Today, my wife and I were getting intimate for the first time in several months. Then we heard our son yelling from the other room needing my help. He needed me to scratch his foot because the cat was on his lap and he couldn't reach it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was getting frisky with my husband under the covers in bed. My son decided to run into our room and cannonball on top of my husband. This startled him, which caused him to bite me. FML
Today, the wife and I were in the middle of having sex. She was bent over and I was taking her to pound town. I look over to see my 3 year-old son standing in the doorway, humping air. FML
Today, I was jerking off when my cat jumped out of nowhere and dug his claws into my shaft. Attempting to knock him away resulted in three nasty gashes… that I now have to explain to my wife. FML
Today, my wife and I were getting intimate in the morning. First time in forever. Things were just starting to get steamy when our 10-month-old daughter woke up. FML
Today, my girlfriend and I started to be intimate after a run of dry spells. I was looking forward to this, until one of our kids came barging into our room and ruined the moment for the rest of the night. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I were having sex, when we heard a screech. My two cats were having it harder than us. FML
Today, my husband and I were going to have sex for the first time since having our baby, who was taking a nap. As soon as we lay down in bed, his mother rang saying she was five minutes away. FML
Today, I got home and found my wife cuddling with the dog and our new kitten. Both the cat and my wife hissed at me when I tried to join in. FML
Today, my husband and I were getting it on when we heard a little giggle. I put on my robe and looked outside my room to find that no one was there. So we continued. I later called my seven year old son and out he came crawling from under the bed. FML
Today, in the morning, my wife and I were having hot but silent sex on my futon while our 3 year-old slept in his crib. It was going great until my turn to come when I released a loud, "AARRGHHHHHH". My son promptly got up, took one look at me and his mother's back, then promptly went back to sleep without a word. FML
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Top comments
bettyc4 26
Cockblocked!
aeshleyrose 6
You raised him, bud.
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Comments (140)
CallieLuvsTS 0
lol wow this sucks
duckie227 22
and like a good mom, you did it
tommyfox 19
OP would have been the dad. He says "getting intimate with my wife"
luckygohappy 9
Not necessarily; they could be a lesbian couple.
duckie227 22
A man would have said 'suck it up'. He's Mr. Mom lol
CallieLuvsTS 0
lol wow this sucks
DemonicDragon53 5
Ok I think we understood you the first time..
xXkingmikeXx 5
Tell him that his mom is helping you scratch your dick
asktherunes 4
Sounds like mom is a slave to her child.
kittenvks 11
Your stupid comment made me have to read the FML again! I thought maybe I was wrong. Nope, I'm not. Your turn.
perdix 31
The first time "intimate" in months? Was one of you in prison, or what?!?! If you have so little sex, you're not married, you are roommates.
fmlbrofml 0
He has a kid, he can't just do it whenever, proven in this FML.
misskanese 0
I don't understand the lack of intimacy..... Uuummm my man has needs so I KNOW you have them....she know she wrong
Calyx_fml 22
Not all men are the same.
bettyc4 26
Speak english! not ghetto, unless you WANT to look uneducated and ignorant O.o
InUrArea 4
Take him to grandma house so you can get some action
deequu 20
Maybe you should schedule to get a sitter and go somewhere or maybe when he is asleep? Bad parents.
codplayer2442 1
You are nasty for ******* with you son in you house.
abbyhoneywaffles 11
I agree. My parents do it when I'm home and it's just gross. Do they think I enjoy hearing that? >:(
StreetReaper 9
What's nasty about that. Instead of mom and dad being frigid and apathetic, they are still in love and like to express it to each other. Also, if you don't like it, put your earphones in and turn up your iPod. Get over it.
abbyhoneywaffles 11
Naah, I'd rather them show a little respect and realize that it is not pleasant hearing the slapping of your dad's testable against his thighs as he thrusts his dick into your mom's vajayjay. In fact, it's rather scarring. Thanks to the heavy grunting & creaking bed springs that have come from my parents bedroom since I was 8, I now picture disturbing mental images of my parents every time I hear 'intimate' noises anywhere. My parents ruined **** for me.
EvilDave 13
Nice to see that you think sex is disgusting and wrong. Just point every guy who wants to date you to this so he knows what he is in for. You think you deserve respect when you don't respect your parents, their needs and wants, and their relationship. It is a shame you were raised so poorly.
abbyhoneywaffles 11
Lol when did I say I think sex is disgusting and wrong? I said everytime I hear or see sexual relations, it reminds me of what I had to fall asleep to when I was younger. And I respect their relationship, but I do not respect the fact that they know my room is right next to theirs and that I'm trying to fall asleep because I have school in the morning and the thought does not cross their mind that I don't want to hear that shit. Hopefully you can comprehend this, douchebag.
SevenZee 5
I cannot agree with you more abbyhoneywaffles. It's disgusting and irritating when you have to deal with their god damn noises. If you can't wait til the kids out of the house [Not asleep. Cause 98% of the time you think they're asleep, they're NOT =_=; ] then don't become a goddamn parent.
abbyhoneywaffles 11
123- Well thank you, I'm glad somebody understands! Goodness gracious to that guy acting as if I'm out of line because I don't want to hear my parents banging. Geez.
fmeallday123 6
It's not just me? Thank god. My parents are constantly having sex! The walls are thinner than they think, apparently. I'll never heal. Not to be inconsiderate, but common.