Love: Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks... - FML

By TheOtherWoman - 20/07/2009 07:10 - United States

Today, the guy I've been sleeping with for the last three weeks got really drunk. I drove him home from the party and took care of him. At 2am he asked for the phone. When I asked what for, he said he wanted to drunk dial his girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 926

You deserved it 12 762

There's no helping some people

Another great day to be alive

Classic cat

People are people

By Astounding competence - 03/11/2020 23:01 - Netherlands - Utrecht

Today, my country is going back into a full national lockdown after the government swore they wouldn't do another one. We desperately need to stop the spread, but with so many U-turns and broken rules from the government, no one is going to listen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 164

By moose - 14/11/2016 19:17 - Germany - W?rzburg

Today, I bought myself a new perfume. Now, there's a sulky husband lying next to me in bed who can't get it up because I smell like his mum. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 141

You deserved it 2 853

Face value

By fuckface moron - 20/06/2020 02:17

Today, it was was my first day back at work as an esthetician. My first client refused to remove her face mask so I could perform the service. She demanded I just do her forehead, and that she’d only pay a third of the price since she’s only getting that part done. I refused and was written up by management. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 523

You deserved it 250

By HungryStudent - 20/08/2014 18:59 - Puerto Rico - Carolina

Today, my 24-year-old, unemployed brother stole all of my food money and went out with his friends. His punishment from our parents? He has to pay me back when he gets a job. My stomach has to wait. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 933

You deserved it 3 219

By LowOnGas - 02/05/2019 18:00

Today, I drove my toddler to a schoolmate’s birthday party at a chuck-e-Cheese an hour drive away, only to find out the party is tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 592

You deserved it 1 025

By Anonymous - 11/09/2009 18:27 - United States

Today, My girlfriend and I were watching tv when suddenly one of our phones start going off. We both have the same phone and they were next to each other. She picks up the phone and reads the text message, "I wish you were here! I'd fuck you silly" She gets pissed and runs out. It was her phone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 638

You deserved it 3 593

By facepalm - 05/02/2013 03:30 - United States - Sayreville

Today, working as a nurse, I saw a patient in for follow-up after a partial leg amputation. I checked her blood pressure and gave her the reading, which prompted her husband to ask what it meant. She replied, "I'm alive." Before I could stop myself, "And kicking" spilled out of my mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 248

You deserved it 9 445

By numbnuts - 23/09/2013 05:48 - Canada - Nanaimo

Today, my 2-year-old daughter overheard my wife and I arguing and fixated on one particular insult my wife threw at me. Now my daughter won't stop saying "Daddy a numbnuts", always with a big smile on her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 431

You deserved it 6 028

Money hole

By Anonymous - 15/07/2020 17:00

Today, my uncle kept his promise and left me his holiday house in his will. What he didn’t tell me was it’s been unmaintained for 14 years and is unfit for human habitation, has 2 mortgages, and now it and all its issues are now mine. Old, dead bastard. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 682

You deserved it 308

By Pakundo - 17/01/2009 11:31 - France

Today, I went to an underwear shop, and an employee recommended me a push-up bra. I was wearing one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 009

You deserved it 2 556

By Username - 06/02/2011 00:10 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized I get more pleasure from a tampon than my boyfriend I have been having sex with for the past six months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 888

You deserved it 7 211

By OfficeSlave - 25/08/2011 21:55 - United States

Today, I found out that my company is paying more for hors d'oeuvres at one party than I will receive for my entire year long internship. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 905

You deserved it 3 413

Great guy

By Anonymous - 10/06/2020 23:10

Today, my husband has been super happy for the last 11 weeks, as he's been able to tell me what to do, when to do it and how to do it. Now I'm allowed to start work again, he's gone back to being super shitty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 738

You deserved it 336

By whatjusthappened - 21/07/2014 15:58 - United States - Norman

Today, I tried to break up with my boyfriend, because he's too manipulative. By the time our chat ended, instead of being single, I'm somehow now committed to going on vacation with him and his family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 764

