Today, when I was laying in my bed, I looked on the opposite side and saw a spider the size of my palm staring at me. And if that wasn't bad, I found out it hops. I still can't find it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I saw a huge wolf spider in my room. It ran off and hid before I could kill it, but after two hours looking for it then giving up, I finally found it, with my foot, as I put on my shoes. FML
Today, a spider crawled across my arm. After a quick dance in a fit of panic, I managed to scramble onto my bed. I thought I would stand up to see if I could spot the spider and maybe kill it. I was then promptly knocked unconscious by my ceiling fan. FML
Today, I found a big spider on my wall. I have arachnophobia, and I was trying to kill it with my shoe. I pulled back and hit myself in the face, causing me to fall backwards. The spider is still alive somewhere in my house. FML
Today, I woke up and found a small leg of what used to belong to a spider on the corner of my mouth. FML
Today, I spotted a huge spider in my bedroom. I freaked out at first, but I managed to confront my arachnophobia and killed it with a book. I was ecstatic and went to tell my boyfriend. By the time I returned to my room, the "dead" spider had vanished. Now I'm too scared to sleep. FML
Today, I saw a spider in my room. I got a piece of paper to try and put it outside. As I reached, it jumped out of nowhere and landed on my face. My reaction was to smack where the spider was - my face. I fell on the floor disoriented. The spider got away. FML
Today, I woke up to a spider crawling across my face. I was so shocked that my new house had spiders, I jumped up out of bed, only to slip on the floor and land face down onto the bed. Wouldn't you know it, right where the spider was at that point. I can still taste the juice I squished out of it. FML
Today, I'm scared to leave my bedroom. During the night, what must have been a giant spider made a web 4 feet wide stretching from the lightbulb to the tv and then down to the desk corner. It's blocking my path to the door and I can't tell where the 8-legged bastard is hiding. FML
Today, while I was working from home on my laptop and had my feet up on the coffee table, I felt something on my foot. I looked down to see a spider the size of a quarter on top of my bare foot. It started doing something so I froze, hoping it wouldn't bite me. Instead, it anchored the start of its web to my skin. FML
Today, I woke up to a huge, disgusting bug next to my bed. As I tried to squish it, it suddenly flew off at high speed. Now I'm lying in bed, awake and terrified because I can hear it buzzing around but can't see it anywhere. FML
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Top comments
AwkwardPartyBear 24
Oh shit! This is giving me the ******* shudders....
downtime 13
You opened your eyes before you counted to 20 AND you can't even find him? I wouldn't be surprised if he just left, you're the worst hide and seek player ever.
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Comments (228)
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I seriously hope you have very small ******* palms. If not, count yourself lucky that you didnt have a heart attack, like i would have.
Fhuckass 5
if i see a daddy long leg im parinoind for a week if i saw that i would litteraly move out of the house
akiahara 14
this is terrifying. yep. I have goosebumps for you. sleep on the couch.
IdfkMyUsernamexC 5
At this point I don't think the couch is safer than the bed.
Emerald_86 0
Ahhhh! ..your mission is to find that ****** and kill it! Killll ittt!.
mckibabe 7
Why would you write this? I was going to go to bed, but I don't think that's happening anytime soon.
liscentious23 1
Arachnophobia much? I used to catch a lot of insects when I was younger, including spiders
liscentious23 1
Now where did I explicitly or implicitly say that spiders were more afraid of me?
Blueglasscup 18
Arachnophobia ******* sucks. The first time I saw a massive spider I was 9... Nothing could have prepared me for the fear that I felt next.
Senseless_487 29
Yeah, I'd be moving out of that house. I don't even like small spiders, so if I saw one that big, I'd be freaking the **** out!
FMLnoFMD 5
It's the size of your palm and you still couldn't find it. WOW!
padlarf 14
I'm pretty sure spiders that size don't hop. So that leaves 3 options. 1. The spider was smaller than OP described it to be. 2. OP dreamt the whole thing. 3. MUTATED SPIDERS OHGOD WE'RE GONNA DIE OH GOD OH GOD
Raesin 21
The camel spider says hello.
justhanging 6
#42 I think you mean camel cricket. Camel spiders mostly live in the desert.
tencentsakiss 19
I 100% agree. OP lives in Maryland. The only indigenous spiders we have that could be palm sized are female black and yellow argiopes (orb weavers). They aren't going to be hopping, and they prefer the outdoors, so they probably wouldn't be wandering into people's beds. OP probably dreamed it.
tencentsakiss 19
Spider crickets/sprickets would look like a spider however, and they have very long legs and are good hoppers. They are harmless though if it helps.
tencentsakiss 19
Spider crickets are also called sprickets, cave crickets, and camel crickets as 119 said. Not to be confused with camel spiders which live in deserts. Completely different creature.
Voldy_fml 16
I would never come near that bed *shudders* hope you find it OP! Wouldn't want something like that walking around my house if I were you.