Miscellaneous: Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate... - FML

Nearly

01/10/2021 22:55

Today, I just had the best sex in all my life. After that, my ex-girlfriend dumped me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14

You deserved it 2

28/09/2021 01:05

Today, I found out my dog of 11 years has very severe cancer. Her spleen, which has swollen to the size of a football, had a small rupture a day ago and would fatally within a week, we'll be putting her down tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77

You deserved it 5

Spicy

Spicy

Weird flex, but OK

By Anonymous - 17/10/2021 08:01

Spicy

Today, I’m aware that comparing yourself too much to other people can make you unhappy. I now learned that the same goes for comparing yourself to objects. For example, between myself and the shared toilet in my student house, guess who has the most pubic hair? FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 88

Nice try, though

By Anonymous - 16/10/2021 20:00

Spicy

Today, I bought a $100 Victoria's Secret gift card for an ex who I still have a thing for, only to find out she started dating someone else a week ago. I just realized I bought lingerie for her to wear for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 135

You deserved it 1 186

15/06/2016 10:52

Today, I'm on a class trip to Washington DC. Last night, my roommate took a shower, and I decided that I would take one in the morning. This morning, I found out after I got out of the shower that my roommate used one towel for drying himself, and the other for a mat. He didn't hang either of them up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 899

You deserved it 1 264

Money, well, get back, I'm alright Jack…

Mama's boy

Pride and joy

22/09/2010 05:37

Spicy

Today, I discovered that if I put my ankles on my boyfriends shoulders while we are having sex, I will pee myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 390

You deserved it 13 764

19/08/2015 05:15

Today, my boyfriend is so ashamed of me that when someone asked how far along my pregnancy is, he quickly replied "5 months now!" instead of telling them I'm not actually pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 279

You deserved it 11 474

07/03/2010 05:21

Today, I apologized to my boyfriend for thinking he was cheating on me right before another girl posted pictures of them together on her myspace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 850

You deserved it 3 878

29/07/2010 17:29

Today, I was staying over at my boyfriend's house, sleeping in his sister's room while she is away at college. I left my necklace on her dresser. When I came back, it was gone. His mother saw it there and thought it was her daughter's necklace. She hid it so I wouldn't "steal it". FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 173

You deserved it 3 767

Hobbies

By Stinkycar - 05/06/2017 12:00

Today, it was an unusually hot day and I saw one of my friends walking down the street carrying a large bag. I stopped and asked if he needed a ride. When he got in, I noticed a horrible stench. He then told me he'd just been dumpster diving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 587

You deserved it 509

15/12/2014 16:07

Today, my cat let out the biggest moan I have ever heard, while we were both in the living room. My dad heard and accused me of watching porn. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 454

You deserved it 3 217

11/04/2011 04:01

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend actually remembered our anniversary. Not our anniversary of being together, which he forgot last month, but the anniversary of him getting his first blow job from me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 749

You deserved it 9 272

17/11/2018 13:30

Today, I found out that while I was at college, my brother downloaded three terabytes of porn on my laptop and blamed it on me. My parents believed him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 322

You deserved it 277

20/11/2012 19:45

Today, this guy I've been dating for a few months freaked out and called his mom crying, because I told him I might be pregnant with his baby. He is 27. I didn't even take a pregnancy test yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 853

You deserved it 30 877

06/01/2010 01:10

Today, I went on a blind date that my best friend had set up for me. When I arrived, I introduced myself and we sat at the table. After we ordered our food, he asked the waiter for some crayons and a kid's menu, and colored for the half hour before our food came. He didn't talk to me at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 434

You deserved it 4 001

A bug, not a feature

By Anonymous - 22/04/2021 14:01

Today, I forget to remove my mask before I spitting. What a good day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 1 254

17/02/2009 02:34

Today, my grandmother told me that not only does she not accept me as a homosexual man, but that she feels my relationship with a little person is "spitting in God's face." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 383

You deserved it 12 962

17/09/2010 18:37

Today, while cleaning behind a ladder, I banged my head on one of the hand rails. I stood up, cursed, and moved to the other side. To my luck, I hit the other side of my head. I now have two lumps perfectly placed as horns on my head. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 603

