Miscellaneous: Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated,...

By Gary - Canada

Today, I was walking next to this building that was getting renovated, and read a sign that said "Watch out for falling debris at all times." While I was watching out for debris, I fell down a staircase. FML

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Miscellaneous

Out of it

Sorry…

Bustin' my ass

By wmhh26

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I've been "spending too much time at the bar." I've been sober for 2 years. FML

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By beep_guacamole - United States

Today, I went to the laundromat. I put a load in the dryer and walked away to check on my other load. When I came back, I saw a homeless man putting his dirty, wet underwear in the dryer with my clean clothes. FML

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By eyebags - United States - Charlottesville

Today, my roommate observed that if my eyes were turned upside down, they would look the same - and proved it with Photoshop. After a bit of thought, she decided that it's because the bags under my eyes are dark enough to look like eyelids. FML

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By EdibleCape - 28/5/2020 23:00

Nerves of steel

Today, I went out with my best girl friend to spice up my wardrobe. I recently broken up with my girlfriend, who was constantly flip-flopping from being in love with me to being apathetic towards me. After having a great day, on the way home my ex pulled up next to our car and I had a panic attack. FML

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By nocanhaz - United States

Today, I went to a job interview. The person giving me my interview was late, and while waiting for them I fell asleep. When they arrived, they didn't even bother interviewing me because they thought I was irresponsible since I fell asleep because they were late. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Santa Cruz

Today, I've been using a clay pad to warm up my stiff neck muscles. I put it in the microwave as instructed on the box, just as I've been doing for weeks. This time, the bag exploded, splattering sticky clay. Now my neck is even more sore from reaching inside to clean the microwave. FML

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By Theo - United States

Today, I came home to find my room completely torn apart. My mom and dad start yelling at me asking me why I am doing drugs because she found a tiny baggie on the floor. It was the little bag that spare buttons come in when you buy a dress shirt. FML

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By NickC - Malaysia

Today, my girlfriend's parents wanted to cook dinner for me. After a whole day of cooking up a storm, her parents cooked an elaborate meal of roast lamb, pork chops and grilled chicken. Rejecting a meal is like spitting in ones face in Chinese culture. I'm vegetarian. FML

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By Xandriajoy10 - Australia

Today, my 5 year-old informed me she likes her "other mummy" more and wants to live with her instead. I need to have a long conversation with my husband. FML

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By interphaseprophasemetaphase - Australia - Melbourne

Today, I took my laptop to I.T. to fix my internet. Only after I left did I realise my memory technique for remembering the stages of mitosis (Iraqi penis man anally transmits chlamydia) was left as a sticky note on my desktop. The guy definitely noticed. FML

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By mammamia - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my house was broken into. I'm really poor and don't have a television or nice clothing, so they just dumped my trash all over the house and stole my one loaf of bread that was supposed to last me for the week. FML

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By runfattyrun - Australia - Abbotsford

Today, I got a gym membership for Christmas, from 3 different people. I think my family's trying to tell me something. FML

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By Shameful - United States

Today, my school's 6'2, 270-pound, 375-pound bench-pressing football superstar knocked me unconscious in one hit. With a dodgeball. FML

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By noonotme - United States

Today, my father told me to stop purposely singing out of tune because it was annoying. I wasn't doing it on purpose; it's my real voice. FML

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By pipers - United States - Northfield

Today, I spent several hundred dollars having our pipes and septic system fixed. Tonight, I watched my husband pour about a half-liter of bacon grease into the sink. Better keep the septic guy on speed dial. FML

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By JudasThePriest - United States - Greensboro

Today, while delivering pizzas, someone ordered $19.41 in pizza and wings. After finally finding her appartment, she paid me in two sandwich bags full of pennies and nickels. I had to count them out before giving her the pizza. We aren't allowed to enter the residence, and it was 22 degrees. FML

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By wth? - United Kingdom - Rotherham

Today, my cousin started sending sarcastic love messages to me. I replied, with even cheesier lines. Then she rang me saying she was so glad I felt the same way. Turns out she wasn't being sarcastic. FML

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By jobless

Today, I had my first interview after weeks of applying everywhere, but I got turned away for being "inappropriately dressed" for the interview. I was wearing the smartest clothes I own. FML

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By Anonymous

Today, I ate dinner sitting on the floor. My petty roommate got pissed off during the weekend and decided the appropriate action would be to lock all the furniture in her room and refuse to give it back. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I asked my boyfriend if I could call him "love muffin". He asked if he could call me "muffin top". FML

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By hard work doesn't work - United States - Irving

Too good

Today, I found out that the reason I didn't get the job that I have been working my butt off for over a year for is because they can't find anybody who can do my current job as good as me. I'm too good to be promoted. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I found out that the loving nickname my Chinese mother has been calling me my entire life essentially translates to "little retard". FML

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By Medfail - United Kingdom - Bath

Today, at the age of 27, I learnt that your tonsils aren't the dangly bit at the back of your throat. I work in healthcare. FML

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By thatshelpful - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Iowa Park

Today, I got mugged by a fake hooker. FML

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By blahblahblah - 15/4/2020 20:00

Heart of Glass

Today, I was sitting on a stool by the stove while my dad was making stir-fry. The glass lid he had covering the skillet overheated and exploded. As huge shards of broken glass rained down on his only daughter's head, my dad's only concern was whether or not he would have to throw his food away. FML

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By tooembarassed - United States

Today, I got a date for Valentine's Day. The date is with my orthodontist; he's going to tighten my braces. FML

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By RobinBunny713 - United States

The Force

Today, my boyfriend and I were having a romantic moment when I made a Star Wars reference. I don't know what's worse, the fact that I said it or the fact that he seemed more turned on by it. FML

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By Anonymous

Phones, how do they work?!

