Miscellaneous: Spooky - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3

You deserved it 0

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 19

You deserved it 2

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 79

You deserved it 715

Spooky

By Scaredwitless - 28/01/2011 04:35

Today, my roommate decided to prank me by leaving a fake suicide note on the bathroom door and lying motionless in a bathtub full of water and red coloring. When I went, horrified, to take a closer look, he lunged at me and screamed. I was so scared I pissed myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 803

You deserved it 5 993

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Bambi 2: Electric Boogaloo

Classic switcheroo

20/09/2016 00:38

Today, I ate out, even though I was tired. When my main course arrived, I realised I had sent both my forks away with the starter plate. Rather than say anything, I ate dinner with two knives. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 794

You deserved it 14 786

Smart

By Anonymous - 16/03/2011 17:20

Today, I went on a date, the first one I've been on since my last boyfriend broke up with me 6 months ago. We were at a restaurant, and at the end of meal he insisted on paying the bill. He wanted to leave a 15% tip but couldn't work out in his head how much to leave. The bill was for £100. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 790

You deserved it 14 637

29/07/2015 14:41

Today, I was relaxing in bed with an arm kind of behind my head, when I noticed a huge spider resting on my armpit. My sister said my screaming sounded like a "witch being burned to death" for all of 5 seconds before I realized the "spider" was just my armpit hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 599

You deserved it 10 722

21/12/2016 22:28

Today, it's 3 days before Christmas and my first day of holidays. Today is also the first day I have been sick all year. Hello tonsillitis, goodbye fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 160

You deserved it 639

02/06/2017 20:00

Today, I used a tanning bed at my local gym for the first time. I went in for the full allowed time of 9 minutes. I went to school after and everybody said I looked like Trump. Confused, I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. My skin is orange and matches with my bleach blonde hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 707

You deserved it 3 871

04/03/2014 13:37

Today, I taught my 12-year-old brothers that showering cannot be used as a substitute for deodorant, and that they should use both. One of them was almost in tears. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 475

You deserved it 4 670

30/04/2013 08:04

Today, I had to be rushed to the hospital when I started sneezing uncontrollably and got a huge rash. It turns out I'm highly allergic to a chemical in most cleaning supplies. Great. I just got a job as a house cleaner for a very rich family. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 304

You deserved it 3 005

02/07/2015 04:16

Today, after replacing several components on my new used car, I realized that the reason it wasn't getting the gas mileage it was supposed to because my coworkers take turns siphoning my gas while I work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 701

You deserved it 1 766

09/12/2014 05:45

Today, I asked my dad why we didn't have any baby pictures. His response was, "They got lost in the flood of '93." I was born in '95. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 273

You deserved it 2 649

15/10/2014 06:27

Today, I woke up to my roommate trying to put a burrito and a pack of mild sauce in between my boobs. He's only lived here for two weeks, and this is the second time I've woken up to him doing something like this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 069

You deserved it 5 290

Overreaction much?

By brokenglass - 24/03/2021 21:30

Today, while bringing my grandmother some water, I tripped, dropping and shattering the glass. Infuriated, she explained to me that the glass was worth more than I am and ordered me out of her house for good. I live there. I was also with her when she bought the glass. $10 for a set of 4. FML

I agree, your life sucks 964

You deserved it 52

07/09/2011 16:57

Spicy

Today, I have my very first gynecologist appointment. I'm 15. My mom wants to "be on the safe side" and make sure I'm not sexually active. This is my punishment for being a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 416

You deserved it 3 512

19/03/2015 14:24

Today, I told my mom I've been having sleep issues and asked if she could take me to the doctor. She decided I just need to read the Bible more. Needless to say, I still can't sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 629

You deserved it 2 534

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 13/06/2021 21:59

Today, my disability job agent, who's supposed to help me find work that fits my limitations, told me to immediately withdraw from a job offer that suited me, because it didn't meet her "benchmark". She then told me that she would decide what's "appropriate" for me, and if I don't comply, my support will be revoked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 020

You deserved it 51

14/11/2016 19:40

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for a girl he met through me. I shouldn't feel bad. Apparently, she's exactly like me, only much prettier. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 059

You deserved it 815

09/12/2012 20:03

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 265

You deserved it 1 846

28/07/2011 04:22

Today, I went to El Pollo Loco for the $10.00 special. I ordered from the pimple-faced kid at the register, pulled out two fives, and he said, "That'll be 9.70, I gave you the senior discount." I'm 10 years away from that. Thank you? FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 033

You deserved it 6 665

Where's my NS10s gone?

