Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
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Top comments
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Oh shit! This is giving me the ******* shudders....
downtime 13
You opened your eyes before you counted to 20 AND you can't even find him? I wouldn't be surprised if he just left, you're the worst hide and seek player ever.
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Comments (228)
ilovenotyou 0
It's time to move OP..
Debbyx110 5
Spiders can hop now? Shit, we're all screwed when they learn to fly!
soccerchicx9x 5
They're called sprickets! I'm not joking. I get them in the basement of my house. They're a combination of a spider and a cricket, which makes them super nasty and doubly scary.
greeneye_fml 12
I have some in my garage. They look scary as hell, but they don't bite.
ruthi666 23
They're called jumping spiders...
DogsPaw 16
It's on your back... At least that's where it always is on T.V.
sexygurllolz 1
stop being a pussy, it's more scared of you
DogsPaw 16
I have always laughed at that "It's more afraid of you"... You are so scared you want it dead, so that means it wants you dead even more.
tellithowitis 13
I didn't realize you were a spider and knew its feelings... Very interesting...
Michael_92 20
Are you the one, the one they call "spider whisperer?"
MigraineurOfLife 15
You do know that there are aggressive spiders that are very territorial & will come at you in a sec.... Oh never mind, you said they are more scared of you, so 'no worries'.
MerrikBarbarian 9
22- thank you. That comment just made my day. I'm totally going to steal that next time someone mocks me for spazzing out at a millipede. :p
aleeshttylXD 9
well, coming from a girl im kinda scared of...
KunoKanashimi 3
I'm so scared of spiders that'd I'd probably end up burning my house down because of one. If it's fear of me is worse than that....God save our souls.
tony1891 22
it's in your bed. quick. get it. before it gets you
Spicemelon 5
Now I'm not going to be able to sleep without thinking there are spiders all over me....or in my bed!
thatKidzmOm 10
I check under my blankets and pillows every night before crawling into bed! Ive got a serious phobia.
TheDoctor101 6
Oh My God, keep your eyes open! The spider could be lurking any where. Spiders SUCK!! >.
llamafish 25
*spider crawls onto eyes* Have fun with that.
reddudeover 2
I know if I just say "eww I hate spider"s I'll get thumbed down, but no words can properly imbue the proper level of malice that I hold for these creatures! Safe to say that if I were you I would have dropped a tactical nuke on my bedroom just to be safe!
Rowdey 10
Not very tactical at that point..
Attica 20
Time to sleep on the couch!!!
littlemsweirdo 12
Are you bugged? Yeah I'm bad at puns. Let's forget that. But that is scary as shit! I would be hella paranoid. Sleep with a bat tonight, haha.
Michaelsgirl04 9
don't...just don't. if you suck at puns then don't post one in an attempt to be cute. also, no one says hella anymore
dethbunny 0
Worst part of your pun is that spiders are not bugs, their Arachnids.
llamafish 25
97 - Whose arachnids did you say they were?
egc573 40
Ugh, at that size, you can probably hear it make noises, too. Shit, as big as your PALM? I usually don't mind household spiders all that much, but that crap's got to be taken care of. Good luck!