Transportation: Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would... - FML

Nearly

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27

You deserved it 1

27/09/2021 06:27

Today, I have to get up and go to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 53

You deserved it 93

Spicy

Spicy

Unfriended

By thethrowawayplace - 15/10/2021 17:00

Spicy

Today, my friend was watching a black guy getting yelled at by the cops on TV. He then decided to yell, "Wow, ni***** really don't know how to behave!" When I didn't react, he yelled it over and over, until I slunk into my room. He knows I'm part black. FML

I agree, your life sucks 298

You deserved it 53

Grind mindset

By MyStomachHurts - 15/10/2021 05:00

Spicy

Today, my boss wrote me up for taking too many bathroom breaks. I tried calling in sick with a bad case of indigestion, but he told me to just power through it because, "it can't possibly be that bad." I have been in severe, persistent discomfort the whole damn day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 389

You deserved it 27

02/03/2010 05:05

Today, I was on the train when I fell asleep. Everything would have been fine but I was suddenly jerked awake by the very loud sound of my own fart, followed by the stares of many strangers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 229

You deserved it 6 050

Age difference

There's no helping some people

Another great day to be alive

More proof the system is broken

By Anonymous - 27/06/2020 20:04

Today, my younger sister, who lives at home and worked 1 day a week at the gym, got her unemployment card. I work at a hospital, on the frontlines, with COVID-19 patients. I don't get hazard pay. She now makes more than me in a week by sitting at home watching Netflix, while I risk my life every day to help people. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 363

You deserved it 178

15/02/2009 13:56

Today, I accompanied some friends to sign up for a gym. When we got there, the guy handed me a form, too. I said, "Oh, I'm not signing up." He replied, "Out of all of you, you need it the most." He then said he was also a nutritionist, and offered a consultation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 802

You deserved it 11 097

22/09/2010 07:47

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me by spray-painting it on my locker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 935

You deserved it 3 699

16/02/2012 07:32

Today, I was talking to a guy I really liked, hoping that he would ask me out. Eventually he asked for my number. I was so excited that I couldn't remember it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 148

You deserved it 8 594

06/07/2009 20:27

Today, my girlfriend came over to talk. She just got back from a small vacation. She asked me to feed her dogs while she was gone, so I did. I even stayed with them at times so they wouldnt get lonely. My girlfriend had come over to break up with me. She didn't do so earlier because she needed her dogs fed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 891

You deserved it 3 215

23/04/2013 05:25

Today, I had a note to skip P.E. that my grandpa had written because my mom was busy. His handwriting is terrible, so they didn't believe that he'd written it. I'd twisted my ankle and I got to run another mile for "lying". FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 895

You deserved it 4 181

21/04/2009 10:51

Today, I went to a cosmetic dentist and got a chip in my tooth filled in that I’d had since I was 7. I went out later and my friend jokingly hit my head against the table a few times to make fun of me showing off my teeth. He slipped. I fell. I now have 2 chipped teeth and a broken nose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 59 331

You deserved it 10 392

Force of habit, or just mean?

By leogs23 - 02/03/2021 20:01

Today, my fiancée’s siblings kept calling me by her ex-boyfriend’s name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 859

You deserved it 56

08/10/2015 14:46

Today, an elderly gentleman customer decided to tell me that while I'm not attractive at all, he'd still bang me all the same. Then he gave me a pained smile, like he was struggling not to shit himself, and left. I'm starting to hate working retail. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 508

You deserved it 1 606

21/01/2010 03:31

Today, I found out that I was being laid off via an email that wasn't even spell checked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 859

You deserved it 2 280

19/06/2009 04:23

Today, as a frog biologist I was out in the field searching for a relatively rare frog species. After three hours I finally heard the frog call and I crept closer and closer to the sound until... squish... I stepped on the very frog I was trying to collect. They're endangered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 263

You deserved it 20 013

22/02/2010 06:31

Today, I found out that my most amazing spring break ever, will be spent stuck on a ship with my ex. It's been almost two years, and he still isn't over me. Yay. This cruise shall be fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 597

You deserved it 6 074

Falling Down

By Anonymous - 10/08/2020 02:12

Today, I woke up in hospital. Apparently, I fell down the stairs, broke 3 ribs, one toe, and hit my head so much that 12 stitches were needed. I also blacked out for an hour before my husband found me covered in blood. Recovery should take about a month and a half. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 787

You deserved it 122

21/12/2013 07:08

Today, I came home after working on a difficult case. My husband wasn't home so I hopped into bed. My feet felt something and I reached down and picked it up out of the sheets. It was lacy black thongs. I don't own black thongs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 071

You deserved it 3 761

Get it out!

