Transportation: Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32

You deserved it 3

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 93

You deserved it 6

Spicy

Spicy

Lightning Bolt

By LightningRod - 18/10/2021 11:00

Spicy

Today, I have an internal defibrillator from trauma to my heart 12 years ago. I finally experienced for the first time what it's like when it shocks me. Nothing says I'm a keeper like getting kicked in the chest and smacked upside the back of the head with a baseball bat while clapping cheeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 180

You deserved it 19

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 484

You deserved it 130

30/10/2010 04:52

Today, while on the bus, I began to fall asleep. Suddenly, a man next to me started laughing very loudly, scaring me and jolting me out from my nap. I was so scared, I reflexively punched the girl in front of me in the face. I was pinned down by three other men while the cops were called. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 425

You deserved it 10 344

Dementia or hate? You decide

Snaggletooth

Your cat, your problem

Corporate hell

By Anonymous - 13/09/2019 04:01

Today, I found out I didn't get the promotion I applied for. Then I was told I was the only one who applied for the job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 808

You deserved it 132

10/06/2009 17:37

Today, I was doing the laundry, but couldn't tell if one basket contained dirty clothes or clean clothes. I put my head down into the basket and took a whiff to check, and smelled something strong. I looked down and noticed I had shoved my nose into my mother's dirty panties and inhaled deeply. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 165

You deserved it 60 848

03/08/2013 06:46

Today, I found a topless photo of my mother on my phone. Thanks, iCloud. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 834

You deserved it 4 976

14/12/2014 11:55

Today, it's been months since I dropped out of college to escape constantly being bullied and being miserable. Ever since then, I've been having recurring nightmares with the same people bullying me, after which I wake up crying and feeling miserable. My brain is a douchebag. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 520

You deserved it 4 856

27/07/2010 13:56

Today, I went surfing. One of my instructors came up to me and told me that the other, good looking, instructor didn't have a girlfriend. Who then turned around and said "I do if you are trying to set me up with her." FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 260

You deserved it 4 046

09/01/2012 05:01

Spicy

Today, I was with my boyfriend, and we started to get a little kinky. He laid me down roughly on the bed, but I started to slide off, so I pulled myself up. In doing so, I managed to knee him in the nut-sack, causing him to puke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 578

You deserved it 7 818

06/06/2012 14:19

Today, a man on the bus questioned my sexuality for being a male nurse. I asked him what he did and he said he worked in a garage. When I pointed out that I work with sexy nurses all day and he works with sweaty guys, he punched me in the stomach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 106

You deserved it 6 610

Sounds bad

By Pururururin - 11/06/2020 08:08

Today, I accidentally deleted an audio file for my first professional video project. Impossible to do a retake, because the production budget was so tight. The audio from the camera sounds bad and file recovery program still can't help. Also, the deadline is this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 339

You deserved it 524

02/02/2015 23:59

Spicy

Today, my wife's boyfriend learned that you can't flush condoms. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 966

You deserved it 3 570

04/06/2017 04:00

Today, while naked, my fiancée said there was something wrong with her butt. She turned around and I leaned in to look at it. She then farted in my face. On purpose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 476

You deserved it 1 574

18/01/2015 19:44

Today, I ran out of cash. The nearest ATM to my house is over a half hour away by foot. After walking all the way there under the blistering heat of the sun, I realized I'd left my card back at home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 577

You deserved it 23 744

12/05/2011 11:09

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 818

You deserved it 57 028

08/02/2010 01:56

Today, I had to buy a wrist splint for my carpal tunnel syndrome. Not because I'm a computer programmer or some hot shot web designer but because I spend ALL of my time playing Solitaire on my laptop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 858

You deserved it 33 109

23/04/2009 05:22

Today, I had an appraisal meeting with the Boss. She raved and gushed and told me what a great job I was doing. Then she said "Well done, Eric". Eric is not my name. She froze, opened a new file and told me my actual appraisal, which was the complete opposite of everything she had just said. FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 198

You deserved it 6 711

04/04/2012 10:13

Today, I'm recovering from colon surgery. They gave me codeine as pain relief, which has made me constipated. I'm currently sat on the toilet, trying to push out what feels like a small child wrapped in barbed wire out without busting my stitches. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 222

You deserved it 2 093

13/09/2011 05:51

Spicy

Today, I finally had sex with the guy I've been seeing. It took him longer to put the condom on than it did to finish. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 676

You deserved it 4 697

27/01/2016 17:11

Today, my girlfriend told me she loved me for the first time. Unfortunately, it was her way of saying that she didn't want to lose me after cheating on me yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 653

You deserved it 1 465

18/02/2010 06:38

Today, I was at McDonald's. I bumped into a guy, and as I was helping him pick up his food, I realized he was cute. I began smiling and I was about to introduce myself, when he began laughing and said ,"It's you! I've heard about you!" He left laughing. I still don't know who he is, or what made him laugh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 999

