Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check...

By Daniel - 27/6/2010 07:43 - United States

Today, while going to lunch with my boss, he asked me to check and see if the other lane was clear. When I did, he swerved hard, making me smack my head into the door window. This is apparently his new favorite thing to do. FML

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Work

Great boyfriend

Business savvy

Higher standards

By Conspiratea - 1/7/2018 19:00

Today, I'm in the hospital for a broken hip and cerebral hemorrhage, bedridden with a continuous headache. My roommate has dementia and shouts and cries all day about a hospital conspiracy where everybody is drinking tea all the time except her. This will be a long month. FML

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By Anonymous - 18/2/2020 14:00

Bad liar

Today, I was supposed to see my boyfriend for his birthday. He said his parents were coming down and it may not be a good time for us to really enjoy each other. Last night I saw a picture of him feeding popcorn to baby llamas with his drunk stoner friends. FML

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By photoman - 14/7/2014 09:31 - Austria - Vienna

Today, I was informed by a laughing friend, that my phone must be taking and uploading photos to Google+. Among numerous black shots, there is a particularly nice one of me while I'm sitting on the toilet. FML

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By getafucktoysomewhereelsedude - 16/5/2013 20:31 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I had to listen to yet another delusional fuckface at school bitch about how a girl he's interested in put him in the "friend-zone". I really couldn't focus on my work, so I tried to shut him up by saying he's an idiot, not least because she already has a boyfriend. I now have a black eye. FML

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By atleasthelocalsarenice - 4/3/2017 12:00

Today, while camping alone in an isolated area, I was woken up at 3 a.m. by a fellow camper, who then offered me a crayfish and a romantic beach walk as a way of flirtation. FML

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By wtf - 20/6/2011 07:43 - Canada

Today, I found out my wife isn't cheating. She says she's just getting older and sex isn't important anymore. She's 27. FML

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By NoDocVisit - 27/7/2016 02:27 - United States - Parrish

Today, I found out why my husband doesn't want me to go to the doc. It's not because of the reasonable copay. It's because he has let 3 other women use my insurance to give birth, in the last 4 years. They are all his. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/6/2013 07:11 - United States - Rainier

Today, I received a prank phone call that woke me up. I actually kept them on the line because they were the first person to call me in weeks. FML

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By faen - 29/11/2012 21:12 - Norway - Marifjora

Today, Muse cancelled their upcoming show in Oslo. I bought my sold-out tickets on the black market for double the retail price, and have no way of getting my money back. FML

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By Anonymous - 23/11/2013 21:57 - Argentina

Today, after getting a root canal, I told my mother how boring it was just sitting there with my mouth open for ages while the dentist did his work. She then told me how she had to do the same kind of thing on her anniversary night with my father. FML

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By no car - 4/8/2020 17:04

Car Wars

Today, I came outside to leave for work. To my shock and horror my car was gone. My asshole neighbor, who has parked in my spot multiple times decided to let her noisy guests park in my parking spot, so I parked in hers. She had my car towed. FML

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By hcditfi5foygy - 31/8/2018 20:30

Today, I went to my dorm's community bathroom to do my business. After releasing the Kraken, as I was wiping, I accidentally let go of the toilet paper. Instead of the toilet, it hit the floor in the next stall. Someone was in there. FML

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By Anonymous - 4/10/2015 11:45 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, my wannabe psychologist of a brother accused me of lying about all the violence and emotional abuse my ex inflicted on me, all because I went into "too much detail" when describing it, which he says is something only liars do. Thanks for the support. FML

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By Anonymous - 3/9/2009 12:54 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to catch a coach to London at 4 in the morning. I was late so I had to take any free seat, so sat down next to a seemingly sweet old man. Within ten minutes, the sweet old man was trying to kiss me and trying to pull me on top of him. Nobody said anything. The journey was 4 hours long. FML

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By for my brother in law - 27/7/2016 07:10 - United States - Oxnard

Today, I sent a love message to my wife asking if she was horny. Minutes later, I realized that I sent it to my mother in law. FML

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By ._. - 5/6/2013 00:08 - United Kingdom - Letchworth

Today, my wife uttered the soul-crushing words, "But we're married now, why would we have sex?" FML

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By Alexander - 30/5/2010 16:53 - Russian Federation

Today, I found that my cats somehow managed to pull the plug of my fridge out of the socket. Several days ago. Now I have to get rid of a ton of stinking food and clean the stinking fridge. FML

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By Anonymous - 22/8/2011 19:35 - United States

