Restaurants

Cashflow not flowing

By Zxry123 - 26/01/2023 03:30 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I went to eat at a restaurant in Singapore with a friend of mine. I checked my wallet and I had a bit of cash, so I went in to have a large dinner. The most awkward moment that I had was when I took out my money and realized that it wasn't Singapore dollars. It was all in Malaysian ringgits. FML

I agree, your life sucks 269

You deserved it 663

Drama alert!

By I pray for the meteor - 13/01/2023 12:00

Today, one of the human-shaped piles of shit my restaurant serves found a hair in her food. Normally, these fuckwits piss and moan and demand free food, but this sack of filth turned out to be such a drama queen that she puked all over the table and cried so hard she needed an ambulance. FML

I agree, your life sucks 848

You deserved it 441

Chud's Diner

By Frany - 10/01/2023 22:00

Today, my now-ex boyfriend treated our waitress like shit. She was a young lady who just came from Venezuela and barely spoke English. He gave her no tip, ranted about “fixing this goddamn border problem” along with xenophobic slurs. Apparently, he’d forgotten I’m an immigrant too, from Colombia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 273

You deserved it 128

Troublemaker

By Straw man - 31/10/2022 06:00

Today, while I was at a restaurant, my drink had a straw that made a very obnoxious sound whenever I drank from it. Everyone near me was giving disapproving looks. I wasn't doing it on purpose, but they weren't buying it. Even after I got a new straw that didn't make an annoying sound, they still didn't believe me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 645

You deserved it 152

Halloween tomorrow, kids!

By Nickeleye - 30/10/2022 15:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I had lunch with my ex. A lady sat down behind her facing me. No eyeballs, no eyelids, just deep flesh tunnels into her head. I was traumatised and stopped eating and talking. I couldn’t say anything, as I imagined no eyes means better hearing. My ex said I was being rude and hasn’t talked to me since. FML

I agree, your life sucks 690

You deserved it 384

Fine dining and ball pits don't mix

By Anonymous - 13/10/2022 16:00

Today, a nasty brat at the restaurant finally tripped up while running around uncontrollably, and hurt himself. I commented to my wife that "karma finally struck." The brat's mom heard me and threw my keys into the kids' ball pit. It’s been over an hour and even the bar staff can’t find my damn keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 124

You deserved it 570

Drama Llama

By are you fucking kidding me! - 18/08/2022 18:00

Today, I got guilt-tripped into going to eat with my parents and sister. My sister bit into a spicy pepper instead of a mild one, and thought the perfect response would be to shriek, moan, cry, and throw herself to the floor gagging. No she’s not allergic, she’s just a drama queen fishing for a free meal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 891

You deserved it 108

Treat yourself

By PoorAndHungry - 10/07/2022 18:00

Today, strapped for money, I asked one of my good friends to loan me some. She said no, because she’s broke herself. I later see her checked in on NOBU, a high class, expensive restaurant, on Facebook and she’d bought a new designer purse and shoes with the hashtag #TreatYourself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 495

You deserved it 1 759

Tasty

By anon - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was eating at a diner one of my friends from work recommended to me. I ordered a chicken salad sandwich, which was pretty good despite the used Band-Aid in it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 479

You deserved it 1 406

Sneaky

By SickofThisbs - 06/06/2022 18:00

Today, I was serving a rude and obnoxious couple at a restaurant. They made outrageous demands, then they got up and snuck out while I wasn’t looking. They were kind enough to leave a “tip” on the receipt they hadn’t paid for, saying, “Maybe if you lost weight you’d be fast enough to catch us!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 180

You deserved it 97

Picky eater

By Anonymous - 04/06/2022 22:00

Today, my family are refusing to go out to eat with me anymore. Apparently, me liking my food cooked a certain way infuriates them because it delays our order, and makes the wait staff hate us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 321

You deserved it 1 319

Putting people off their food

By Anonymous - 03/06/2022 18:00

Today, in a restaurant, staff asked me to fix my skirt because multiple customers complained my buttcrack was putting them off their food. I thought the waiter was using fake complaints to justify his rudeness, but when I got up to fix it fully, half the restaurant applauded me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 310

You deserved it 1 923

Tipping point

By stupid - 28/05/2022 06:00

Today, after eating out, my mother asked me to figure out 20 percent of the bill whilst staring daggers at me. I have never been good at math under pressure and especially not percentages, so I told her as such. She called me a complete idiot, to which my father simply said, “I agree.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 268

You deserved it 380

I can't win

By Benjamin - 20/05/2022 00:00

Today, if I try to hurry my wife out of the house before she's ready, she yells at me and we end up not going out, and yet if I leave her to get ready for as long as she needs we are ALWAYS late for our reservation, so we lose the table and she yells at me for not telling her how late we are. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 422

You deserved it 172

Not helping

By Anonymous - 19/05/2022 14:00

Today, I wanted to be alone for once, so I went out for dinner, planning to go to the cinema afterwards. My sister ambushed me at the restaurant because she’d heard I was stressed out and wanted to be alone, so she thought she should keep me company while I was alone to make me feel better. FML