You deserved it 3 609

16/12/2010 12:06

Today, I discovered that the painful eczema I get every winter was actually being caused by the moisturising cream I use to treat it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 340

You deserved it 4 300

06/08/2011 19:10

Today, I found out that my German wasn't as great as I thought it was. Trying to give directions to some German tourists, I tried to say, "I hope I don't get you lost." Turns out I actually said something closer to, "I hope I don't seduce you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 992

You deserved it 6 271

Knock off

By mee - 24/11/2020 08:02

Today, I overheard my six year-old step-son playing with his sister and cousin. His sister was the baby, cousin the step-dad, and he got to be “the best one” because he was the "real dad." FML

I agree, your life sucks 728

You deserved it 101

24/08/2016 06:15

Today, I discovered, after years of being grounded for losing my belongings, that I didn't actually lose anything. Instead, my mom drunkenly admitted to tossing my stuff away and then punishing me for it whenever she was mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 405

You deserved it 1 010

17/09/2009 03:16

Today, it's my 17th birthday. I asked for a newer car because my car right now sucks. I got a book on photography. I don't own a camera. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 604

You deserved it 55 497

01/03/2009 17:17

Spicy

Today, my best friend slapped me and called me a some colorful words before telling me that she never wanted to talk to me again because I supposedly slept with her boyfriend. Not only am I a virgin, but I'm a lesbian. FML

I agree, your life sucks 200 505

You deserved it 16 628

11/07/2015 03:49

Today, at 3 in the morning, I was getting out of bed to use the bathroom, when my boyfriend grabbed my arm, looked at me wide-eyed and begged, "Don't... They'll take your skin..." He doesn't remember saying it, and now I'm scared shitless to use the bathroom at night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 816

You deserved it 2 825

04/09/2013 21:14

Today, I took my driver's test. The woman administering it wouldn't even look at me, so trying to be friendly I said the first thing I could think of: "It must be scary getting in the car with someone you don't know!" She failed me for "excessive chatting." FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 987

You deserved it 5 016

18/03/2014 08:46

Today, I decided to clean my apartment from top to bottom. Once I was done, I looked over at my puppy, who then woke up, stretched, got out of his basket and started to pee. I shouted, "No!" Scared, he then ran all over the place, still peeing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 381

You deserved it 9 407

18/03/2015 07:06

Today, my dad spent 30 minutes incorrectly correcting me about our legal system. He thinks he knows more than me because he's been divorced twice. I'm a lawyer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 056

You deserved it 2 423

17/06/2010 22:56

Today, I was taking my dog on a walk when two younger looking boys rode their bikes up towards me. One said, "What about her?" The other boy said, "Nah, she's ugly." FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 791

You deserved it 3 624

26/03/2019 12:00

Today I spent an hour getting ready for my first date of the year, only to wait 30 min in the cold and then walking back home by myself. Why didn’t he show up? On his way to the date he got invited for a threesome and decided to do that instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 204

07/08/2012 03:08

Today, I successfully stopped my hair straightener from falling into a bathtub full of water by grabbing hold of the burning hot plates. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 850

You deserved it 8 135

03/04/2015 04:37

Today, during work hours, I took time off and discreetly went for an interview for a prospective job at our rival company. As soon as I reached the place, I bumped into my current boss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 272

You deserved it 8 615

01/06/2012 21:08

Today, a homeless guy grabbed me and started ranting that "the Mayans were right" or some shit. He was making about as much sense as Charlie Sheen outside of a padded cell, so I shoved him away. That's when he decided to pull a knife and chase me all the way to my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 881

You deserved it 4 339

07/06/2019 00:07

Today, I was sitting in Walmart when I saw an attractive woman walking by. Being the single guy I am, I went up to her and asked if she needed help with carrying her groceries. She responded with, "You know I'm a guy, right?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 921

You deserved it 1 640

20/04/2016 18:55

Today, after 2 weeks of hard work in the heat planting a garden, just as I thought the most stressful part was over, my wife's mother comes over and brings a huge dog. She then threw a tennis ball for the dog into my freshly seeded garden multiple times, completely destroying most of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 325

You deserved it 1 501

To the window, to the wall

By Kim - 17/07/2020 23:01

Today, I saw my boyfriend using a washcloth to clean his cock and sweaty balls. He told me he's been doing this for quite some time now. Guess who's been using the same washcloth to clean her face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 485

You deserved it 382

10/01/2012 17:15

Today, I went to my first class of the semester. After an hour of intense note writing, I realized I was in the wrong class. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21 136

You deserved it 30 470

20/05/2015 14:43

Today, I went indoor rock climbing. After finally making it to the top, my pants ripped on my last move. I wasn't wearing any underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 039

You deserved it 21 435

30/03/2009 04:13

Today, I was fired for "customer dissatisfaction." I work in IT and have never met one of my company's customers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 509

You deserved it 4 160

Run for the hills

By Anonymous - 06/08/2021 08:00

Today, I realized that my girlfriend and I have no shared hobbies. We used to. She's stopped doing them with me and instead does them with someone else. No worries, he's "just a friend", although she did tell me she has a crush on him. But "nothing's going to happen" because "he doesn't feel the same". FML

I agree, your life sucks 828

You deserved it 79

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Top comments

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:07

Poor girl. Was she okay?