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 14:00

Today, I woke up to find my home studio cleared of most of my music gear. Apparently, my brother went on a Tinder date with a stranger late at night, and decided it to bring her to my place's guest room since my house "was closer." I'd been building that studio for over 10 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 206

You deserved it 69

14/02/2013 07:39

Today, while riding the train home, I noticed a man who kept looking at me. Annoyed, I told him to be less obvious and to stop staring. He promptly responded, "Bitch, I'm gay, and even I can tell no one would want to look at you." FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 079

You deserved it 59 251

Thanks, "Mom"

By thafinest - 12/10/2009 23:32

Today, I received a call from a collection agency. Since I had no clue, I was ready to file a police report for stolen identity. I then called my mom only to find out she has been opening new credit cards with my information for 3 years and not paying them. My credit is ruined and I'm only 21. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 534

You deserved it 2 266

08/06/2013 10:34

Spicy

Today, after discovering that our son is already sexually active, I asked my husband to have a talk with him. "Remember, son, it's all about the clit", wasn't what I had in mind. FML

I agree, your life sucks 67 373

You deserved it 15 160

Alas…

By Mum2be - 15/08/2021 04:01

Today, I saved a kitten from the streets, cleaned her up and asked the vet what I should do with her because she was the sweetest thing and my cat has a highly contagious illness. The vet had to put her down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 869

You deserved it 89

Notification sound

By Anonymous - 09/06/2020 02:00

Today, I farted during a Zoom call in front of our client. I thought mic was muted. My Team Lead had lot of things to say to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 080

You deserved it 723

That one friend who changes once they're in a relationship

By Anonymous - 25/06/2021 13:01

Spicy

Today, my best friend and my brother are in love. I've been her friend for 10 years, and she’s an absolutely horny whore. She treats me like shit 25/8 now. If I hadn't become friends with her, they wouldn’t have met. FML

I agree, your life sucks 820

You deserved it 215

05/05/2009 05:43

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to superglue a couple quarters to the sidewalk downtown and watch people try to pick them up. Unfortunately, street patrol was watching me glue everything the whole time. I was fined with public vandalism and defacing US currency. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 517

You deserved it 101 196

Decisions, decisions

By Anonymous - 24/09/2021 11:00

Today, I'm in hell. I'm mentally and physically exhausted, but if I sleep more than 6 hours, I get crippling migraines. FML

I agree, your life sucks 818

You deserved it 58

17/01/2015 18:49

Today, my wife wanted me to take her to a new restaurant in town. When I looked it up and saw their prices, I almost had a heart attack. When I said it was too expensive, she snapped "Maybe you'd like to look up 'Lorena Bobbitt' next?!" We went to the restaurant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 564

You deserved it 6 756

12/03/2011 14:43

Today, I was texting a girl I like. Every message she sent came ten minutes after I sent her a message. When I told her "I've to go", she responded almost instantly with an "Ok, bye". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 186

You deserved it 9 824

05/12/2010 06:35

Today, my boyfriend of two years called me on Skype while he was taking a crap. Think it's a sign that maybe we've been dating for too long. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 194

You deserved it 5 827

28/04/2016 03:58

Today, my fiancé tells me he loves me about 100 times a day. At first it was cute, but now it's getting really annoying. We can't have a conversation without him throwing in about 10 "I love you"s. I'm beginning to not want to talk to him anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 738

You deserved it 3 010

30/01/2009 14:07

Today, I was riding in a carpool when we passed a church that has a shady reputation. I said "man, all those people are being brainwashed, it's a cult". The lady sitting in the back seat behind me says "I'm a member of that church". OOPS. Silence. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 258

You deserved it 28 536

09/12/2012 21:52

Today, I went on a blind date. My date turned out to be very hot, and I had high hopes. That is, until she ran her hand through her hair as she approached, sending some kind of horrifying, miasmic mist of dandruff and dead skin floating through the air behind her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 395

You deserved it 7 759

07/02/2018 15:00

Today, I went and had my first ultrasound done. My husband said he had a meeting at work, and couldn't come. As I was leaving, I saw him at the doctor's office with another heavily pregnant woman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 205

You deserved it 514

22/10/2011 06:10

Today, I was relaxing at home while my boyfriend played with his hamster. After a while of silence, my boyfriend came over and put his fingers next to my face. Trying to be cute, I stuck his fingers in my mouth and sucked on them. Turns out he was trying to show me how bad hamster pee smells. FML

I agree, your life sucks 19 580

You deserved it 53 519

Judge and jury

By ToxicSiren - 06/02/2021 14:01

Today, I posted a picture to Snapchat about being depressed. My close friend, who I share most things with, made fun of my post. That's the last time I share anything with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 731

You deserved it 168

FUPA kings

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 18:00

Today, as I got out of the shower, my young stepson saw me naked. Later, he asked his mom why my "pee pee" is so small when everyone says it is supposed to get bigger when you become an adult. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 144

You deserved it 118

10/12/2016 08:44

Today, I attended a white elephant party at work and the box I picked had whisky and beer. Since I am a Muslim, I took it to my Christian friend's house and gave it to him. As I was walking there, I passed my imam on the street. Awkward. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 690

You deserved it 1 249

07/02/2017 04:00

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend asked me to talk dirty in bed for him, and my brain went blank and I panicked. I couldn't think of what to say so I suddenly blurted out, "Do whatever you want with my body. Treat it like a corpse!" He laughed his head off and I died a little inside. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 843