By Anonymous - 21/10/2020 09:01

Today, I paid movers $125 to move a couch into my house that's much too large for the space. FML

I agree, your life sucks 380

You deserved it 948

Sewing project

By peppergirl - 30/12/2019 20:00

Today, I was doing a sewing project in class. My friend said we should get the teachers to model our designs. I said that I did not think I would have enough material to make clothes for one of the teachers. I said this in front of the whole class very loudly, while the teacher was right next to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 608

You deserved it 2 291

03/07/2018 15:00

Today, I was verbally harassed by a customer because I wouldn’t give her special treatment after her meal was incorrect. I offered her a refund and a coupon for a free meal, which she refused before calling me a stupid kid who wouldn’t do anything to help her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 507

You deserved it 220

26/03/2013 20:20

Spicy

Today, I woke up next to my girlfriend. I was woken up by my mother breaking into my house to tell me I need to get ready for work. Then she got mad that I had a girl over. I'm 20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 466

You deserved it 5 113

19/02/2013 17:13

Today, a woman strapped her 8-year-old son into the seat next to me on a transatlantic flight. Thinking they'd been unable to book seats together, I offered to swap seats with her. She said she'd booked it this way intentionally, because he's a "fucking brat" on flights. She was right. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 812

You deserved it 2 597

13/02/2013 22:29

Today, I finally confronted my bully. Too bad it was at my high school reunion and he beat the shit out of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 993

You deserved it 5 694

26/10/2016 15:52

Today, I celebrated my fifteen-week anniversary. No, not a relationship anniversary. A migraine anniversary. It won't stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 592

You deserved it 828

20/10/2018 23:00

Today, my 4 year old son excitedly asked me if he'd get to see drones at the zoo. He apparently thinks drones are living creatures. I guess I can go ahead and spend his college savings on shoes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 610

You deserved it 1 308

Road hog

By DanJames24 - 10/10/2021 07:00

Today, a girl seemed to be tailgating me while I was driving home. I ended up letting her past as I didn’t like it, so I pulled into the next petrol station. She did too, so I thought I’d ask her why she was tailgating me. She asked what I was going to do about it, before kneeing me in the balls. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 034

You deserved it 200

21/09/2009 04:12

Today, I was at work when two sheriff's deputies walked in. They asked me my name and when I told them, they asked me to turn around and they cuffed me. They told me I was under arrest for robbery. Turns out I was mistakenly IDed, but now every one at my job thinks I'm an armed robber. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 992

You deserved it 2 283

23/07/2009 19:43

Today, while showering at my boyfriend's house early this morning, I saw a huge black spider on the wall. I am allergic to spiders, so in my disorientation I ran out of the shower screaming, slipped, sprained my wrist and bruised my tailbone. Turns out the spider was a clump of hair. My hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 883

You deserved it 44 766

19/11/2016 06:48

Today, while I was reading on my tablet, my dog wanted to be let outside, so I set down the tablet and let her outside. I returned to the living room to continue reading when I heard a crunch. The tablet had fallen to the floor and I'd stepped on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 733

You deserved it 2 757

10/12/2009 03:24

Today, I pulled out three chips from a bag. There were two round ones, and a skinny one, making it look like a penis. I laughed. I'm 33. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 934

You deserved it 32 747

Shitty prank

By Crohn - 03/07/2021 04:01

Today, when I woke up, I discovered that someone thought it'd be hilarious to set up an obstacle course of boxes and furniture in the dorm hallway. I have Crohn's disease, and the bathroom is at the other end of the hall. No, I didn't make it in time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 797

