Miscellaneous: Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd...

By Anonymous - 06/02/2015 08:26 - Canada - Maple Ridge

Today, after a day, I finally noticed that the toilet paper I'd been using to wipe my butt is actually a roll of paper towel cut in half. My dad thinks that it's a waste of money to buy proper paper. Guess who had to unclog the toilet twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 032

You deserved it 3 158

Miscellaneous

Mama's boy

Our house, in the middle of our street

No Future

By Yudor - 21/12/2008 09:40 - France

Today, my girlfriend told me that she woke up after yesterday’s party with someone else’s trousers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 407

You deserved it 2 417

Stranded

By mmmmmm no - 24/06/2021 02:00

Today. I worked my 10-hour shift and drove over 3 hours to the hotel that I'd reserved a room at for 3 nights. The hotel required ID to get a room with a bank or credit card. I realized I'd lost my state ID, they wouldn't accept my work photo ID, they won't let me pay cash… No ID, no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 805

You deserved it 137

By mandy_2480 - 19/02/2012 02:08 - China

Today, I had to stop my 26 year old fiancé from picking his nose and eating it like a little boy. Three times. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 165

You deserved it 4 925

By Anonymous - 09/12/2012 20:03 - New Zealand - Auckland

Today, my doctor finally prescribed me some medication for my arthritis. The cap was insanely well-secured, and my hands were too racked with pain to get it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 270

You deserved it 1 847

By dancer, not a hooker... - 05/05/2013 05:01 - Canada - Penticton

Today, I finished a dance competition. With competitions, it requires you to wear a lot of makeup like false eyelashes and red lipstick. I went into a Starbucks to get a coffee and a boy around 18 asked me, in all seriousness, what my rate is for one night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 500

You deserved it 11 638

By ash - 13/06/2011 03:20 - United States

Today, my boyfriend told me that he is homophobic. This wouldn't be such a big deal, if my mother wasn't a lesbian. He doesn't know this yet, and I'm afraid to tell him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 413

You deserved it 6 994

By PigPen - 27/09/2009 05:00 - United States

Today, I had lunch with friends I hadn't seen in years. We took a few group shots with my camera, and I went home and downloaded them to my computer. Seeing them on my monitor, I noticed a yellow spot on my black shirt, so I looked down. A big, dried booger was stuck there. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 126

You deserved it 10 775

By AdoKitty - 11/06/2015 03:04 - United States - Redlands

Today, the 4-year-old I was babysitting came up to me all happy, saying she went to the bathroom like a "big girl". Knowing she was just potty trained, I asked if she'd remembered to flush. Looking at me confused, she said, "But it's in my room." FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 979

You deserved it 2 263

By FacebookStrikesAgain - 21/01/2014 23:59 - Puerto Rico - Bayamon

Today, my girlfriend told me the reason why my credit card mysteriously maxed out 2 months ago 'might have been' because she posted a picture of it on Facebook. I ordered a new credit card without the custom picture of us immediately. She broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 403

You deserved it 6 109

By itsgotime - 20/03/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I was running to my car, slipped, and slammed my head on the car door. I started driving to the hospital because it was bleeding profusely and I was dizzy, I called my mom to tell her what had happened. She said I was grounded for "goofing off" and that she was "sick of my shit". FML

I agree, your life sucks 98 235

You deserved it 7 890

By Anonymous - 24/08/2014 05:51 - United States - Hicksville

Today, my girlfriend sent me a bunch of sexy pics and said to come over to her place. I thought she was in the mood for sex. Nope, she just wanted me to come over and hang a shelf, after which she sent me back home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 872

You deserved it 7 007

By Username - 27/01/2011 03:54

Today, the guy who sits next to me in my psychology class openly admitted to torturing animals as a child. It's going to be a long semester. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 358

You deserved it 2 840

By YES I MEAN *EX* GIRLFRIEND - 17/08/2015 20:14 - Canada

Today, to prove that my girlfriend is a "total skank", my best friend seduced her and showed me the video he secretly filmed of it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 520

You deserved it 3 428

By Anonymous - 05/02/2013 22:59 - United States - San Antonio

Today, I found out my boyfriend sleeps on a Princess Leia pillow. He's 22. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 702

You deserved it 9 111

On the beat

By Anonymous - 11/09/2020 00:02 - Greece - Thessaloniki

Today, in my orchestra, I was one of the 2 instruments that starts first. The conductor raised his hands, but while I was waiting for the preparatory beats, I blinked. When I opened my eyes, the conductor had already started. I started late, in front of a thousand people. The conductor is still angry with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 136

You deserved it 507

By Anonymous - 03/03/2010 02:37 - United States

Today, I was talking to my best friend about a cute guy that girls are afraid to even speak to, so I then decided to march right up to him and say hello. When he smiled at me, I stood there with my mouth wide open, but I made non-coherent words. He asked me if I was a foreign exchange student. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 039

