Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate... - FML

By WheatiesMan - 15/6/2016 10:52

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

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Whatthefuckaburger

Yappy neighborhood

Assumptions

By :| - 25/4/2012 18:46 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, I heard my neighbors having a violent argument in their front yard. I listened in, and soon found out why the wife wasn't happy with her husband. Apparently, she had caught her husband peeking through my windows for the second time this month. FML

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By Dumbass Dude - 24/5/2019 14:10

Today, I pulled into a parking lot, for the car to simply shut off because I ran out of gas. Then I couldn't get the key out of the ignition, so I called my dad, who walked all the way to where I was, only to find out that the car was still in drive. FML

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By fmfl - 17/11/2009 21:19 - United States

Today, I found a gift card under my bed that I lost a few months ago for $400 to a store that went out of business last week. FML

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By Anonymous - 11/2/2018 15:00

Today, I spent a nice night with the guy I’ve been madly crushing on for the past year. When he went to the bathroom and left his phone unlocked, I looked at his photo album and saw photos of my house, my room, me sleeping, and my naked body. FML

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By Anonymous - 5/8/2013 05:33 - United States - Romulus

Today, I found out that the messages about the issues in my sex life that I'd been sending to my best friend had been sent to my mother via iMessage. She's coming over for dinner tomorrow. FML

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By Anonymous - 13/12/2018 15:30

Today, I’m almost six weeks pregnant. From exactly ten seconds of penetration. FML

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By TVKill3r - 29/3/2013 00:57 - United States

Today, at work while near a cigarette tray outside, a man said, "Thanks for polluting our environment!" All I could say was, "What?" He then said "I'm speaking English you know!" I was cleaning the cigarette tray at the time, don't smoke at all, and was born here. FML

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By embarrassedinretail - 20/1/2010 10:01 - Australia

Today, whilst at work, my dad decided to call me and sing an entire rendition of 'The Gambler' by Kenny Rogers. There was a big line of people, and my boss had been standing nearby checking out my phone. I had to stand there and listen to the whole song. FML

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By Anonymous - 19/12/2018 20:00

Today as I was waiting at the gynecologist I texted my husband to see if birth control pills were covered on our insurance...yep texted my boss instead who I had been asking about a raise..don’t think I’ll be getting that raise... FML

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By Anonymous - 11/10/2013 16:43 - United States - Logan

Today, I finally decided to stand up for myself and quit my crappy job working for my abusive father. I gave him a few insults too, to which he reacted by calling the police and claiming I'd threatened to murder him. I spent three hours in jail before they finally let me go. FML

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By jdsksoapy - 30/3/2009 20:16 - United States

Today, my parents punished me and made me wash my mouth out with soap for cursing. I'm almost 19. I said the word "hell". FML

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By officeditz - 4/6/2015 01:59 - United States - Saint Petersburg

Today, my District Manager was impressed by all the appointments in my upcoming calendar. Bubbling with pride, I blurted out "Oh, I just love to have all my slots filled!" The awkward silence was only broken by "That's what she said!" from the next cubicle. FML

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By loser - 19/10/2009 17:43 - United States

Today, while in class, a cute boy came up and asked me for my number. I giggled and wrote my phone number on a piece of paper and told him to call me sometime. He gave me a weird look and walked away. He was asking which number math problem I needed help with. FML

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By outoflove - 30/6/2014 21:06 - United States - Rockport

Today, my husband came clean to having an affair with my sister. I later found out my other sister encouraged the affair because she thought they'd be a cute couple. FML

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By HYRTE - 6/9/2017 04:30

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

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By iwantmoney - 22/7/2011 00:20 - United States

Today, after babysitting, the parents actually tried to pay me in Trident Layers Gum. FML

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By stalkered - 22/7/2009 04:27 - United States

Today, I finally figured out who has been stalking me for the past 5 months. And we're related. FML

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By pandasbear - 26/5/2010 08:18 - United States

