Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
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Top comments
DragonDude 24
That was the plan all along. You're just the cat's slave.
odell687 3
I wouldn't share my fort with anyone either.
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Comments (101)
dravin_fml 7
Cats are really territorial. She claimed it, you intruded, you were punished. Glad my cat isn't like that, until other cats show up on the porch.
kittenlove11 18
My cat is the same way no warning just pounce
nitrog100 21
I know it sounds kind of weird, but you deserve it for not knowing that cats will defend their holdfast with claws.
CrazyCatLadyMel 2
(This is an 'It Gets Better!' supportive message from a crazy cat lady.) This sounds like something my cat would do! Sadly, I've come to learn to read my nearly-10 year old cat's subtle signals on when he's about to attack. We're codependent (he's very needy and loves getting attention from me, so it's not one-way insanity), but he'll still attack me when I'm not careful. He's most possessive of his cat tree and houses (they're cardboard but he loves them), where sticking my head it will likely get me attacked in the same way (mostly by biting). I don't know how long you've had your cat or how old your cat is, but over time you get to learn their signals. And then, every so often, they'll let you stick your head into their special space.
fatkidfalling 11
You're cat sucks
succotash 6
WHAT'S THE PASSWORD
FLNY_Gal 1
That was funny - Ninja cat!
TopHatNinja68 6
Wait tell it goes it the slowly crush parts I've it
oioii 2
好可爱的主人~
cwl727 32
you have got to love cats and their attitudes!!!