SavageOranges 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:07

Sorry but I LOL'd! :P

Comments

SavageOranges 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:07

Sorry but I LOL'd! :P

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:28

ydi for punching a girl.. shame on you, OP

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:12

Happy Halloween!

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:39

I had when people laugh so loudly on he phone it's so annoying I would have punch the guy in the face haha

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Saturday 30 October 2010 16:29

Jewban, I have no fucking idea what you just said...

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Saturday 30 October 2010 18:35

(my first comment hasn't appeared..) Why is it a YDI because he hit a girl? 'Yeah, so he woke up and punched this guy in the face, but it's ok because most guys can take it.' Are you mental? It's not alright if anyone gets hit, not just girls.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 18:51

I also have " hit random girl in the face when anything unexpected happens" reflexes.

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Monday 13 December 2010 13:30

me too xD

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Tuesday 14 February 2012 1:19

You make zero sense!!!!!

MichellinMan 20

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Sunday 26 August 2012 3:21

YOU KNOW WHAT? FUCK YOU ALL. NO ONE WILL SEE THIS.

Scarshadow101 6

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Sunday 23 September 2012 20:56

Really? They're the ones that "make zero sense"? What are you, a kindergartener?

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:07

Poor girl. Was she okay?

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Sunday 31 October 2010 4:38

oh shut up weirdo

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Sunday 31 October 2010 6:23

lol win!!!!!

ManlyDunsparce 3

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Thursday 26 January 2012 16:29

OP has the ability to Falcon punch her. so... Sadly the girl has been vaporised.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:14

damn girl!! those are some crazy reflexes lol

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:34

OP is a dude. :P

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Tuesday 22 November 2011 7:25

It's a guy

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:41

Falling asleep, on the bus? Wow...

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:36

you should come to China. you'd be surprise with the quantities of chineses sleeping in the bus

supersparta4300 0

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Saturday 30 October 2010 21:15

I used to do it all the time, it's really easy to do when you have gym class combined with boring classes and you stay up late smoking weed and chilling with your peeps

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Sunday 31 October 2010 2:34

Supersparta, yea... That's a great way to spend your nights...

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Monday 11 May 2015 13:53

Chineses?

EightInchNails 9

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:47

Your choice of physical contact was met with the utmost negativity.

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Sunday 31 October 2010 1:36

ha!

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:52

thats what you get for not controlling your reflexes. lol. was that an oxymoron? probably not. but i tried. fragment sentences. are fun.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:57

maybe

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Wednesday 31 December 2014 6:38

Lol you can't control your reflexes. That's why they are called that :p

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:58

how the hell is making a fist, pulling it back then pushing your fist out directly at someone's head a reflex- instantly after you were just unconscious?

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:43

pdsd I've seen guys come out of sleep brandishing knives. one of my buddies tried to strangle me when I woke him up screaming "who sent you!?!?" we laugh about it now but it was purely a reflex.

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Saturday 30 October 2010 17:56

don't you meant PTSD?

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Sunday 31 October 2010 5:27

my husband has woken up grabbing my arm and shaking me, or he hops up sure he's late for work, one time he even was kicking me and trying to choke me, all after he deployed but those are NOT normal responses for non marines. so op u probably should look into some therapy for your unnatural fight over flight reflex

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Sunday 31 October 2010 5:29

ok I should say those are not normal responses for people who are non military or abuse victims or trauma survivors

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Saturday 1 March 2014 21:59

11 all you have to do is clench your fist a little bit and swing your arm. If that's not a reflex, I don't know what is.

domolovesyoshi 33

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Friday 11 April 2014 21:54

it is if he/she has PTSD

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Saturday 30 October 2010 12:58

Hahaha, made my day x)

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Saturday 30 October 2010 13:04

Was she turned towards you for some reason? How did you punch her in the face if she was sitting in front of you? And how long is your arm?

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Saturday 30 October 2010 15:33

some buses r like that. i went on lots of em in rome :P

alipod 11

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Saturday 30 October 2010 13:16

great that u didn't fart. that man would even laugh louder