Today, I went on a first date wearing a new hair color. It was Interior Latex Slate Speckled Grey, from accidentally leaning my head against a wall while house painting earlier. FML

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By Anonymous - 30/9/2013 19:02 - United States - Brecksville

Today, I smelled chicken nuggets and asked my boyfriend if he was making some. He wasn't. It was my armpits. FML

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By jlw1998 - 25/4/2016 04:36 - United States - Dallas

Today, I bought my girlfriend a cat. I now have a cat and no girlfriend. FML

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By Anonymous - 25/5/2019 00:01

He's probably right

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

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By RP Havens - 10/1/2013 06:25 - United States - Galloway

Today, my grandmother called me to tell me that there will be a nice, single guy for me to meet at the family reunion. She went on and on about how perfect he was for me. I didn't have the heart to tell her I'm a lesbian, and have been out to the rest of the family for over six years. FML

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By windskurfer - 14/1/2010 14:54 - France

Today, I saw my dad help himself to a sex stamina drink. He and mom share the hotel bed next to mine. FML

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By DrewK - 14/5/2013 20:09 - United States - Great Falls

Today, I went into the men's restroom and started peeing in a urinal next to a middle-age man. As he zipped up and walked away, he said to me, "Don't worry, it'll grow." FML

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By meat is meat - 7/10/2019 02:07

Alexa, play "Meat Is Murder" by The Smiths

Today, my girlfriend went on yet another long-winded rant about how dogs are family and should be treated as such, whilst stuffing her face with ribs. I asked her what the difference was between a dog and the pile of pig parts on her plate. Her only response was to call me a monster and dump me. FML

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By trgtyo - 18/5/2009 23:20 - United States

Today, I noticed my parents replaced my senior picture that hung on our livingroom wall with a painted one. Of our German Sheperd. FML

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By Ferniferousfern - 20/8/2018 18:30

Today, I sat down to use the bathroom after a long day of work. My toilet, however, had other plans, as a spontaneous, ear shattering crack flooded the entire bathroom, soaking the outer carpet and shorting out my bathroom scale. FML

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By lonelyhubby - 8/7/2009 04:16 - United States

Today, I found out that my wife had been debating leaving me for an old boyfriend from high school. They rekindled their relationship on Facebook, and talking on the cell phone. Both things I insisted she have. FML

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By thoughtidseenitall - 2/2/2013 01:01 - United States - Englewood

Today, while trucking, I got stuck in traffic on a congested highway. After 15 minutes of mind-numbing boredom, I glanced down at the car beside me, only to witness the driver changing her tampon and flicking the old one onto the highway. I can't unsee this. FML

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By tammy - 15/8/2010 17:24 - France

Today, a wasp stung my nipple. Twice. The swelling makes it look like I'm growing a third breast. FML

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By freckle82 - 12/5/2009 13:09 - Canada

Today, I woke up at 4:30am because I forgot to turn my Blackberry off 'loud'. I woke up to find an email from my ex-boyfriend's crazy mother who had sent me pictures of her son's wedding that had happened over the weekend. I am still single. FML

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By MattVh - 12/1/2010 17:23 - Belgium

Today, someone had put a lock on my bike. While I was trying to saw it off, the police drove by. I was arrested for trying to steal a bike and released four hours later when they figured out that it was actually my bike. FML

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By RdL - 17/3/2009 18:17 - United States

Today, my parents said that they bought me a car. I had been begging for one for a year and they always said that I would have to pay for it myself. I got really excited and went to the garage to see my new ride. It was a Hot Wheels car with a note saying "save your money". FML

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By SHAME! - 20/5/2019 16:02

Today, I ran into an attractive friend of a friend I hadn't seen since a night out last month. I tried my best to be friendly and interesting, but he still seemed awkward. Later I found out that the last time he saw me I was blind drunk and vomiting after having propositioned him all evening. FML

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By mariama - 23/1/2013 17:45 - United States

Today, I visited my family. Over the course of 2 hours, my brother punched me, and my mom slapped me across the face after drinking way too much wine. When I started gathering my things to leave, my mom started crying about how I don't visit enough. FML

