Today, out of boredom, I built my cat a little fort. Later, I tried to crawl inside to pet her, but as soon as I stuck my head in, she clawed me. I guess I'm not allowed in, then. FML
Collection
Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I'm trapped in my apartment. My new cat won't let me leave. Every time I try, he blocks the door, hisses and tries to savage me. I'm my own cat's bitch. FML
Today, I was messing with my cat by moving my hand around under the sheets to make it look like a mouse, making him pounce at it. Without thinking, I brought my hand up to scratch my nose and was immediately attacked by flailing claws. FML
Today, I got out of the shower to find my cat staring up at me. Apparently my swinging penis looks like a cat toy to her, so she jumped up and clawed and tried to bite it. FML
Today, my cat jumped on my shoulders, but stepped in my hood and choked me and when I panicked she dug her claws into my shoulders. FML
Today, my cat learned the hard way what the bathtub is for. While I was in it. FML
Today, my cat used my head as a springboard and ripped my earring out with her claw. FML
Today, I was laying on the couch when my cat decided to join. Instead of jumping, he opted to climb. While he was climbing, he put his paw on my junk and got his claws stuck there. He then tried to force them out, which hurt even more. It took almost a full minute to break him free. FML
Today, like most days, my cat tried to wake me up with a gentle, fluffy paw pat on my nose. This morning, however, he managed to get his claw caught inside my nostril. FML
Today, I was feeding my pets and playing with my puppy when I suddenly felt something behind me. My cat is on the arm of the couch steadily spanking my butt with his paw. I can't win! FML
Today, my cat managed to lock my dad and me outside of our house. FML
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Top comments
DragonDude 24
That was the plan all along. You're just the cat's slave.
odell687 3
I wouldn't share my fort with anyone either.
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Comments (101)
acetl87 12
Good.
Ksweety_fml 27
Lmao... love this.
Rainhawk94 27
The feeling is mutual
JMichael 25
No humans allowed
buttcramp 21
at least you know you made a cool fort!
ItsATwinThing 9
My cat Beau chose to live with us. He was living in our bush outside our house for about a week, we then found out his old family had moved away to Australia and just left him. So we adopted him. He preferred sleeping in cardboard boxes and on top of pillows than sleep next to you. But he'd lay with you on the floor by the first. Gosh I miss him!
Wowlookatthat 15
Get out of my fort right meow! >:3
taylor21398 14
Reasons why everyone should have a dog.
squideth 18
Holy hell, do you people feel the need to interject into EVERY cat fml with some "hurr hurr dogs are better" comment? We get it, you like dogs, shut up about it already. Both dogs and cats are awesome in their own ways.
ckerane 16
omg that's hilarious
PattonGilette2 18
AS
junkman6 22
Heh I remember my uncle had 2 Siamese cats and when I was like 5 he convinced me they were half kangaroo. I believed him Because they chased their toys while hopping around on their hind legs and always drop kicked each other. Let's just say my teacher was less than impressed when I argued with her about the existence of "kangaroo cats." -_-