Work: Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me... - FML

By hard_headed - United States

Today, at work, I leaned back in a chair too far, causing me to tip over and smash my head into a wall. If that wasn't enough damage, my boss keeps replaying the security footage to everyone I work with. My head hurts not from the fall, but the loud laughter that keeps coming from inside the office. FML

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Mother of the year

BO Central

The ole answer/forward conundrum

By Anonymous - United States

Today, I discovered that I sometimes talk in my sleep. After spending an amazing, perfectly romantic night with my boyfriend, I woke up to him telling me to leave. I have no idea what I could have said. He still won't talk to me. FML

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By skyphoenix - United States

Today, I went on a trip with some people from work to watch a baseball game. Halfway through the game, one of my managers shook my hand and said "Nice to Meet You." I've been working there for 3 months. FML

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By HR - United States

Today, I had two of my wisdom teeth removed. One side of my face is completely swollen, and the other is normal. I feel like the elephant man. FML

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By rowanjusmc - United States

Today, I got a concussion while teaching a kid how to be a safe and cautious swimmer. FML

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By Acesup111 - United States

Today, I informed my grandparents of my upcoming graduation from college. My grandma looked at me with tears in her eyes, and told me how proud she was that I was able to make it so far in spite of being autistic. I am not, nor have I ever been autistic. FML

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By weezer - United States

Today, my boyfriend walked in on me in the bathroom. That's how he found out that I wax my nipples. FML

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By pikapikafuckyou! - 19/7/2020 08:01

Fucknut

Today, my overly religious fucknut of a cousin called me, ranting about my daughter trying to corrupt hers. They were chatting on a kids' messenger app when my 5-year-old sent her 7-year-old a Pokémon sticker. Apparently, Pokémon in satanic and we ought to know better. Now she won’t let them talk to us. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I was talking to my crush on MSN. She was telling me how her friend had passed away recently. I had two chats open and accidentally replied, "That's hilarious." FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Oakland

Today, I saw my cat playing with one of his many toy mice. Knowing he likes to play fetch, I picked it up and threw it across the room. Upon trying to pick it up a second time, I realized that not only was it not a toy, but it was only half-dead. FML

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By JohhnyKeroscene - United States

Today, while helping my mom to cook, I was reminded that when the fire alarm goes off in our house, dinner is ready. FML

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By hobo no-no - 10/11/2020 08:00 - United States

Broke

Today, I saw my ex asking for change outside a store. I was so shocked and sad to see him in such a position, I offered to take him home with me, let him shower and cook him a good meal. He laughed in my face and said, "Nah, I just do this for some quick bucks. It’s easier than working." FML

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By fuck kids - United States - Binghamton

Today, I went to a water park with a group of friends. As I went down the water slide, some complete turd waffle of a kid in the water kicked his leg out in line with my crotch. The moment I hit the bottom was the moment I think I became sterile. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Eureka

Today, I moved into my new apartment complex. I left some items including a cherished painting my best friend made for me outside the front door while I moved furniture into my bedroom. When I went back outside, someone had kicked a huge hole in the painting. Welcome to the neighborhood. FML

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By purpleivy - United States

Today, after a conference with my teacher who had previously accused me of not doing my homework, she finally discovered she'd been losing it all this time. I've been getting straight Fs for a month. FML

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By goodlkjh - South Africa

Today, my mom decided it was a good idea to put a camera in my room so I could be watched at all times, to make sure I'm behaving. I'm 14. FML

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By lorahayes - United Kingdom

Today, I was on the train listening to my iPod on shuffle. The "Oompa Loompa" song came on, and slightly amused, I started humming it. It wasn't until I noticed that the man next to me was a midget that I understood the horrified looks I was getting. FML

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By Anon - United States - Twinsburg

Today, I got so used to using this FML app while going to the bathroom that when I opened it, I accidentally peed a little. FML

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By tee - United States - Kansas City

Today, I found out people are suspicious of me at work because I do a good job. FML

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By btg - United States

Today, I found out that my girlfriend feeds her boogers to our dog. Sometimes she even makes her do tricks for them. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my mother came into my room and had a thirty minute long conversation with me. She kept looking very nervous and uncomfortable. Only after she left did I realize that a porn site was open on my computer screen. The entire time. FML