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By Anonymous - 10/8/2020 05:02

And probably giggling

Today, I realized our cat has a sixth sense for when he wants to be seen. When we don't care where the cat is, he's within plain sight. When we lose track of him and are in a panic worrying if he got out, he's hiding. FML

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By anonymous - 13/11/2015 00:00 - Netherlands

Today, my boyfriend rather stupidly assumed that because my vagina is no longer in use after giving birth, we would automatically start having anal sex. After I loudly explained how that wasn't happening, he then had the nerve to ask for a blowjob before we'd even left the hospital. FML

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By FailedSalesman - 17/12/2016 17:39 - United States - Lewisville

Today, I was working at our garage sale with my dad. I sat outside for 2 hours, talked to three people, and sold nothing. My dad came outside and got angry at me, so I told him to give it a shot. He sold 3 things to the first guy who walked in. FML

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By rugs - 6/8/2010 04:40 - United States

Today, while moving, I asked my wife where she put the alcohol. She told me she threw it out, because it was old. It was Scotch. It's supposed to be old. FML

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By woo. - 7/2/2009 21:51 - United States

Today, I was walking down the street with my newly healed implants, when a drag queen approached me and asked who my doctor was, because I was the "most convincing transgender he had ever seen." I'm a woman. FML

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Top comments

By AmyPond17 | 33

#6667369 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:01

You can go to the front desk and ask for more towels

By nonsensical | 26

#6667372 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:02

Well that's inconsiderate! I hope you didn't have to wait long for someone in the hotel to deliver you more towels...

COMMENTS

By AmyPond17 | 33

#6667369 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:01

You can go to the front desk and ask for more towels

Reply

LostInLife94 | 29

#6667400 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:30

by the time he noticed he was already showered

Reply

Sia_Will | 13

#6667418 - Monday 8 August 2016 6:10

Exactly, #15. Why does this comment even has the most likes

Reply

cootiequeen4444 | 11

#6667473 - Monday 8 August 2016 8:08

people must like the idea of exhibitionists or something

Reply

wasliedtoasakid | 22

#6670568 - Saturday 13 August 2016 8:54

Or OP could have used the extra blanket. Almost every hotel I've been to has had an extra blanket on a shelf in the closet. I would have just used that. You gotta do what you gotta do.

By nonsensical | 26

#6667372 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:02

Well that's inconsiderate! I hope you didn't have to wait long for someone in the hotel to deliver you more towels...

By AirBusDriver | 23

#6667373 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:02

Justifiable Ass-Whooping.

By crudeandrudeguy | 29

#6667374 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:03

It's inconvenient but not really a your life is fucked moment. My wife on the other hand has been doing the exact same thing for over 10 years...

By Magnoxidans | 19

#6667379 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:06

Should have just used his bed linen...

By flyingflies | 36

#6667382 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:09

Too many negative votes, comment buried. Show the comment

Reply

PeterB444 | 17

#6667918 - Monday 8 August 2016 22:33

How did this get downvoted lol.

By moodyreallyrocks | 27

#6667384 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:10

Time to have a talk with your hotel roommate about common ettiquette..

By limegreenpoopie | 31

#6667385 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:10

Ask for more towels? Duh

Reply

Bearsmomma | 30

#6667449 - Monday 8 August 2016 7:34

So, should she go to the desk naked to request them? Or would it be better to have them delivered to the room and answer the door naked?

Reply

kelliecraine | 2

#6667621 - Monday 8 August 2016 14:50

It's not a woman, op is a man

Reply

xx000o | 27

#6667877 - Monday 8 August 2016 21:09

In this time of amazing technology, he could possibly use one of them there tellyphones to call the front desk and request more towels.

By tracklife62 | 7

#6667387 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:11

Just tell him the bare truth

By meagan77 | 13

#6667391 - Monday 8 August 2016 5:15

This is the stupidest FML I have ever read. How did this make the cut?