You deserved it 29 505

By someone72 - 22/03/2010 23:20 - United States

Today, I got excited when my phone vibrated cause I thought someone actually wanted to talk to me. When I grabbed my phone I realized my mind played a trick on me and I only thought it vibrated. I'm so lonely I subconsciously trick myself into thinking I have friends. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 834

You deserved it 7 569

Wanker

By alicia - 20/12/2012 22:45 - Canada - Montreal

Today, I had to explain to my fiancé that having me watch him jerk off over a porno is not in fact considered foreplay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 190

You deserved it 11 956

He was just chillin'

By Anonymous - 04/07/2021 13:59

Today, I was taking a shower when I noticed the huge spider above my head. Now, being the smart person I am, I sprayed the water up at it, causing it to fall. Right on my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 900

By o_O - 23/06/2013 17:26 - United States - Bowling Green

Today, I took my cat to the vet. The creepy vet looked me in the eyes and said, "This isn't the only pussy I'll be checking out today." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 191

You deserved it 4 123

Actor's Studio

By darthmilfious - 31/03/2010 07:56 - France

Today, I was having sex with my boyfriend. I was making a list of things to do tomorrow while faking an orgasm when I realize my boyfriend had finished about two minutes ago. He's pissed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 641

You deserved it 68 847

By Flaps - 27/11/2010 12:36 - United States

Today, my boss fired me for being on Facebook at work. He did it via a wall post on Facebook saying, "ur fired." Six of my friends liked this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 029

You deserved it 38 492

By Vomit - 17/12/2018 05:00

Today, we had a patient projectile vomiting in our ambulance. I didn't know she had puked on our cot until I found it with my bare hand at the hospital. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 310

You deserved it 192

By shutupandsmile18 - 18/04/2009 02:32 - United States

Today, I was petting my cat when my new mood ring turned bright purple. I checked the piece of paper that came with the ring and saw that purple meant I was feeling "hot, sexy, and passionate." According to my ring, I'm hot for my cat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 970

You deserved it 16 781

By Cogibbt - 03/08/2019 12:00 - Canada

Today, my mom found out that paper is made from trees. She read it on a garbage truck. I then had to explain to her how it's made. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 477

You deserved it 116

By Anonymous - 12/06/2015 02:12 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I had to use the bathroom really badly in a drug store. After I did a #2, just as I realized the handle on the toilet was broken, a knock came at the door. I tried fixing it for ten minutes, before slipping out the door, to come face to face with two employees coming to fix the toilet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 806

You deserved it 2 748

By idontevengetpaid - 05/09/2016 04:35 - Brazil - Rio De Janeiro

Today, I arrived at my internship at 7 am after three hours of sleep with a massive hangover. When I got there, my boss told me he had made a mistake and I was meant to come in next week. He then said, "Well, now that you're here, you might as well get some work done. Come in next week as well." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 112

You deserved it 15 149

By well i'm fucked - 03/02/2014 22:47 - United States - Aberdeen

Today, my girlfriend of three weeks basically threatened to kill herself if I don't start thinking about having a child with her soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 61 086

You deserved it 6 829

By kj1 - 17/02/2014 18:28 - United States - Draper

Today, my boyfriend yelled at me from the other room for washing the dishes "too loudly". FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 213

You deserved it 6 677

By boned - 27/01/2010 05:25 - United States

Today, I checked my university financial account to discover I owed them over $1000. The reason? They had apparently given me too much money when I applied for a loan and now want it back. Oh, and I spent my loan money on books and a laptop for school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 355

You deserved it 3 297

By Anonymous - 22/10/2018 03:00

Today, my husband misheard me when I said I wanted a massage with sensual oils. He used essential oils instead. Essential oils are not meant to be used on the skin, trust me. My skin looks like a cross between sandpaper and pus-filled bubble wrap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 453

You deserved it 353

By Anonymous - 30/05/2016 02:32 - United States - San Francisco

Today, I was at church singing and my solo came up. As I walked through the crowd, this big woman caught the holy spirit and slapped the crap out of me. It was so hard, my fake tooth came out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 210

You deserved it 1 424

By Anonymous - 07/08/2012 20:13 - Canada - Pierrefonds

Today, I was at a Chinese buffet, and I got a fortune cookie. I opened it, and it said, "The love of your life is sitting across from you". The only thing across from me was an empty chair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 562

You deserved it 3 515

By S - 21/05/2009 04:04 - United States

Today, I was surprised to learn that I could carry on intelligent conversations about basketball with my guy friends. Then I realized it was because my boyfriend insists on watching ESPN while we have sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 60 674

You deserved it 8 439

By Anonymous - 19/01/2018 15:00

Today, I tried to propose to my girlfriend, but when I took out the ring it flew out of the box and disappeared. She's been crying for 3 hours and I'm down 2 grand. I still don't know what her answer is. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 611