I agree, your life sucks 974

You deserved it 107

Agoraphobic

By jaya - 03/05/2022 12:00

Today, I attempted to conquer my fear of eating out. The very first thing I saw as soon as I got to the restaurant? An unconscious guy getting taken away by paramedics. I turned around and went straight home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 883

You deserved it 166

Favoritism

By Anonymous - 27/04/2022 16:00

Today, my older sister dragged us to a restaurant that charged us $80 a piece for 8 mouthfuls of food. She does this all the time. When our youngest sister defended her, it removed all doubt that our parents still pay her bills. FML

I agree, your life sucks 806

You deserved it 125

Fighting talk

By Anonymous - 23/04/2022 18:00

Today, I went out with my girlfriend to a restaurant. After parking up next to a badly parked Audi, I commented, “Typical shit parking by an Audi driver.” Unbeknownst to me, the owner was walking to his car at the exact same moment. FML

I agree, your life sucks 362

You deserved it 823

Restraining order time

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 16:00

Today, my abusive ex-boyfriend yet again decided to eat at the restaurant I work at. It’s traumatizing to me, and I think that’s why he does it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 163

You deserved it 110

Sudden dip

By Anonymous - 17/03/2022 17:00 - Canada

Today, my boyfriend and I were out for dinner. We were talking over the noise of the restaurant, when suddenly it got quiet as he shouted, “I can’t wait to fuck you!” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 107

You deserved it 303

Today, on Asshat Customers…

By Anna - 03/03/2022 03:59

Today, I waited on a party of 8. They were a bunch of obnoxious 20-something year-olds. Not only did they cause a commotion, they left the table a mess. I even found an open condom on the table. Gross. And you probably guessed it: they left no tip. Just a note on the tip line: “Lose weight fatass.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 95

Hair-raising

By what the fuck????? - 17/02/2022 16:01 - United States - Denver

Today, while at a restaurant, I watched in horror as my daughter picked a hair out of her food and continued eating it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 651

You deserved it 232

Fear Factor

By superconfused16 - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while leaving a restaurant, a little boy grabbed onto my leg and screamed, "Mommy! Don't leave me!" Then he looked up at my face, said, "Ewww," and ran away screaming in fear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 638

You deserved it 4 545

Smuckle time

By Anonymous - 26/01/2022 10:59

Today, my husband asked me to meet him at 6 for our date night, but I ended up being 45 minutes late. Turns out he predicted my lateness and had booked the restaurant for 7, not 6. He knows me so well, but sometimes I hate the smug smarmy bellend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 3 718

Slapstick manners

By jake - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, as my girlfriend and I were on a romantic dinner for two, I tried pulling out the chair for her. She fell over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 591

You deserved it 6 382

Sussy Baka

By Yasmine - 24/12/2021 20:01 - United States

Today, my husband and I went out to dinner. I caught him writing down his number for the waitress. When I confronted him, his response was, "What? I'm not allowed to have friends?" and threw a fit over my "irrational paranoia." I had to walk home in the cold, because he kicked me out of the car mid-argument. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 627

You deserved it 194

Nasty

By Anonymous - 26/10/2021 14:00

Today, I had an interview to be a waitress. Afterwards, I had food in the restaurant, which is where I overheard my interviewer tell the manager he wasn’t going to bother hiring “that girl I just interviewed” because "her face is nasty and she’ll put the customers off their food." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 386

You deserved it 92

Clumsy

By evilwater - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I was at a fancy restaurant when I knocked my glass of ice water over. In my attempt to clean it up with a napkin, I knocked a freshly filled cup of coffee all over myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 112

You deserved it 8 470

Class act

By Superfly - 19/07/2021 18:01

Today, my great grandfather got arrested. Why? He is still shell shocked from World War II, so when we went to a hibachi grill, he didn't want any of those, "Damn Japs" to touch his food, and our chef didn't take too kindly to his verbal assault. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 181

You deserved it 463

Neverending story

By Anonymous - 09/07/2021 11:01

Today, it's my birthday. We were supposed to be going to a nice Italian restaurant at 6.30 p.m. Instead, the whole region is going into a snap lockdown from 6 p.m., due to the recent community transmissions of Covid-19. Happy Birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 851

You deserved it 116

Nearly

Today, I realized that as I don’t have Facebook, Twitter, Instagram or any of the other things of the world today, this is my only contact with the world other than work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 21

You deserved it 12

Today, I go back to school after the winter break. I went to bed at a normal time so I wouldn’t fall asleep in class. I woke up at 3 a.m. and I still have to get up at 6. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42

You deserved it 11

Spicy

Today, the colleague who I’ve been secretly fucking told me she was pregnant. She’d lied about being on birth control. She’s mad at me because I told her to get rid of it and is giving me the silent treatment. You know who else is gonna be mad? My wife. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 3 074

Today, my husband threw a tantrum and, in a blind rage, admitted to having an affair with his co-worker. All because the Cowboys are not making it to the SuperBowl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 121

You deserved it 119