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By Anonymous - Czech Republic

Today, I was sitting at my favorite coffee shop, when a creepy 50-ish looking guy sat at my table. He asked if I'm into submissive guys, and if I wanted to dominate him. I'm a 17-year-old girl, and am now scared to ever go back there. FML

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By LockandKey - United States

Today, everyone at school was talking about some guy that did another girl while he was going out with someone. I started to spread the rumor myself, until someone told me that that guy was my boyfriend. The other girl was my best friend. FML

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By

Today I got back to my hotel at the same time as my supervisor and realized we had rooms right next to each other. I thought it was funny and said bye to him...only to remember that I had slept with HIS boss last night. We were not quiet. FML

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By emeraldapostle

Today, my grandfather scolded me for not wanting to go to my 12-year-old cousin's basketball game. This is the same grandfather that refused to go to my high school graduation. FML

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By toadface - United States

Today, I took my puppy outside to play. At one point, she stopped chewing on her toy and ran over to give me a big kiss all over my face and mouth. A few minutes later I realized that her chew toy was actually the dried up carcass of a toad. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Los Angeles

Today, my social anxiety got so bad that my 12 yr old daughter had to get in the driver's seat to order from the drive-thru. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I took my Spanish test, and I felt very confident. I got the test back later, and saw my teacher had written on it: "Congrats on the 94%, but I know you cheated." FML

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By Anonymous

Today, my husband hooked up with his classmate in the school I talked him into going to. I helped him pass classes to get there. FML

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By Jex - United Kingdom - London

Today, I wanted to surprise my long distance girlfriend by flying to her unannounced. When I arrived at her house, her family tells me that she herself boarded an unannounced flight to where I lived hours ago. Surprise. FML

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By mykodu - Canada - Toronto

Today, my little sister had her second son. She is 31 and she named her sons after her favorite television characters, Sam and Dean Winchester. She has made it her life goal to make sure her husband never finds out. FML

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By Deaf - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was sent to the principal's office because I refused to take my earbuds out. Those "earbuds" are my hearing aids. FML

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By please knock - United States - Needham

Today, I went in the one-person bathroom at work to pee. Next thing I know, a woman forced the locked door open and walked in on me, because she didn't believe another person who said, "I think someone is in there." I'm reluctant to use that bathroom in the future. FML

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By hairybetty - United States

Today, I shaved my legs and armpits for the first time in 6 weeks. Unfortunately, I didn't have a hot date, I just had my yearly gyno exam. FML

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By innocent - Australia

Today, I was at my girlfriend's house, and she was tickling me. It got a bit rough, and she fell out of bed and hit the floor. Her parents, thinking we'd been fighting, burst into the room to see her holding her bloody nose. She didn't say anything while her dad kicked my ass. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I went to the doctor and found out that I am infertile. When I called my boyfriend of 2 years (whom I was hoping to have a future with) to talk to him about it, all he said was "So does this mean I don't have to wear a condom anymore?" FML

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By Leash - United States

Today, I was walking down the street in downtown Charleston where there are a lot of horse-drawn carriage tours and I decided to pick up some litter. Some of it was in a puddle of water, but after I picked up the trash, I realized the puddle was horse urine. FML

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By bellaskyeb - United States

Today, I had to bail my drunk husband out of jail after he and his best friend tried to steal a police horse from an officer. FML

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By RuasaLove - United States - Pleasantville

Today, I was doing laundry while my boyfriend was sitting at the table playing on his phone. I glanced over and caught him watching my ass as I put clothes in the dryer. Trying to be sexy, I looked at him as I slowly bent over to put more clothes in. Instead, I hit my head hard on the dryer door. FML

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By sadsexer23 - United States

Today, I took my girlfriends virginity and had given it my all. When I had finished, sweating and tired, I looked down at her and smiled, obviously pleased with myself. She looked up at me and said, "Wait, was that it?" FML

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By blushingbride - United States - Alpharetta

Today, my husband decided to pick his nose out before he would kiss me. FML

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Top comments

By Isamermaid | 17

#1383656 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:07

I hate people who try to chair surf. Didn't you learn to keep your chair on the floor in like, first grade?

