Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
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Top comments
bettyc4 26
Cockblocked!
aeshleyrose 6
You raised him, bud.
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Comments (140)
MandieL 27
Why not wait till the kid is sleeping?
Giantsfann7 0
Your kid prolly heard you and wanted you to stop by having you scratch his foot
DarlingMewMew 2
You're a good parent :3
EvilDave 13
No, he is a crappy parent for putting the kids before the relationship.
buttercupbbe3 2
Awe. The little things count. Better luck next time.
forgotmynamewut 0
So, am I the only one thinking "WHY THE **** ARE YOU GETTIN' IT ON WHILE YOU'RE KID'S AWAKE??" ya know jus sayin.
EvilDave 13
Yes, you are, or at least you should be the only one thinking that.
Cablo_Gubla 2
If you did it, you're a failure of a father.
thelightforest 4
Who ***** when the kid isn't asleep? Really, were you even thinking?
imakitty89 0
push over
random1368 0
We have two feet for a reason. Stupid kid.