You deserved it 16 016

By ApparentlyaPotato - 10/02/2016 05:08 - United States - Coeur D Alene

Today, I was called a "Potato" for at least the 30th time by people online for living in Idaho. I've lived here my whole life, I have yet to see a potato farm. None of these people has even left the East Coast. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 485

You deserved it 2 200

By Anonymous - 08/10/2015 13:07 - United States - Niles

Today, I had my first open job interview, which is when a group of applicants are interviewed together. I also found out that despite being great at one-on-one interviews, I will panic and make myself look like a complete moron when I'm part of a group. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 476

You deserved it 2 343

By crashednowcrushed - 26/04/2009 00:44 - United States

Today, was my 16th birthday and I was supposed to be surprised with a new car. I have overheard my parents talking about bringing it home tonight while I was at a friend's house. We snuck back to my house to see them bring my car home. All I saw was my Dad crash my new car into a street lamp. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 267

You deserved it 14 812

The one with the asshole friend

By Anonymous - 07/11/2020 06:31 - India

Today, after going through a surgery related to my ovaries, having a life-threatening complication during the surgery due to anesthesia, my doctor warning me about future infertility, a friend tells me that no one will marry me now, since I have stretch marks and stitches marks on my abdomen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 970

You deserved it 48

By utensils123 - 09/02/2010 06:40 - Australia

Today, I discovered my brother likes to use our kitchen utensils to scratch his private areas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 273

You deserved it 2 286

Caught red-handed

By Anonymous - 20/05/2020 17:00

Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 448

By sammy77sam - 15/07/2013 13:41 - Saint Kitts and Nevis - Basseterre

Today, I told my girlfriend about my extreme fear of flying roaches. She immediately got upset because she thought, since I'm from the Caribbean, I would be "manlier" and "eat stuff like that for breakfast". FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 599

You deserved it 4 935

By jcstpierre - 24/04/2009 10:41 - United States

Today, I received a mass email from my boss saying we had a position open at the daycare I work at. I knew my boyfriend was looking for a job so I insisted he apply. Later at work, my boss takes me into her office and tells me my employment is being "terminated". My boyfriend is replacing me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 490

You deserved it 5 570

By itsbeenalongday - 27/09/2015 16:05 - United States - San Francisco

Spicy

Today, I was taking a long, relaxing, hot bath with my girlfriend after a long day. She had fallen asleep in my arms and everything was perfect - until I noticed the water around us had started turning yellow as she pissed herself in her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 866

You deserved it 3 032

By Anonymous - 03/04/2018 05:00

Today, my boyfriend put chili powder on our loo roll as a "harmless" prank. He forgot women use loo roll to wipe the sensitive parts of their bodies. I have itchy weeping sores inside my vagina and am considering sticking an ice cube up there to stop the burning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 458

You deserved it 356

By Anonymous - 09/10/2010 18:33 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me it wasn't working out and he was breaking up with me. The reason? I have the same first and last name as a very unpopular girl, and he gets embarrassed when people mistakenly assume he's going out with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 029

You deserved it 3 334

By WTF - 12/10/2012 23:00 - New Zealand - Hamilton

Today, I had to eat my breakfast in terrified silence, as my hungover mother staggered into the room, shouted at the kettle for not boiling fast enough, and after a few seconds, screamed that I'd sabotaged it. I'm now grounded for supposedly trying to fuck with her head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 826

You deserved it 1 666

By Anonymous - 10/08/2013 04:02 - United States - Los Angeles

Today, I got a call from my son's kindergarten teacher. Apparently my son asked a girl to marry him. After she said no, he stabbed her with a fork. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 671

You deserved it 6 068

By Anonymous - 08/12/2011 12:40 - Australia

Today, working at a daycare centre, when packing up the kids' beds after sleep time, I slipped and landed in a puddle. Of urine. I had no spare pants. I had to wear them for the rest of my shift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 017