By r6_fml | 4

#1383717 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:12

I hate people who hate people who chair surf

COMMENTS

By Isamermaid | 17

#1383656 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:07

I hate people who try to chair surf. Didn't you learn to keep your chair on the floor in like, first grade?

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#1383742 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:16

Your boss is so kind! Oh, and the politeness itself.

Reply

allenrotstein | 0

#1383922 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:55

C'mon, it's fun to laugh at yourself sometimes..! lighten up!

Reply

Tasanasanta | 0

#1383953 - Friday 10 September 2010 20:10

Everytime I *insert reatarded act of stupidity*, I laugh my ass off with my friends, a fail is funny whether it be you or some one else :D

Reply

BallinJ | 0

#1384109 - Friday 10 September 2010 20:55

your boss is full of win

Reply

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1384121 - Friday 10 September 2010 20:58

OP, is your terrible grammar a side effect of this situation? I hope so.

Reply

UpYoursInAdvance | 0

#1384130 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:00

Where exactly do you see errors... nd yea I'm serious....

Reply

ninomunoz | 0

#1384252 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:33

I believe 'to far' should be 'too far.' But I'm not sure whether that's an error in grammar or spelling.

Reply

davekron | 0

#1384260 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:36

People on le intrnanets are way to illeterate.

Reply

KingDingALing | 9

#1384310 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:48

Just like 49

Reply

NavyguyWTF | 0

#1384603 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:25

Exactly. YDI for not listening to your teacher as a kid. And stop whining, everyone does something stupid every now and then. You just have to laugh along.

Reply

FunnyWeasel | 7

#1385007 - Saturday 11 September 2010 1:14

great job, you have become the ass of the jokes at the office. "Johnson, be careful you may not want to lean on your chair, if you think i'm joking, take a look at this video the boss put up on Youtube,"

Reply

panchod1234 | 0

#1386601 - Saturday 11 September 2010 8:57

u sexy

Reply

qwaxalot | 0

#1386623 - Saturday 11 September 2010 9:08

WTF u don't look 20

Reply

barbara_jude_wee_fml | 0

#1388175 - Saturday 11 September 2010 18:00

didn't your teachers tell you NOT to do that in 1-6th grade????

Reply

omfgrofl1337 | 0

#1396024 - Monday 13 September 2010 3:37

OP fixed all the grammar for whoever responded to my post.

Reply

babeeee13 | 0

#1409713 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 19:45

# 1 everyone does it.

By JZhang91 | 0

#1383658 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:07

nice one dumbass

By MissMel_xo | 0

#1383667 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:08

good job retard.

Reply

banananut | 0

#1384267 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:39

3, all your comments are always so mean. lighten up.

Reply

lmaourlifeismess | 0

#1384552 - Friday 10 September 2010 23:01

she's just mad bc she's the retard

Reply

babeeee13 | 0

#1409722 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 19:47

jealousy gets you nowhere #3
just because you aren't that popular.
(:

Reply

babeeee13 | 0

#1409733 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 19:49

jealous gets you nowhere number 3.
you're just mad you're not that popular.

anti flood sucks assss major.

By krushr | 3

#1383669 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:08

Now that's comedy!

By amerwin | 3

#1383692 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:10

They're laughing with you not at you.. nahh who am I kidding. Next time keep 6 legs on the floor at all times. haha

By TotalPandamonium | 2

#1383698 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:11

I have to say you definitely have this one coming, genius.

By hellyeahmirjam | 2

#1383712 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:12

yeah not very smart..

By r6_fml | 4

#1383717 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:12

I hate people who hate people who chair surf

Reply

mona_is_here | 10

#1383823 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:28

I second that :D

Reply

nickwest | 0

#1384449 - Friday 10 September 2010 22:27

I motion it.

Reply

babeeee13 | 0

#1409751 - Wednesday 15 September 2010 19:51

I agree. chair surfing the shitttt

By juilly_fml | 3

#1383746 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:16

classic! YDI for being a prat though! :)

By heyjenn | 0

#1383752 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:17

Miley smash!

Reply

heyjenn | 0

#1383883 - Friday 10 September 2010 19:40

family guy?

Reply

befml | 7

#1384222 - Friday 10 September 2010 21:26

Is it?