You deserved it 6 709

Pants on fire

By Lucille - 07/09/2019 00:01

Today, while going through my daughter’s room, I found a pair of pants with the security tag still attached. My daughter is a thief. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 414

You deserved it 278

30/09/2013 08:04

Today, my dad asked me to stop calling him "dad" because it’s too weird for his girlfriend’s kids to hear, because they call him dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 139

You deserved it 2 820

09/04/2009 12:33

Today, I was at the orthodontist. As the lady was clipping my brackets, she missed and clipped my gums instead. She looked at me and said, "Oh sorry, you're bleeding really badly. See, I got these fake nails put on and I guess I'm just not used to them. Let me try again." She missed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 83 429

You deserved it 3 192

Kids are assholes to each other

By sphear880 - 21/05/2021 19:59

Today, I have discovered that my daughter is struggling with anorexia. When I sat down to talk with her about it, she said it’s because, "all the other kids at school keep calling her fat." She was underweight before, and has now gone to being severely underweight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 52

02/08/2010 01:59

Today, I pretended to go for a run to impress someone on AIM. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 183

You deserved it 38 927

I'm a meme

By karen - 27/09/2019 14:00

Today, as always, my name is Karen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 577

You deserved it 384

Stained

By Anonymous - 06/05/2020 05:00

Today, I found out that my wife's dog had peed on my side of the bed, while I was sleeping. I thought I had just drooled in my sleep, until I noticed it had turned yellow during the day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 347

You deserved it 161

Pump and dump

By Anonymous - 05/07/2021 16:00

Today, my husband had to admit that he lost 5000$ on a cryptocurrency scam that some asshole Twitch streamer convinced him to invest in via Twitter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 890

You deserved it 126

13/05/2013 14:16

Today, I'm so strapped for cash that I smuggled toilet paper out of my mother's house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 112

You deserved it 7 289

22/03/2009 22:40

Today, I was on the bus going to formal for my sorority. I was sitting in the 5th row of the bus when I felt raindrops on my face coming through the open window. I then realized it wasn't raining, but the girl in the 1st row was throwing up out her window and it was coming back in through my window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 164 646

You deserved it 11 557

27/05/2011 10:45

Today, my mother went shopping. She bought three boxes of Popsicles and a giant stuffed dog. She did not buy dinner or toilet paper. I've eaten nothing but cereal and popcorn for three days now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 832

You deserved it 5 650

11/03/2016 22:09

Spicy

Today, I lost what should've been the easiest bet ever. Now I have to let my girlfriend go at me with a strap-on or forever be known as a sore loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 824

You deserved it 20 583

12/12/2010 19:36

Today, I was messing around on my laptop by drawing on the screen with a marker pen. When it came time to clean it off, it wouldn't budge. Now I have a full beard and mustache etched permanently on my computer screen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 126

You deserved it 121 614

23/06/2013 14:42

Today, it was the second anniversary of the day I met my girlfriend. I had to go to work, but I set an engagement ring and a letter on my pillow for when she woke up, and left breakfast for her on the counter. When I got home, she and all of her things were gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 63 858

You deserved it 9 465

18/08/2011 13:38

Today, I walked in on my parents discussing how to kill our cat, and how to make it look like an accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 669

You deserved it 3 437

08/10/2013 17:57

Spicy

Today, my wife's pregnancy hormones got so bad that she freaked out and threw a tantrum, accusing me of always making important decisions for her. All I did was get her some food from Taco Bell as a surprise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 506

You deserved it 5 770

01/03/2018 19:30

Today, while wearing a sexy pair of undies for my partner and taking him out on a nice dinner, I trusted a fart walking from the car to the restaurant and shit myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 982

You deserved it 1 696

29/12/2011 19:01

Today, I tore a muscle in my back. At the hospital, I was prescribed some pain medication. My husband got me settled at home, with everything I needed within reach, and left for work. As I picked up the bottle to take the first pill, I knocked it on the floor. It rolled under the couch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 452

You deserved it 3 922

Thanks, great feedback everyone!

By Anonymous - 27/01/2021 23:01

Today, after years of not meeting my partner's family, along with the new arrival of our daughter, we decided to travel to meet them all and introduce our bundle of joy. Instead of the usual welcoming committee, all they could go on about was whether or not my daughter was his because of how fair toned she is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 842

You deserved it 86

What did I do?