You deserved it 521

By Whywhywhy - 20/08/2017 13:01

Today, my daughter decided to draw me a heart for my birthday. Unfortunately, she drew it on the side of my car. With a rock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 262

You deserved it 360

By Anonymous - 26/06/2012 05:44 - United States

Today, I burned my nose. How? I tried sniffing a lit candle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 198

You deserved it 52 299

Senpai Noticed

By HelenErutherford - 09/07/2018 01:30

Today, my period started. It wouldn't be a big deal if it hadn't happened while I was in my karate class practicing kicks, and if the guy I have a crush on hadn't informed me of it after chuckling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 153

You deserved it 298

By Anonymous - 23/10/2010 16:01 - United States

Today, my parents told me about how they met. I'd already known they were eight years apart, but I never knew my dad started dating my mom when he was 21 and she was 13. FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 601

You deserved it 4 090

By Anonymous - 01/11/2009 11:33 - Germany

Today, I arrived in my dorm at 3 am to find my roommate passed out and a nauseating stench. While I was gone, he got drunk and puked all over the walls, carpet, and both beds. His inebriated attempt to clean up the mess consisted of smearing his vomit everywhere with my shower robe. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 2 344

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Top comments

stieglar 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:43

Just buy your own toilet paper and keep it in your room

Jasim 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:44

Buying toilet paper is just cheaper and easier than going through this hassle. Anyway, does it clean better? :D

cats400 16

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:42

Buy your own toilet paper!!

WOTAN1488 24

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Friday 6 February 2015 19:53

Why thumbs down??

incoherentrmblr 21

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Friday 6 February 2015 22:31

At least you didn't have to use wallpaper like the other person did on FML here...

stieglar 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:43

Just buy your own toilet paper and keep it in your room

chosha_fml 25

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Friday 6 February 2015 22:40

His dad will probably still make him unclog the toilet when the dad clogs it.

Cassmoneyyy 15

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Saturday 7 February 2015 3:56

Been there, done that. Then my mother in law got mad at us for not sharing. She would use a roll a day. No wonder! So happy we got out of there as soon as we could.

curlytop101 23

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:43

Sounds like a shitty situation...

teapotrevolt 27

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:51

I'm so with you here #6, *jumps out same window, smh*

JMichael 25

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:52

There's always that one.

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 6 February 2015 17:25

Why all the jumping out windows? Why not take the elevator?..... Oh it's broken. Well I'm not taking the stairs. *jumps out window*

kieralumina 30

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Friday 6 February 2015 20:20

and here we find the obligatory "shitty situation, etc." pun.

knight2109 12

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Friday 6 February 2015 20:59

its not even a pun anymore, and I'd much rather throw someone else out the window personally.

skittle_QUEEN_YO 15

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Friday 6 February 2015 23:15

Its always been on my bucket list! *gets thrown out a window*

Jasim 17

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:44

Buying toilet paper is just cheaper and easier than going through this hassle. Anyway, does it clean better? :D

MrSassypants 32

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Friday 6 February 2015 19:04

It is cheaper and I use toilet paper for many things, but my teacher was always upset when I wrote my essays on it.

ComoEsJuan 24

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:45

Man, that's rough.

cryssycakesx3 22

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Friday 6 February 2015 18:56

john wayne toilet paper...

HeWillBeLoved105 22

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:49

How do you not notice the different texture?

SlipperyNipple 9

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Friday 6 February 2015 17:34

Exactly what im wondering...

ashingtondc 3

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Friday 6 February 2015 21:17

well the stuff they use at my school is worse than paper towels OP probably just didn't give it much thought while wiping

tehdarkness 21

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Saturday 7 February 2015 3:50

If it was soft, then I'll bet t's more expensive than regular TP.

JMichael 25

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Friday 6 February 2015 16:53

Wouldn't you have noticed it wasn't toilet paper? Paper towels have got to be rough on the ass..

MrConcise 34

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Friday 6 February 2015 21:26

Back in my day, we used to wipe our asses with tree bark and sandpaper. Kids these days...taking their non-bleeding anuses for granted.

doodlecloud 26

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Friday 6 February 2015 23:15

I'm a bit confused. Are paper towels different in the US? In England they're a bit thicker but not rough, they're more plush. They're also more expensive.

JMichael 25

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Saturday 7 February 2015 1:32

Yes here in the US most paper towel brands are a bit rough in texture. So I would assume that'd be a bit uncomfortable to wipe your ass with it.

Mauskau 35

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Saturday 7 February 2015 3:31

Depends on the paper towels. The ones we had at school were thick and blue, and just blowing your nose with them felt like sandpaper. The ones in my office are similar but white, and the ones on a roll are indented on one side. In my gym we have very thin paper towels. All of these can be quite rough though.