You deserved it 43

19/05/2009 04:08

Today, I was feeling rebellious, I decided to procrastinate instead of studying for my really important English test tomorrow. I was having a pretty good time until I realized my idea of procrastinating was cleaning my TI-83 graphing calculator with rubbing alcohol and Q-tips. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 906

You deserved it 53 248

01/09/2017 20:00

Today, I put a magnet on my brand new car. I got rear-ended by someone who was trying to read it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 118

You deserved it 837

11/01/2012 16:31

Today, I had to cancel my wedding. On top of being upset about the break up, I was informed I owed a $900 cancellation fee for not using the venue. Single and broke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 106

You deserved it 4 030

08/02/2011 01:21

Today, I found out that even though my sister and I are identical twins, I'm known as "The ugly one". FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 297

You deserved it 3 608

My lovely horse

By Anonymous - 18/08/2021 08:01

Today, after we managed to find a horse that was completely healthy and problem-free, we took her home. Now she keeps getting thinner because she's stressed and scared. Of what? Of having too much space to move around in, and occasionally seeing deer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 913

You deserved it 97

23/09/2009 01:10

Today, I received a phone call from the number of a "single" guy I met online. It was his wife, who is three months pregnant. She threatened to kick my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 257

You deserved it 8 019

18/03/2015 22:23

Today, I found out how much those tiny dogs cost when my German Shepherd ate one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 529

You deserved it 12 254

18/11/2010 16:27

Today, my boyfriend emailed me this morning to let me know that he had forwarded the joke that I had sent to him to all of his workmates and friends. He was quickly given the heads-up by one of his friends that all of our intimate emails from the day were also included. I'm dating a dumbass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 151

You deserved it 7 714

26/06/2018 19:00

Today, my fiancé's mother made him pack his stuff and move to Montana while I was at work. I came home to a half-written note because she wouldn’t let him finish. We own a house together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 348

You deserved it 444

02/06/2010 15:05

Today, I went shopping with my mother. I needed to use the toilet, so entered a restaurant. After I left the toilet, my mother, who was near the restaurant's entrance, called out and asked: "Did you flush it?" Everyone heard her. And I'm 22 years old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 239

You deserved it 3 797

Woohoo, party time!

By Dp. - 27/03/2021 13:59

Today, after 22 years, I finally got promoted to senior tech. My wife bitched about the reheated lasagna and I drank a fifth of whiskey. A celebration dinner to remember FML

I agree, your life sucks 802

You deserved it 131

13/01/2012 23:56

Today, I was watching TV with my boyfriend, when a World of Warcraft commercial came on. He turned to me and said, "Yeah, I'd choose the Horde over you any day." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 482

You deserved it 4 437

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:37

Lol. Awesome. I would have loved to have seen that. I would have been that one guy sitting there pissing himself laughing and then high 5'ing you.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:33

lol u farted urself awake like brian from family guy

Comments

rustproofvirud 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:20

actually one of you is probally secretly gay I mean I can see the unisex clothing but haircuts lol jk that had to suck though

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:21

I think your comment posted to the wrong fml

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:47

this happens to me all the time in class , but the classes I go to sleep in are always loud , so nobody hears it. I hate waking up every 10 minutes though

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 21:45

haha! You let one go every ten minutes? You should get that checked out.

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Wednesday 3 March 2010 5:41

you probably have bionic buns!

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:28

what'd you eat man.. hopefully not beans

Jrook 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:30

that makes you a stinky hobo

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:33

Too bad you weren't in a tunnel, you could've secretly pointed at the dude next to you and moved away disgusted!

dfman 0

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 14:52

hahaha ftw^^ even though itd be a dick move

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:33

lol u farted urself awake like brian from family guy

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 13:07

yea I see this situation on too many fmls but still funny and it shows that it's common which is weird

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:34

^^^ This!

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:37

Lol. Awesome. I would have loved to have seen that. I would have been that one guy sitting there pissing himself laughing and then high 5'ing you.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:42

YDI for being embarrassed by that.

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Tuesday 2 March 2010 12:46

is