Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
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Top comments
DragonDude 24
That was the plan all along. You're just the cat's slave.
odell687 3
I wouldn't share my fort with anyone either.
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Comments (101)
archertheo 15
Maybe you need a password?
Dodge4x4Ram 46
kick that ******* cat across the room
B1ackthesun 31
I'm not a cat fan, but totally disgusted by your comment. Violence towards animals is unacceptable, joke or not this is not cool.
badluckalex 23
this is the funniest FML EVER lollll adding favs forsure. btw I'm sure the cat did out of love :D
dachayke 16
Oh, so that's why my crush pepper sprays me whenever I go anywhere near her! It's because she loves me! Thanks #19, I feel much better now. I'm gonna go tell her I feel the same way.
GiovanniPaisa 8
I say you redeem yourself and bring war to this fort!
junkman6 22
Thanks, now I have an image of a life sized angry bird style launcher and a cat wearing a tin can to survive the bombardment.
buttcramp 21
#31, I like your brain.
cryssycakesx3 22
Siamese definitely have unique personalities. mine would sit on, say, the arm of the couch, when I'd walk by she'd leap onto my back
onlychildFTW 33
I guess only ******* are allowed in that fort.
dachayke 16
I guess that was a really dumb comment.
Epikouros 31
Duh, isn't keeping people out the purpose of a fort? The cat's just gratefully using your gift and happy that you're playing the part of an attacking army.
applebramble 22
I named my cat Queen Elizabeth and she's always loved me since haha I do spoil her . She's never attacked me . I woke up in the middle of the night once and saw her hop into my bed and lied down on my arm . I felt loved (:
elcee1987 18
Hey at least she liked the fort. My dog always preferred hiding behind the couch to any one of his 4 beds or mine.
beaverteaser 16
was he jamming to cat scratch fever?