Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
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Top comments
DragonDude 24
That was the plan all along. You're just the cat's slave.
odell687 3
I wouldn't share my fort with anyone either.
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Comments (101)
Ali_Br_fml 33
Cats can be so funny. When my younger cousin was eating chicken on the floor (she wanted to watch tv, but there's no eating allowed on the couches), my cat (Lexie) went after it. My cousin quickly took it out of reach before she could get to it, and Lexie came back like 30 minutes later, walking slowly, then ran up to her foot, swatted it with her paw (retracted claws), and ran off. Now SHE can hold a grudge. I swear that was the ONLY reason she walked into the living room, to get her back. Lol
jazmineyes 1
awesome.....even your cat don't want you around
Dynosaur_dollie 38
I have two cats but my orange tabby is the jerk. She'll sneak up to my pitbull and jump on her face, or kick my other car off the ledge to sleep on the exact spot he was on.. despite the whole ledge being empty. She adores me and all but does really love to sneak attack people, pets and well anything really. She wears a bell though so we know when she's coming.
erikahall21 9
Hahaha
awilliams44 9
you need the secret code :)
martin8337 35
guess not.
yourwifelovesme 25
Well it looks like you're.....*puts on sunglasses*......pussy whipped *walks away dramatically*
worldclassrager 39
No humans allowed...that's standard...boy forts no girls allowed and vice versa...
Buuee 10
"no humans allowed"
kwojahn 3
take it down.