You deserved it 3 266

By sad_unicorn - 31/07/2016 04:51

Today, my mother in law likes to baby my partner. Gets him drinks, kisses him on the forehead, talks to him like he's 8, does everything for him. And she gives me death stares, especially when she hugs him when I'm around. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 631

You deserved it 1 218

By Anonymous - 01/10/2011 11:44 - Sweden

Today, I sneezed so hard that I hit my head against the wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 155

You deserved it 6 085

By Anonymous - 16/10/2010 04:17 - United States

Today, my perfectly sane and healthy 90 year old grandmother had a heart to heart with me. She told me she'd pay for a boob job. When I asked why, she said, "Sweetie, you'll never attract someone with those tiny suckers." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 646

You deserved it 4 005

By egghead - 23/09/2011 08:31 - United Kingdom

Today, I was introducing my American cousin to the peaceful English village I live in. Just as I was reassuring her that the people were very friendly and welcoming, a car drove past and pelted us with eggs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 984

You deserved it 3 202

By jillydark6609 - 19/09/2010 06:21 - United States

Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 233

You deserved it 14 217

Glamorous...

By KlutzyFarmGirl - 12/06/2018 14:30 - United States

Today, I went into the farm where I work. Within the first 30 minutes I slipped on a fresh cow pie and broke my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 298

You deserved it 347

By RoxahTheGreat - 26/12/2009 01:50 - United States

Today, I was unloading things into a hotel. As I went to get a bag out in the hallway, the room door closed and I had no key. When I knocked and asked my family to let me back in, no one answered. The doors are clearly not soundproof. I could hear them debating whether or not to let me back in. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 363

You deserved it 4 055

By crapped on - 16/06/2011 06:25 - United States

Today, my family went on vacation. I had to stay home to take care of everyone's animals. I called my mom, she said she was too busy to talk to me. My sister asked who was on the phone, she replied "the dog sitter." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 940

You deserved it 4 140

You tried

By Anonymous - 22/01/2021 00:01 - Australia

Today, my colleague was wearing a beautiful dress. I decided that I had to go over and compliment her. As I walked over, my coffee cup flew out of my hand and onto said dress. She had to go home and change, and my boss had to cover for her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 381

By jdancerchick - 16/11/2011 13:47 - United States

Today, while driving and singing, I noticed a large fly inside my car. I stopped singing so it wouldn't fly into my mouth. That didn't stop it from flying up my nose, causing me to swerve and drive into a ditch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 200

You deserved it 4 697

By Miss_Kristen - 26/02/2012 15:31 - United States

Today, an African-American family came into the restaurant at which I work. They said, "Jackson, party of 5." After I laughed, I realized they were serious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 354

You deserved it 34 318

By Anonymous - 31/12/2012 20:04 - United States

Today, I went to bed with a bra on. I woke up with no bra on. My brother had a friend sleep over last night. I wonder where my bra went. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 670

You deserved it 4 173

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:17

Well.. that sucks, esp. for his g/f, but can you really expect anything out of a guy you are just casually sleeping with???

fuckitfuckitfuck 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:39

saw that coming halfway through the first sentence. it was probably the fact that you referred to him as the guy you've been sleeping with, as opposed to your boyfriend. this isn't an FML. this is a "I can't believe it took you that long to figure it out."

Comments

quackquackquac 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:03

That sucks. :(

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Monday 20 July 2009 17:29

If you were trying to have a real relationship instead of fucking this might not have happened. YDI for being a slut.

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Monday 20 July 2009 18:33

MAN YOU ARE SLUT!!!!

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 1:56

That doesn't really suck, because she deserved it. If you notice, the OP opens her FML with "the guy I've been sleeping with" rather than "the guy I've been dating", which infers that it was just casual sex and not an actual monogamous relationship. If she is sleeping with a guy who she is not dating, then she totally deserved that for expecting too much from a booty call.