By Ryan McArdle - 25/01/2021 10:58

Today, I tried to log into Instagram for the first time in 2 days. They deactivated my account for violating their guidelines. I haven't posted a picture or made a comment in months. FML

I agree, your life sucks 695

You deserved it 92

09/09/2011 00:34

Spicy

Today, my girlfriend told me she knows I've been cheating on her, and is desperate to prove she's "better than that other slut, or it's over between us." I've been pushed down and forcefully kissed ten times now. All because she saw a pic online of me kissing a girl. It was her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 942

You deserved it 5 004

01/10/2011 02:01

Today, as I was walking home from school with my guy friends, my dad pulled up by the sidewalk, offered me a handful of dollar bills and said, "Get in, baby." Only after we drove away and he started laughing did I realize I'll probably never hear the end of this at school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 255

You deserved it 6 820

Statistics

By Anonymous - 09/09/2020 05:01

Spicy

Today, I found out that my 7 friends, with a total of 23 past boyfriends in 11 years, have had 0 orgasms during sex. As someone whose sex ed was basically porn, it felt like finding out Santa wasn't real, but worse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 418

You deserved it 457

13/09/2009 14:00

Today, I went to the mall and couldn't find a parking spot. After circling around for 20 minutes, I finally saw a shaded spot in the uncovered parking lot area under a tree. It turns out, I parked under a coconut tree. I could tell from the coconut planted into my hood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 840

You deserved it 9 668

02/05/2014 00:23

Today, I had an ingrown toenail cut out, and the pain medication I received does not actually help with the pain. Instead, it makes me high, which results in me losing balance and slamming my injured toe into objects and then getting sick from that new pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 280

You deserved it 4 703

10/03/2009 15:01

Today, a man in my town was arrested for hiding methanphetamine in a hollowed out walking cane and distributing it to the population of his retirement complex. That man was my 58 year old father. FML

I agree, your life sucks 76 187

You deserved it 3 418

15/04/2011 01:09

Today, I got dressed up for the first time in days to go have sushi with a friend. When I walked out to my car, I noticed that the passenger window was shattered and the car robbed. What's worse is I'd forgotten to lock the side doors anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 787

You deserved it 5 978

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:01

You can go to the front desk and ask for more towels

nonsensical 26

Monday 8 August 2016 5:02

Well that's inconsiderate! I hope you didn't have to wait long for someone in the hotel to deliver you more towels...

Comments

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:01

You can go to the front desk and ask for more towels

LostInLife94 29

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:30

by the time he noticed he was already showered

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Monday 8 August 2016 6:10

Exactly, #15. Why does this comment even has the most likes

cootiequeen4444 11

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Monday 8 August 2016 8:08

people must like the idea of exhibitionists or something

wasliedtoasakid 22

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Saturday 13 August 2016 8:54

Or OP could have used the extra blanket. Almost every hotel I've been to has had an extra blanket on a shelf in the closet. I would have just used that. You gotta do what you gotta do.

nonsensical 26

Monday 8 August 2016 5:02

Well that's inconsiderate! I hope you didn't have to wait long for someone in the hotel to deliver you more towels...

AirBusDriver 23

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:02

Justifiable Ass-Whooping.

crudeandrudeguy 29

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:03

It's inconvenient but not really a your life is fucked moment. My wife on the other hand has been doing the exact same thing for over 10 years...

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:06

Should have just used his bed linen...

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:09

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.. Show it anyway

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Monday 8 August 2016 22:33

How did this get downvoted lol.

moodyreallyrocks 27

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:10

Time to have a talk with your hotel roommate about common ettiquette..

limegreenpoopie 31

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:10

Ask for more towels? Duh

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Monday 8 August 2016 7:34

So, should she go to the desk naked to request them? Or would it be better to have them delivered to the room and answer the door naked?

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Monday 8 August 2016 14:50

It's not a woman, op is a man

xx000o 27

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Monday 8 August 2016 21:09

In this time of amazing technology, he could possibly use one of them there tellyphones to call the front desk and request more towels.

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:11

Just tell him the bare truth

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Monday 8 August 2016 5:15

This is the stupidest FML I have ever read. How did this make the cut?