Miscellaneous: Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you...

By sober - 12/02/2009 02:09 - United States

Today, I got a text message. It said, "I'm so drunk. What you up to, girl?" It was my dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79 392

You deserved it 4 328

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Same thing different taste

It's better than nothing, I suppose

By thatonekid - 06/05/2009 22:04 - United States

Today, my dad texted me, "I love u." I replied, "I love you too dad... are you drunk?" He answers back, "Of course I am..." My dad only tells me he loves me when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 027

You deserved it 5 191

By paige - 01/04/2011 03:18 - United States

Today, my dad came home drunk and called me hot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 728

You deserved it 5 789

By Illinoisgirl - 14/02/2012 14:29 - Hungary

Today, my dad got so drunk that he proposed to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 242

You deserved it 3 050

Nice view

By Sexting Parents - 16/11/2012 02:45 - United States - Short Hills

Today, my dad asked me to send my mom a text since he was driving and I was in the passenger seat. I pulled up my mom's contact on his phone, and I found that my mom had recently sent my dad a picture of her jugs, along with the message, "We miss you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 862

You deserved it 2 751

He's still got it

By Anonymous - 26/10/2019 00:01

Today, my dad got drunk at a party and flashed me and my friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 706

You deserved it 151

Let down

By MoxyR12 - 24/06/2009 15:33 - United States

Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 818

You deserved it 5 728

By Anonymous - 15/05/2015 23:55 - United States

Today, I came home to find my dad drinking. Trying to be cheerful, I greeted him with a "Hi, dad!" He sighed, shook his head, and said "It hurts me when you call me that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 747

You deserved it 2 382

Supportive

By arch maester shavayalsharashion - 26/07/2015 17:29 - United Kingdom - Surbiton

Today, I was pouring my heart out to my dad about how I'm such a loser and how I have no friends. He listened sympathetically, until his phone buzzed with a text message. He said, "Balls, the guys from work wanna get shitfaced!" and took a rain check on me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 815

You deserved it 2 935

Drunk MC

By Anonymous - 11/03/2013 14:03 - Sweden - Sundbyberg

Today, my dad has been hitting the bottle, and will only respond to anything I say in a slurred rap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 499

You deserved it 3 033

By Username - 17/08/2011 23:37 - United States

Today, I drunk texted a guy I like. We'd met at an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 683

You deserved it 41 819

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

Comments

blah_blah_shity 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 5:24

EW that sucks. awkward. LOL

BethiiGeex 0

Saturday 19 June 2010 12:20

Best fml ever XD

kk_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 6:17

that is hilarious

ihml44 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 7:32

hahah funny, but if that ever happened to me i'd probably never go home again hahh

yay_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 7:52

Bahahahahahahaha this is something my dad would do.

Lil_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 12:19

HAHA. That is funny! And the fact that he said "What you up to girl" just makes it worse.

INDYSTRUCTABLE 43

Monday 21 April 2014 21:17

hilarious indeed, unless he was attempting to flirt. then its creepy & awkward

greenman_fml 0

Thursday 12 February 2009 16:02

you should have responded: "n2m just bangin some random dude. pce"

hellzyeah88 0

Friday 13 February 2009 5:01

lol...my mom drunk texts me all the time.... : )

XxLorniklexX 0

Tuesday 17 February 2009 1:13

This is why parents shouldn't text.

pommeblossom 0

Saturday 21 February 2009 5:45

AHHAHA :D

annieis 0

Sunday 22 February 2009 22:50

hahaha im at work and laughing outloud

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The Top

Today, I was at the gym on the elliptical. Feeling proud of myself for finishing a very intense workout, I looked to my left to see that the maintenance guy fixing the machine next to me had burned more calories testing the machine than I did during my entire workout. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 578

You deserved it 5 576

Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 311

You deserved it 157

The Top

Today, I was so tired that I thought the item I'd ordered a few months ago had been delivered then stolen, so I emailed the company about it. When I checked back on the website, I realized it hadn't actually been delivered yet and I read the invoice wrong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 572

You deserved it 493

Today, I got unbelievably drunk and pissed in the corner of my room, all over a plug socket, which blew out the electrics. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 249

You deserved it 43 674

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 730

You deserved it 7 348

Today, my dad set the smoke alarm off at 6 a.m. as a "practice drill." I was woken up so suddenly, I fell out of bed into the bucket of sick I had been throwing up into the night before due to flu. Dad yelled at me for not getting out of the house in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 670

You deserved it 163

Today, I embarrassed myself and my husband at the wedding of one of his rich cousins by trying caviar for the first time, finding it unbearably disgusting, choking, spitting it out all over the table, and downing three glasses of water to stop myself coughing. Now they think I’m common as muck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 907

Today, my biology teacher subscribed to my OnlyFans. This wouldn’t be weird if the last time I saw or spoke to him wasn't my freshman year of high school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 629

You deserved it 1 917