By Anonymous - United States - Peru

Classic Jeff

Today, it was my wedding day. My new husband decided it would be a good idea, when he was supposed to do his speech, to stand up and say, "Ladies and gentlemen, may I have your attention please. Genitals. That is all." FML

I agree, your life sucks

8748

1498

Love

Relationships sink

Where are you?

Persona non grata

By macaroni17 - United States - New Oxford

Today, we had a speaking assessment in Spanish class. When it was my turn, I yawned in the middle of a sentence, said "excuse me" and finished my sentence. She took points off because I hesitated and I spoke in English, not Spanish. FML

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40890

You deserved it

12741

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By A.K. - United States

Today, I was driving on the highway and a cop had his radar gun out. The woman in front of me panics and slams her brakes on, causing me to rear end her. The cop cited me for "tailgating" and I have to pay for the damages on both of our cars. FML

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54053

You deserved it

21022

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By Anonymous - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I went on another date with a guy I've had a crush on for a long time. Afterwards, we went back to my place for the first time and things got heated. While taking my pants off, he recoiled and asked if I thought it was still No Shave November. FML

I agree, your life sucks

30212

You deserved it

47173

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By Kev

Today, after a number of other automotive misadventures, I tried to find out why my radiator fan decided to quit working. That's when my hood struts thought it would be a good time to give way. Now I have big bruise on my shoulder where the latch hit me. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1506

You deserved it

114

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By Anonymous - United States - Houston

Today, I met my birth father for the first time. The first thing he told me was that if I ever get arrested, I should give him a call so his guys on the inside can look after me. I don't think there's going to be a second meeting. FML

I agree, your life sucks

14864

Phew, glad it wasn't me

1700

Favorite

By ItchItchBaby

Today, 2 hours before a 13-hour flight, I found out I had head lice. I'm a 24-year-old woman. FML

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3021

You deserved it

446

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By yerface - United States

Today, I told my mom I was excited my boobs were getting bigger. She told me that that's what happens when you get fat. FML

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40635

You deserved it

8653

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By scaredofcutouts - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, my sister thought it would be funny to place a cardboard cut-out of a person at the foot of my bed. I woke up, saw the cut-out from the corner of my eye, fell out of bed, landed on my hand wrong, and broke two fingers. She got it all on video. FML

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25874

You deserved it

2310

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By apavies444 - United States

Today, while sleeping over at my girlfriend's house for the first time, I got up to go to the bathroom. I went to go back and once in the room asked, "You ready for round two baby?" The light came on and at this moment I realized I went into her parents bedroom by mistake. FML

I agree, your life sucks

19100

You deserved it

44825

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By musicyman55 - United States

Today, my girlfriend who I love very deeply dumped me two times, over the phone. The first time was to dump me. She then called me back a couple hours later explicitly to dump our friendship. I was just friend dumped. FML

I agree, your life sucks

36538

You deserved it

3035

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By HAIL SITHIS - United States

Today, I was on a date, and I tried breaking the ice by telling him my best joke. He laughed hysterically for a good 10 seconds, started beating the table with his fist, then suddenly went deadpan and said "No, seriously, you're a moron. Screw this date." FML

I agree, your life sucks

29912

You deserved it

3219

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By Masonlee89 - United States

Today, it was supposed to be payday. Instead, it was the day I found out that, for two weeks, I have been volunteering for Habitat for Humanity, and am not actually employed by a construction company. FML

I agree, your life sucks

11757

You deserved it

41844

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By Godwhy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of 7 years has been cheating on me with my friend's 18-year-old sister, took her on the vacation we planned, and will be starting with my company next week. FML

I agree, your life sucks

3530

You deserved it

209

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By types - United States

Today, my boyfriend decided he is going to narrate everything I do. I can't get him to stop. FML

I agree, your life sucks

25993

You deserved it

3604

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By mehdi

Today, I woke up and switched on the TV. The first thing I saw was a picture of a wanted rapist, who looks just like me. I'm afraid to leave home. FML

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326034

Phew, glad it wasn't me

33626

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By SureDoesMakeAGirlFeelGood - Canada - Paradise

Today, I found out that my husband has more topless pictures of his ex on his computer than he does of me. FML

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24302

You deserved it

4434

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By pokèscared - 10/3/2020 05:00

Go away

Today, the creepy dude I’d been desperately trying to avoid was able to figure out which building I work in, the general vicinity of my house and which restaurants I frequent. He learned all this by the gifts I sent, not knowing it was him, on the Pokémon Go app. FML

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1479

You deserved it

503

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By anonymous - United States - Chicago

Today, I was a pregnant man for Halloween. Everyone at school thought it was funny, except my principal, who gave me a detention and said it was, "inappropriate and making a pregnant teacher feel uncomfortable". That pregnant teacher asked me to take a selfie with her. FML

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39701

You deserved it

2683

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By angry girlfriend - United States - West Harrison

Today, I found out that the reason my boyfriend hasn't texted me recently is that he'd forgotten he was dating anyone. FML

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47155

You deserved it

5639

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By SkinsCastSelection - this FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - France

A for effort

Today, my boyfriend sent me a picture of his morning dump because it was heart-shaped. FML

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37894

You deserved it

6342

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, after months of searching and several emotional breakdowns, I finally found a new job. My wife's words of encouragement? "Try not to fuck this one up." FML

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33330

You deserved it

9504

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By Leroy - Australia

Insanity

Today, my girlfriend slapped me and dumped me because she thought I was gay, simply because I had to miss a date because one of my guy friends was in a car accident, and I went to see him at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks

1936

You deserved it

107

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By steph - United States

Today, I wanted to change out of my bikini for the ride home from the beach. There wasn't a bathroom near, so I went to change in front of a suburban, parked far away from all the people. I took off my suit, hear the car's horn honk, only to find that the car was completely packed with old men. FML

I agree, your life sucks

16524

You deserved it

68905

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By BossesLittleBrat - United States - Jamestown

Today, my brat of a coworker tried to convince our boss that I should get paid half of what I'm making because I broke my right arm. I'm left handed, broke it on the job, and still doing a better job than her. She makes double what I do. FML

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13718

You deserved it

835

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By notsoonenufdeparted - United States

Today, my four-year-old asked me when I was going to die. I replied "Not for a long time, why?" He looked at me and stated "Because I only want to live with Daddy." FML

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46165

You deserved it

4784

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By kk-

Today, after my boyfriend broke up with me and I'd chained-smoked all night, I had a driving test. With only 3 hours of sleep, I literally drove through a red light during the test. FML

I agree, your life sucks

717

You deserved it

2751

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By Zzz - United States - Brighton

Today, I took a team meeting from home. More specifically, my bed. Because I make great decisions, I ended up falling asleep. At some point during my nap, my cat walked over my keyboard, turning on my webcam. I woke up to my video on and no one left in the meeting. Everyone saw. FML

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4293

You deserved it

5584

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By Taylor - United States - Columbus

Today, my boyfriend asked me if I wear makeup much. Expecting him to say something about my natural beauty, I replied with an honest "no." His smiled softly, gently squeezed my shoulder, and said, "Maybe you should." FML

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28259

You deserved it

3636

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By Drill Drilled - United States - Lake Elsinore

Today, I tripped while rushing to my classes. In a desperate attempt to regain my balance, I grabbed the nearest thing to me. A fire alarm. FML

I agree, your life sucks

31326

You deserved it

3953

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By CrappyCar - United States

Today, I received a notice that if I don't move the abandoned vehicle from outside my house it will be repossessed at my expense. My car isn't abandoned. FML

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43767

You deserved it

4217

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By calliefml - United States

Today, I walked into my dorm to find my roommate hanging a voodoo doll of me on a noose. FML

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89666

You deserved it

6131

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By kissandcontrol01 - United States - Hanford

Today, I decided to take a well-deserved shower. When I let my hair down, twenty six cents fell onto the floor. I have no idea how they got there. FML

I agree, your life sucks

22496

You deserved it

4110

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By RedWaters - United States

Today, my boyfriend started coming onto me, despite me being on my period. He said it was okay, and we went to his bedroom. He told me to spread my legs as he spread his hands. Thinking it'd be sexy, I did. He then yelled, "I AM MOSES! I PART THE RED SEA!" and broke down in laughter. FML

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61330

You deserved it

15824

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By Wyomingwannbe - United States - Lawrence

Today, my wife and I are planning a simple team meal for our son's team. We're stuck on pulled pork or meatballs. I've told her I don't care. She's still indecisive. This has been going on for 2 days. We're now not talking, over meatballs. FML

I agree, your life sucks

13034

You deserved it

2279

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By evomadrid24 - United States

Today, my girlfriend smelt my penis after I got back from the gym. She was making sure it didn't smell like latex. I can't even go to the gym without her thinking I'm cheating on her. FML

I agree, your life sucks

48862

You deserved it

10182

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By rozsrredd - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

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52914

You deserved it

4151

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By ph2222 - United States - Toledo

Today, my boyfriend and I were at his parents' house when things started getting hot. Out of respect, we stopped and just cuddled, making us able to hear his parents banging. FML

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31077

You deserved it

3557

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By Anonymous - United States - Philadelphia

Today, I was out with my youngest cousin and we had to stop for gas. Since he just got his license, I asked if he wanted to pump the gas while I went into the station to get snacks and pay. He pumped my car full of diesel. FML

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31586

You deserved it

7144

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By Anonymous - United States

Today, I woke up to the sound of birds chirping, had a wonderful cup of coffee, and found my son throwing up rubbing alcohol in the bathroom. FML

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6651

You deserved it

708

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By Anonymous - 3/10/2020 16:56

Family matters

Today, I was told by step-dad, who I live with, that my mom "hates my guts" while smiling so big, because he got a call from her. He's so desperate for her to come back that all the lying, cheating, manipulation, and emotional abuse doesn't push him away. She's a tornado. FML

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1051

You deserved it

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Top comments

By Andrew Dutch Beebe | 6

#7403318 - Thursday 2 February 2017 18:15

That was a good idea.

By infinitemonkey | 21

#7403328 - Thursday 2 February 2017 18:22

Saying something funny and offensive would be bad. But saying something that isn't even funny...how drunk was he?

COMMENTS

By Andrew Dutch Beebe | 6

#7403318 - Thursday 2 February 2017 18:15

That was a good idea.

By infinitemonkey | 21

#7403328 - Thursday 2 February 2017 18:22

Saying something funny and offensive would be bad. But saying something that isn't even funny...how drunk was he?

ApocaClips | 5

#7403419 - Thursday 2 February 2017 21:26

enlighten me on how that was offensive

zack1876 | 7

#7403480 - Thursday 2 February 2017 23:25

It's a line from family guy which he probably found to be funny.

vandj8 | 9

#7403570 - Friday 3 February 2017 3:07

Yeah, except Peter said testicles, not genitals.

CliffyB03 | 28

#7404357 - Saturday 4 February 2017 14:03

Maybe the groom wanted to include everyone lol

Kaylana_fml | 31

#7406942 - Wednesday 8 February 2017 22:50

Making jokes at weddings = charming and fun.

Making a joke of your wedding = offensive and a bad sign.

If you can't innately see how that was inappropriate, there's little hope of someone else educating you.