Today, a hooker refused my custom. According to her, "Even whores have standards." FML

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By jaymash - 22/10/2011 13:25 - United States

Today, I was giving a PowerPoint presentation in class. When I put my flash drive into the computer, my folder opened up and a nude picture of myself popped right up on a 110 inch projector screen for all 35 students to see. This is a 16 week course. FML

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By Highschoolsucks - 18/3/2020 23:00 - Australia - Brisbane

Unexpected item

Today, I was hit in the head with a football during class. Spanish class. FML

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By FML - 12/11/2009 07:14 - United States

Today, I held a container while a patient tried to throw up in it. She missed. FML

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By Liz - 6/2/2017 16:00 - United States - Salt Lake City

He Tried?

Today, I told my soon-to-be-ex that he never does anything for the kids, and hasn't contributed a dime. He showed up with a half a gallon of milk and a box of cereal. Not what I meant. FML

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By LadyLou - 3/11/2015 11:42 - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2014 17:26 - United States - Las Vegas

Today, my wife has a bruise on her cheek from a nasty trip while practicing her yoga. She now thinks it's hilarious to flinch in public when I get near her, and keeps telling people she "walked into a door". I've gotten more dirty looks than I can count. FML

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By Emily - 5/12/2012 17:55 - United States - Boston

Today, I was diagnosed with pneumonia. My breathing is short and heavy, and I wanted my boyfriend to comfort me. Instead, he called me Darth Vader, patted me on the head, and said, "Don't worry, the Force will be with you." FML

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By notacreeper - 6/4/2011 00:00

Today, I told my mother I have a girlfriend. Her first answer was "Does she know?" FML

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By Neutered - 27/11/2012 19:52 - United States - Anchorage

Today, I was enjoying a nice bath, when one of my cats jumped up on the rim and started purring. I thought it was sweet, until my other cat ran in and body-slammed the first into the tub with me. Being a conscientious cat owner, I hadn't de-clawed them. FML

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By Scared4Lf - 19/8/2016 18:10 - United States - Lamoure

Today, I was awoken by my grandparents making love, as they shook the camper in which my cousin and I were sleeping. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/7/2015 19:29 - Canada - Foam Lake

We need to talk

Today, I just found my husband on Craigslist. He's working away from home, and he's looking to give a blowjob. FML

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By Anonymous - 29/6/2009 05:07 - United States

Today, I had my boss and his family over for dinner. Our kids played while waiting for dinner to be ready. Just as we were sitting to eat, our 8-year-olds ran out and my son says "Look at Baxter! I found underwear with a tail hole!" They had found my crotchless panties and put them on the dog. FML

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By Misky - 2/7/2012 02:51

Today, I was walking past a homeless guy while smoking; he asked if he could have a cigarette. So I gave him one and said without thinking, "Sorry, it’s a menthol, but beggars can't be choosers." FML

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By justjust - 28/3/2009 14:14 - United States

Today, I was at work at a preschool. I was sitting outside with the kids and was getting bored so I started singing. One of the little girls runs up and puts her hand over my mouth and tells me to stop. I'm in a select chorus at my highschool and plan to major in choral studies in college. FML

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By snidpea - 31/1/2010 17:07 - France

Today, I sprained my ankle while playing soccer. I still have to walk home. In the rain. FML

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By Anonymous - 8/3/2015 16:42 - United States

Today, I decided to show up early for work and really try to get off my manager's shit-list. On my way to work, my manager called to bitch me out for already being 30 minutes late. Yeah, I forgot about Daylight Savings Time. FML

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By muffingirl - 10/2/2010 12:30 - United Kingdom

Today, while lying in bed, my boyfriend reached over and pinched my love handles and said "Where did this muffin top come from?". Then he sang "Do you know the muffin man?" to me. FML

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By Anonymous - 14/3/2020 09:00

Liar !

Today, I lied and told my friends I was a compulsive liar. Well, I think I lied. FML

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By ActuallyDoneFor - 10/11/2018 10:30 - Canada - Saint Albert

Today, my boyfriend and I had a friend over. This friend was talking about how 2 girls were trying to get with him. My boyfriend says "I wouldn't ever fuck the blonde one, but I would do the other one in a heartbeat." Then, realizing what he said, he hesitantly added "...if I was single." FML

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By uglynerd - 26/5/2013 00:45 - United States - Streamwood

Today, my parents told me they're glad I'm an "ugly nerd" because they don't have to worry about me getting into trouble or having a teen pregnancy. FML

