Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
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Top comments
bettyc4 26
Cockblocked!
aeshleyrose 6
You raised him, bud.
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Comments (140)
efemel94 7
Looks like your son could do with a buttscratchet
Ozuru 11
When you became a parent, you signed up for foot scratching duty.
IntoTheClouds 42
My parents never scratched my feet for me...
upyourzlolz 11
All this feet scratching talk madero wonder... Can't you scratch your foot with your other foot?
cvillechicklet 0
I would have helped u get intimate
TheFirstSamurai 18
LOL What the heck?
bettyc4 26
OH DEAR GOD!!!!!!
FurryRocks 10
What the hell is wrong with your picture I'm going to throw up
hayyyyleyyyybaby_fml 14
for real, wtf....
groundzeromma 8
CRAZY EYES!!! Scared the f*** outta me! Lol
AMB3AST 7
Oh my land! YOU helping? Aha. I'm sure that isn't possible.
TheFirstSamurai 18
There's gonna be a whole load of "pussy" jokes very soon.
bettyc4 26
Hell ya
saranndipidy 0
you sound like Obama...with your...unneeded.. pauses.
Enslaved 38
Some women find a guy that is helpful towards their kids a turn on. Hope that is how your wife saw it. (:
sammyjo06 14
Ehhh, I think you have that a little mixed up. Yes, a guy that's helpful to kids is going to have an easier time getting a gf/wife. Yes, it's something we look for in a man. But unfortunately, when children are involved, it's the opposite of a sexual turnon :X.
ZielZone 4
That sucks... He'd be grounded
thehuntress309 12
Lol well he obviously was to weak to move the cat... Martha get the shot gun, the herd needs a thinin
Devin91 20
How old is your son that he didn't think to move the cat?
DocBastard 40
Lazy son + lazy cat = no sex for you.
THE_A_TEEN 28
You don't say? Thanks Captain DocObvious.