806061 - Sunday 12 August 2012 21:27

3- Dude, you got thumbed down quick.

By redhedsaysrawr | 18

#4805652 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:56

That sucks Op, but I would have never ran in there to break it up... I hope youre ok though.

Reply

SoMuchSnailGame | 3

#4806548 - Monday 13 August 2012 4:55

I just realized how hard it would be to prove you time traveled a week into the future

By ImBrent | 8

#4805654 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:56

I give you props for trying. FYL though. At least you got to skip a week of work :P

By Purrpurrpurr | 7

#4805659 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:56

So now that we've figured out how all that time travel business works...

Reply

bluekid7 | 5

#4806131 - Sunday 12 August 2012 22:02

OP is posting from the future!!!

Reply

BunchieRules | 31

#4806238 - Sunday 12 August 2012 23:56

61 - Or the past, at the rate FMLs get moderated...

By Rodders_SOTC | 1

#4805660 - Sunday 12 August 2012 18:57

A HR department tells me this a fairly reputable company, so I would say this is a win. You will get compensation.

Reply

dcg1375 | 7

#4806526 - Monday 13 August 2012 4:38

That's what lawyers are for...

By Erniedoee | 2

#4805682 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:01

The guy that tries to break it up, always ends up being punched .

Reply

JOcoco | 14

#4805850 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:57

I've tried breaking up a fight before and didn't get punched. Wait you said guys. I'm exempt from this rule.

By jetsown08 | 21

#4805699 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:04

Hey, while you're in next week, do you mind getting me the winning lotto numbers? I know a Nigerian prince that can help me wire some of the winnings to you account in exchange for your credit card info.

By cicpjaky | 6

#4805711 - Sunday 12 August 2012 19:08

It would have been on like Donkey Kong!!!!