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By greatly disturbed - 7/3/2015 19:09 - United States - Elk Grove

Today, my little sister complained about a young boy in her class always pulling her hair. She asked when boys will stop doing it. My mom replied, "They won't, even when they're grown-ups," then looked over at my dad and shared a dirty smirk. FML

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By AnonWife - 22/1/2014 01:16 - United Kingdom - Scunthorpe

Today, my husband and I are sick. He keeps whining about how bad he feels. I'm just as sick, as well as 7 months pregnant. I've not only been taking care of his whiny ass: I've cooked, cleaned, and gone to the store several times because the tissues we had were too rough on his nose. FML

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Top comments

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1046053 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:18

At least he didn't swerve so your head ended up in his lap. That would of been awkward. That would bring new meaning to "sucking up to the boss". Or has it always meant that?

By HaiToThePeoples | 0

#1046021 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:05

Hahaha!!! That's great! :D

COMMENTS

By HaiToThePeoples | 0

#1046021 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:05

Hahaha!!! That's great! :D

ATL_chris | 6

#1046029 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:09

don't drive with him? :o

phreshboi | 1

#1046036 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:11

sucks for you then, but you'll know for next time to be prepared

Jonkbaby | 19

#1046039 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:12

ydi for longing for the touch of an older man

BaseballBeast | 0

#1046052 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:17

I beat the sun in a staring contest

AbnormalAshley | 0

#1046058 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:20

I love your boss .

Averizzle | 0

#1046068 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:27

Smack debrahs head on the window while swerving! * Like a boss*

MrSassypants | 32

#1046076 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:33

OP you're lucky the window wasn't down and that you're skinny and weren't wearing a seatbelt and flew out the window.

Blame_The_Dog | 0

#1046089 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:45

you know you're a pussy when...you complain about having an awesome boss

yellowdub | 4

#1046103 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:59

#20 Best comment by far.

dancer821 | 3

#1046124 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:33

hahahah I love that video

Mahyar | 2

#1046139 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:52

hahahahaha awesome

bonicr | 0

#1046140 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:52

OP at least you're on good terms with your boss. So he's kind of a douche... he's the boss, it's one of his perks.

Quite frankly unless you're good enough at what you do to get a better job, stop complaining.

Eyeliner_fml | 0

#1046141 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:54

23- Did that happen to you ?

seanreddog | 4

#1046248 - Sunday 27 June 2010 19:42

It happened to me

myworld99 | 0

#1046323 - Sunday 27 June 2010 21:10

fun boss! :)

arhanes | 0

#1046355 - Sunday 27 June 2010 21:56

HAHAHA! that is awesome. you should take your boss to lunch tomorrow

bcoolplz | 1

#1046857 - Monday 28 June 2010 8:14

hilarious he got style

TaylorDev | 0

#1046987 - Monday 28 June 2010 14:53

LIKE A BOSSSS CHUNEEE

By HeyMina | 0

#1046024 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:07

Wow. Asshole much?

Massdebater | 1

#1046165 - Sunday 27 June 2010 18:42

wow. make sense less much, much? much?

HeyMina | 0

#1050637 - Wednesday 30 June 2010 22:46

thanks for that, jerk. very nice.

By GooseHawk | 0

#1046026 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:08

"Yeah you're clear," BANG. Hahahahaha.

HeyMina | 0

#1046032 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:09

^ Lmfao! Good one. Made me crack up.

GooseHawk | 0

#1046037 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:11

I try, I try :D. lol. But couldn't you picture that? lol.

HeyMina | 0

#1046047 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:14

Completely:) Genius move, though. I can almost say he was asking for it.

GooseHawk | 0

#1046051 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:17

Hah, maybe that's the boss' way of saying "No, you aren't getting a promotion so quit already."

HeyMina | 0

#1046061 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:21

Aha xD My thoughts: "That's what you get for trying to kiss ass by taking a drive with the boss."

By shepaintsmusic | 6

#1046028 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:09

hahahaaaa well exucse me princess!

HaiToThePeoples | 0

#1046042 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:12

+1!

Zelda, ftw! :3

qyka | 5

#2818589 - Monday 4 July 2011 14:06

haha 11 -1 jkjkjk

By melig1991 | 0

#1046040 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:12

WIN!

By MurderxFace | 1

#1046050 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:16

well played sir. awesome boss

By ArtIsResistance7 | 1

#1046053 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:18

At least he didn't swerve so your head ended up in his lap. That would of been awkward. That would bring new meaning to "sucking up to the boss". Or has it always meant that?