You deserved it 2 071

03/06/2014 22:51

Today, I got to explain to someone that "enjoying the warm, rich aromas of fecal matter" is not a good subject to use as an ice breaker for making friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 490

You deserved it 4 742

05/04/2017 12:00

Today, I learned that when I start University next month I will have to either pay $900 for an all-access semester-long parking pass, pay $200 for for a bus pass that takes an hour to get to campus, or pay $100 to park outside campus and walk 4 miles to and from class each day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 603

You deserved it 589

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Top comments

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:56

Omg, psycho roommate! So, that's where they got the idea for The Roommate:P

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Friday 28 January 2011 11:44

To catch a sneaky glimpse at his Willy

Comments

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:56

Omg, psycho roommate! So, that's where they got the idea for The Roommate:P

twist_of_fame93 0

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:58

amazing ass prank. i woudlv died of a heartack

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Friday 28 January 2011 10:32

your pic is scary

allmidnighteyes 10

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Friday 28 January 2011 11:37

ass pranks are the best pranks!

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Friday 28 January 2011 12:52

Give your roommate a high five for me for pulling off this amazing prank.

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Friday 28 January 2011 14:50

+1 roommate -9999999999999 OP

hatepineapple 14

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Friday 28 January 2011 16:55

#5, is that an "amazing-ass prank" or "amazing ass-prank"?

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Friday 28 January 2011 17:30

That's fucked up but funny as hell. lol

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Friday 28 January 2011 18:17

I would of punched him straight on the face. then I'd cry but that's just me.

xXxXxMasonxXxXx 7

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Sunday 30 January 2011 3:20

bahahahahaha xDDDD now I wanna see the roommate o_O

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Monday 31 January 2011 8:20

OP, your roommate has a very crude, odd sense of humor....

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Wednesday 23 March 2011 3:33

i beg to differ, they have an awesome personality

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:56

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Friday 28 January 2011 15:16

Hala Madrid puta barca:)

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Friday 28 January 2011 15:40

he could be Muslim but still live in France.

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Friday 28 January 2011 16:09

#85 You are aware someone can be Arabic, or any race/nationality for that matter...and live anywhere in the world, right? It's a pretty amazing concept, I know.

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Friday 28 January 2011 16:47

People r so ignorant...you can be an Arab and not be muslim. Arab=ethnicity Islam=religion my fiancé is a Christian Arab.

KingCeltic77 18

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Thursday 29 March 2012 5:56

I got a classmate who's an Arab Christian.

GoingCommando93 14

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Wednesday 5 December 2012 21:19

I'm confused.... Weren't we talking about OP's roommate and pranks?

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Thursday 19 June 2014 20:17

That's actually a really good idea.

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Monday 26 October 2015 15:18

Are*

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:57

why would you take a closer look?

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:09

to see if he's still breathing or actually dead?

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Friday 28 January 2011 11:44

To catch a sneaky glimpse at his Willy

stephanie911_fml 0

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Friday 28 January 2011 13:12

44-win

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Friday 28 January 2011 15:46

to see if he wants to play xbox, why else would they take a closer look

redfishbluefish2 13

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Friday 1 July 2011 9:27

Why wouldn't you?

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Thursday 20 February 2014 3:13

Lets say you walked into your bathroom to find somebody dead in your bathtub. What's the first thing you'd do?

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:57

LMFAO:D thts a beast prank;))

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Friday 28 January 2011 13:17

^^^win!

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Friday 28 January 2011 14:16

+1!

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Friday 28 January 2011 15:40

HedgehogHead, your pictures kicks major ass!!! :D

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Friday 28 January 2011 8:59

I wonder how long he's been waiting for you in that bathtub... That's just a little creepy and sad.

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Friday 28 January 2011 13:53

I would of initially laughed and seen if there was a reaction and if he didn't move, called the police and fucked with him back.

TenderWhispers 0

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:00

Piss in his cologne, I've heard it's never been done

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:04

7 wasn't that another recent post?

TenderWhispers 0

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:15

ahhh, buddy that's the joke. kinda missed the boat eh?

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Friday 28 January 2011 10:54

fool

Sashadiscovery 0

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Friday 28 January 2011 14:06

hey, it was done already. my dad with his friends piss in cologne of his roommate. Unfortunately roommate never realized it and. used that cologne for another 2.5 month. My dad got to share room with him all this time.

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:01

Wow thats actually a really good prank. no offense to yu pissing yourself. hajaha but thats hilarious! though your friends an asshole hajaha

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:02

lol ownd

QWERTYCommander 5

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:04

Thank you for giving me a prank to try on my siblings, OP.

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Friday 28 January 2011 9:06

that's a horrible prank! I love to trick people in any way but I wouldn't fake a death in that way!

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Friday 28 January 2011 12:41

your username really suits this FML.