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Friday 28 August 2009 23:15

agreed, here is a song i wrote about you "shes a super slut, super slut, she is super SLUTTY"

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Saturday 13 February 2010 3:36

he must of been hammerd and thought u were a friend so he was going to call u

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Friday 14 May 2010 20:14

Slut

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Friday 8 July 2011 10:20

it sucks, yea, but she said sleeping with not boyfriend. not as big of a deal. but still sucks

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:05

I guess now you dont have to ask where the relationship is going..... sorry OP, FYL indeed.

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:06

If he was that drunk he might've meant you.

spoo 24

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Monday 20 July 2009 17:49

that't what I was thinking... I would have waited to see if they dialed my #

emorockerownage 9

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Monday 20 July 2009 17:57

thats what i was thinking

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Monday 20 July 2009 20:48

My thought exactly. If he's that drunk then he might have not known who was taking care of him. All of you saying it's YDI for having casual sex need to stop being such self aggrandizing prudes. It's OK for people to have differing views on sex. You might need a full committed relationship, but casual sex is just as valid for the people who like it.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 0:19

You're exactly right, but deciding to casually have sex means you understand that you are not attached whatsoever. People have no right to bitch that their fuck buddy fucked someone else.

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Tuesday 21 July 2009 3:05

Are you a an idiot or something? She's not jeolous that he's fucking another woman. She's pissed that he didn't tell her that he was seeing someone. That firmly plants her in the other woman category. I'm pretty sure that she's not so happy about that.

boundforglorywt 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:16

cool story

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:17

Well.. that sucks, esp. for his g/f, but can you really expect anything out of a guy you are just casually sleeping with???

DuhthatsObvious 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:19

I feel so bad for his girlfriend, I can't believe you expected any respect for this guy anyway, when you guys have been having meaningless sex for 3 weeks. Maybe you should wait to be in a relationship with a guy before opening your legs, tramp!

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:35

Whoa whoa whoa whoa....stop it.....stop it..

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Monday 20 July 2009 17:02

every guy does that. if a girl does that, it doesnt make her a tramp. shes not a tramp hes a tramp

Sipos 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 17:51

Stop being such a dick. What's up with calling girls sluts or tramps because thye have casual sex? It sucks that guys do it and it's cool but girls do it and it makes them a slut.

DuhthatsObvious 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 17:58

I'm a girl, and I feel the same towards men. I have no pity for 'the other' women getting hurt. They bring it upon themselves.

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Monday 29 July 2013 22:00

"A key that opens many doors is very valuable, but a door that is opened by many keys is worthless"

lusitania_fml 11

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Tuesday 11 March 2014 6:15

No one is worthless.

Colleennn1579 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:20

Dump that dickhead

Oh_Hayy_Its_Lex 10

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Friday 9 December 2011 23:52

theyre not dating, she waa having casual sex with him:P

JustCallMeCloud 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:24

What were you expecting? You were having casual sex with the guy.

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:34

What do you expect from a guy you're just sleeping with? You obviously weren't looking for a relationship. YDI for being a slut.

fuckitfuckitfuck 0

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Monday 20 July 2009 16:39

saw that coming halfway through the first sentence. it was probably the fact that you referred to him as the guy you've been sleeping with, as opposed to your boyfriend. this isn't an FML. this is a "I can't believe it took you that long to figure it out."

Nearly

Today, my maid sat me down to tell me that she doesn’t like it when me and my partner fight. We don’t like each other anymore and I keep trying to break up with him, but he won’t let me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29

You deserved it 17

Today, I was diagnosed with anorexia. My mother still keeps on calling me a fat fuck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 7

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I'm on day 11 of having COVID. My husband said to me, "I hope you get better soon so we can finally have sex again." Thanks for being concerned about MY health and wellbeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 100

Today, I realized why my boyfriend drove me to his “favorite” hospital about one agonizing hour away while I was in labor. His friend who's a nurse worked there. Or should I say, his side chick. He made out with her in the room while I was “sleeping” after giving birth to our first child. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 243

You deserved it 92