Today, my wife caught me masturbating to porn. She screamed at me and asked why I would be masturbating when I had her to have sex with. So I asked if she wanted to have sex, she said no. FML
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Autumn: Leaves and Laughter
When the leaves fall, the laughter rises. Discover autumn stories as crisp as dried leaves!
Today, I rejected my wife for sex. She then started to masturbate next to me. I got an erection. She then rejected me for sex. FML
Today, I caught my husband masturbating to porn. I screamed at him and demanded to know why he was masturbating when he has a wife to have sex with. He said, "Because you always reject me?" I was about to yell back when I realized he was right. I'm a terrible wife. FML
Today, after screaming at me this morning, my wife has been giving me the silent treatment. We're trying to get pregnant, but she caught me masturbating, or "reducing my sperm count on purpose" as she called it. I just wanted some harmless fun with some porn, since getting pregnant has made actual sex a chore. FML
Today, my husband walked in on me while I was masturbating and watching porn (yes women do it too). Now he thinks I’m unsatisfied with him or our sex life. All I wanted was a quick release. FML
Today, my wife accused me of using her for sex. I'd only just admitted to her two days ago that I've been struggling to get it up to try and perform, after a hospital stay and a month of almost no sexual contact. FML
Today, I walked in on my wife masturbating. Naturally, I asked her if she needed some help. She replied, "Nah, I've got this." FML
Today, my wife shouted at me for masturbating in the shower, because, "It’s disgusting." She hasn’t touched me sexually in two years FML
Today, my wife slapped me for touching her boobs during sex. FML
Today, I woke up to my girlfriend masturbating beside me. I asked if she needed a hand. She called me a pervert and now won't speak to me. FML
Today, I caught my wife trying to give herself oral sex. It was sexy and also kinda funny, so I offered to do it to her properly. She got explosively mad for some reason and actually threw me out. I’m writing this from my brother's spare room, wondering where I went wrong. FML
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Top comments
Deathhound 27
Why did she say it then?
gunmania0 12
Does no one else think its sort of the wife's fault? You may try and disagree and say that the op is a bad person for watching ****, but he was just a guy that wasnt getting any from his gal.
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Comments (180)
kodinbug 2
I would say no too! Give it ten minutes after she walks in on you to ask her. Dumb ass
axel720 3
A thousand people said you deserved it? what???
lulzmylife 4
Yep, because he does deserve it. I only regret that I can only vote YDI once!
Samuel55 7
Shouldn't be masturbating to **** then if you're married!
lulzmylife 4
Honestly? If I'd just walked in on my husband jerking off to ****, I wouldn't be in the mood to sleep with him, either. Some people don't mind if their partners look at ****; others obviously mind quite a lot. I'm in the latter camp, because **** largely just creates unrealistic expectations of women and sex--i.e., why would a guy want to sleep with his normal, imperfect wife when he can wank to digitally manipulated, impossibly perfect women instead? The OP is callously and unfairly putting his wife in a position where she feels she has to compete with an airbrushed **** star. tl;dr: the OP deserves it and I'm in the wife's camp. And all the sexist assholes slamming her in the comments here can go suck it.
joa76 3
There's a very simple answer to your hypothetical question. Think of the food channel like food ****. If you sit there and watch the food channel all day, does that ruin your appetite for real food? Do you look at the dinner that someone made you and go "Bleagh how could I possibly enjoy eating that after watching all that delicious food on tv?" I don't know about you, but I still enjoy all my favorite foods even on days when I've watched the food channel. **** works the same way. Unless someone's an addict, trust me, they still like the real thing way better, even if they do find the **** woman more attractive (and from my understanding, most don't...most of the guys I've heard any opinion from consider it a poor substitute for the real thing).
joa76 3
"why would a guy want to sleep with his normal, imperfect wife when he can wank to digitally manipulated, impossibly perfect women instead?" Simple answer. Think of the food channel like food ****. If you watch the food channel for awhile, does that ruin real food for you? Do you look at the dinner someone made you and think "Bleah, how could I possibly enjoy that after seeing all that delicious food on tv?" I don't know about you, but I still enjoy all my favorite foods just as much as always. **** works the same way. Unless they're an addict, trust me, they still far prefer the real thing, even if they find the **** women more attractive (which from my understanding most do not; all the guys I've ever heard any opinion from consider it a poor substitute).
joa76 3
Er...yes, if you didn't figure out, I did in fact retype it because it didn't post, and then it posted both. I didn't notice until it was too late to fix it. I should know better than to retype it by now, but this is the only website that ends up actually posting it (in my experience), so I forgot. Oops.
here4theparty 4
Tell her if your not gonna get some action then you gotta beat the meat....8===D
HomeAl0ne 20
Wait until she goes to buy something she likes, then stop her. Ask why she would spend her own money and deprive you of the pleasure of buying it for her. When she asks if you would like to buy it for her as a gift then, say 'no'. She'll see the light and drop to her knees and blow you right then and there*. *Disclaimer: Actual results may vary.
samiiiccaa 0
your wife sounds like she's extremely insecure and bitchy....would she rather you cheat on her?
JadeWalker 14
Maybe if he went straight to her and not the tv then he'd be getting some. he'll be lucky is SHE doesnt cheat on him.
lizard399 0
Yeah cause cheating is the obvious go-to here.. Why not just have sex with her and toss the **** to begin with?
leadman1989 15
And this is where polygamist have us beat.
bigbear92 6
Women logic...
structuredchaoz 4
If he didn't ask beforehand he fails. If he did ask, he's in the clear. Try watching **** with her. My wife does. It just takes a little oral persuasion. Call it homework.