Today, a voicemail suddenly appeared in my messages. Last week I missed a call from an Unknown, no number was listed. Turns out they wanted to arrange an interview for a job I really wanted, they left a number in the voicemail telling me to call them back that day if I was interested. FML

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By Neurocardiogenic Syncope - Canada

Today, I have a heart condition that causes migraines and fainting, so I take salt tablets to stop the fainting. The migraines can lead to a stroke, so I have medication for them. The medication has a side effect: fainting. And to avoid migraines, I should avoid salt. FML

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, my once-alcoholic mom told me that she would sell me for a shot of vodka. FML

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By Anonymous - 15/5/2020 02:00

Impatience

Today, my dad asked me to help him buy a laptop by searching online. He explicitly said, "When you have time." I decided to shower as I had just woken up. While showering, I was startled by loud banging and my dad angrily asking why I wasn't looking for his laptop. FML

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By tony456 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I were making out while she was laying on me. Her little brother walked in, saw us and yelled, "Mom they're swallowing each other!" FML

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By katrina2d - United States - Vancouver

Today, my dad and I were having a conversation about boneless chicken. He told me that they are raised boneless, going into detail, and I bought every word of it. Not until he started laughing did I realize how gullible I really am. I'm 22. FML

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By Anonymous - United States - Hudsonville

Today, my dad thought it was perfectly acceptable to ask my girlfriend how many guys she screwed before me. FML

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By themonkeyman - United States

Today, I started my job as a waiter. I was excited when my first customer paid for the bill. I go over to the table, half-expecting a tip. I got to the table and no money was on the table. On the bottom receipt was written: "Ever heard of deodorant?" Apparently I smell bad. Thanks for the tip. FML

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By dulllife - United States

Today, I noticed we had gotten new colored toothpicks at the restaurant I work at. That was the highlight of my day. Apparently my life has gotten so boring I get excited over colored toothpicks. FML

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By Username - United States

Today, I got an anonymous letter, stating my condo's community and all my neighbors can hear me having sex. Not only that, but kids gather around my window to listen. FML

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By Anonymos_fmler - United States - Franklin Park

Today, I was shopping when a woman stopped me and asked me what lipgloss I was wearing because my lips looked gorgeous. I had to explain to her it was just the grease from the Slim Jim I had just eaten. FML

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Top comments

By Boondocks | 0

#1045931 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:12

Way to observe your environment. Nice.

By technicolorRAWR | 0

#1045939 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:38

wow. your seriously going to call him a dumbass because he fell down stairs. I fall down stairs, doesn't mean I'm dumb. and I'm sure you all will not be paying attention someday and fall down a flight of stairs. and I hope you post it as an fml so I could call you a dumbass

COMMENTS

By horcrux | 6

#1045930 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:10

Fail.

andruha1123 | 5

#1045934 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:18

you fail

SOTYsNumber1Fan | 0

#1045936 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:29

sue?

deliciouscake | 3

#1045944 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:45

Vision.

You do not has it.

SlipKnoT_Fukk | 0

#1045957 - Sunday 27 June 2010 13:22

lol pay attention to where your walking :p

teresa_009 | 0

#1045966 - Sunday 27 June 2010 13:39

lol you're not supposed to stare up constantly :L

Blame_The_Dog | 0

#1045983 - Sunday 27 June 2010 14:13

he can't sue because there was a sign warning him, typical kid thinking suing is the easy way out -_-

Kiill3rQu33n16 | 0

#1045995 - Sunday 27 June 2010 14:58

ydi for being a clumsy bitch.

this is a major fail. :P

HeyMina | 0

#1046012 - Sunday 27 June 2010 15:51

A catastrophic fail.
Sounds like something I would do. >:(

Gofrieddough12 | 5

#1046064 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:26

u idiot!! u fail at life no matter wat u do!

redheadregect | 0

#1046083 - Sunday 27 June 2010 16:41

dumbass op. were r all the good fmls?

dudemanfyl | 0

#1046113 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:08

absolute fail mabie you should have looked down occasionally YDI

beetman5 | 4

#1046114 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:11

his name is Gary, how is he a bitch?

junkboy | 4

#1046122 - Sunday 27 June 2010 17:29

I modded this one!

dont_be_that_guy_fml | 0

#1046257 - Sunday 27 June 2010 19:49

I'd suggest an elevator next time. Just don't fall down the shaft.

iitzRez | 0

#1046482 - Sunday 27 June 2010 23:42

haha ii was high when ii read this and ii laughed my ass off.. niCe o.O

triple_double | 1

#1047211 - Monday 28 June 2010 18:27

guess who's the falling debris?

By Boondocks | 0

#1045931 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:12

Way to observe your environment. Nice.

DamnDatFML | 0

#1045965 - Sunday 27 June 2010 13:38

Yo! You gotta ciggawette?

haha Boondocks is Awesome!

By FFML_314 | 11

#1045932 - Sunday 27 June 2010 12:13

I am famous for falling down stairs and destroying laundry baskets lol!

Ragnir | 0

#1045951 - Sunday 27 June 2010 13:03

I can understand falling down the stairs because it happens, but destroying laundry baskets? What do you do fall down stairs with laundry basket in hand or something crazy? Haha.. OP, I want to buy you a helmet and write on back of it, "warning, beware of human avalanche"

technicolorRAWR | 0

#1045954 - Sunday 27 June 2010 13:17

she probably just meant that she fell down the stairs onto a laundry basket. since I'm sure it doesn't happen to often she probably jokes that she is famous for it. the helmet would be funny.