Love: Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to... - FML

By rozsrredd - 08/07/2014 05:41 - United States - Lancaster

Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 968

You deserved it 4 157

Another great day to be alive

Get on with it!

Paper trail

By Anonymous - 30/10/2017 19:30 - United States - Chesapeake

Today, I was so proud of a clever analogy I'd written to a friend in a text, that I “dropped the mic” afterward. I realized what I'd done a split second before the phone hit the ground and shattered into a million pieces. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 253

You deserved it 5 408

By whyme - 12/04/2017 22:00

Today, I met a wonderful man and agreed to go on a date. Halfway through the date, he started telling about how much he hates his wife. And his four kids. I texted him after I walked out, saying not to call me again. He agreed. His wife didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 359

You deserved it 333

By Anonymous - 09/11/2011 21:52 - United States

Today, I thought it would be a good idea to let my 19-month-old son watch me pee, since I'm trying to potty train him. I didn't consider that he might try to grab my penis. When he did, I was startled and peed all over the floor and my son. Good job dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 451

You deserved it 24 577

There's insane and then there's this guy

By Anonymous - 30/03/2020 08:00

Today, my idiot boss, who says he used to be an EMT, thinks that all safety precautions in the company COVID-19 response memo and everything we’ve heard from the WHO and CDC is bull and removed the gloves from everyone’s truck. We’re a plumbing and drain company. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 118

You deserved it 100

By ouch - 13/08/2009 04:32 - United States

Today, I was babysitting 3 toddlers. I wanted to entertain them by making them laugh, but nothing worked. Later on, I started down the stairs, but tripped and tumbled down. I realized I have broken my arm and bruised my knees. I also realized that kids think it's hilarious when you get injured. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 949

You deserved it 4 737

By Anonymous - 22/09/2010 14:36 - United States

Today, a girl I work with was talking to me in an Eeyore voice. I'm not sure if it's because she's sad and pathetic, or if she thinks I'm sad and pathetic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 805

You deserved it 3 890

By anonymous - 12/05/2011 02:20

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 811

You deserved it 13 516

By nico - 01/07/2011 04:15 - United States

Today, I broke my collarbone in a rugby tournament. I was forced to sit through five more hours of games because the coach wouldn't take me to the hospital until the tournament was over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 762

You deserved it 3 607

You tried

By Anonymous - 08/06/2021 06:01

Today, in an effort to try and be closer to my girlfriend's son, I bought him an expensive Xbox game I know he desperately wanted so we could play it together. He was excited, until he realised that I that paid for it. He snapped the disc and threw the pieces in the bin. At least I tried. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 402

You deserved it 180

Sad news

By Anonymous - 04/05/2021 11:01

Today, after years of crushing over my best friend, I finally got the guts to tell her about my feelings, only to find out she has been secretly dating my roommate. I could not have been more depressed. My whole life feels shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 872

You deserved it 246

A slight hiccup

By maddie - 14/03/2021 21:30

Today, I got the hiccups at work no fewer than ten times in a row. I'm a cashier and not allowed to leave to go get water. Not only that, but I was called into the office to discuss my “drinking problem.” I don’t drink. FML

I agree, your life sucks 931

You deserved it 39

By Anonymous - 20/10/2010 07:00 - United States

Today, I met my roommate for the first time. I walked in the door to see him in full Roman gladiator gear, screaming at the computer because he lost 18 knights. He also told me he wakes up every 3 hours to make sure his army is still intact. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 267

You deserved it 3 505

By mr.palendrome - 06/03/2009 02:27 - United States

Today, I was teasing my little brother. Later that night, I went to the bathroom to wash up. While I'm brushing my teeth, my little brother slips a photo under the door that shows him scrubbing my toothbrush against his nuts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 330

You deserved it 28 050

Close shave

By Anonymous - 13/12/2021 20:00

Today, my mom got a new furnace put in because they found out the old one was leaking carbon monoxide. This is six months after I got kicked out because I was sleeping too much, so my mom thought I was using drugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 210

You deserved it 72

By limegreengiraffe - 01/11/2014 14:06 - United States - Lubbock

Today, my boyfriend and I went shopping for an engagement ring. We ended up breaking up in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 384

You deserved it 7 267

By Anonymous - 12/05/2009 18:29 - United States

Today, my boss in my police dept. told me to start enforcing the "no bikes on sidewalks" law which we usually ignore. I pulled up behind the first person I saw riding a bike on a sidewalk and flashed my lights. It turned out to be a boy with down syndrome who was so upset he cried and peed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 485

You deserved it 14 562

By raiyne - 11/01/2011 13:34

Today, while parallel parked, a car stopped next to me, backed up, and hit the woman behind him. When she pulled off to the side to check for damage, she slammed into me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 621

You deserved it 1 983

Rich people problems

By emptypockets - 28/06/2020 17:00

Today, after spending thousands of dollars on remodelling and painting our house, making it exactly how we wanted it, my husband's grandma passed away, leaving us her house. I’m debating on ripping everything out and taking it to the new house my hubby is so eager to move into now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 545

You deserved it 342

By struckbystarzz - 27/03/2015 13:12 - United States - Taunton

Today, my stomach started to hurt. When I got home, my parents had company over, which I had to rush past to use the bathroom. After being in the bathroom for about 3 minutes, my mother yells to me from the other room, in front of the guests, "Are you OK in there?" I'm 27. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 429

You deserved it 4 062

By Username - 28/02/2012 00:37 - United States

Today, my friend and I were playing football in the street, when out of nowhere a homeless man sucker punches me in the gut, grabs my football, and runs away laughing like a maniac. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 515

You deserved it 3 032

By blueheron93 - 13/11/2010 14:25 - Germany

Today, I realized that the only boy who ever called me pretty was my 5-year-old brother. My sister then scolded him for lying. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 090

You deserved it 3 060

By Zora - 15/07/2012 23:13 - Norway - Bergen

Today, while shopping, my six-year-old son threw a tantrum because I wouldn't buy him a video game. I ended up having to grab his arm and leave the store. He screamed that I was kidnapping him, at which point I was socked in the face and pinned to the floor by three bystanders. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 154

You deserved it 3 753

By Anonymous - 12/02/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I found out that my boyfriend cheated on me with my best friend. I texted her and I would never talk to her again. But I accidentally sent it to my other best friend, who responded, "I'm so sorry, I never meant for you to find out". My two best friends cheated with my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 62 256

You deserved it 4 736

By infrontofninepeople - 30/06/2015 20:31 - Hungary - Budapest

Today, I went on a Segway tour in Budapest. The Segways have an automatic speed limiter, and to release it and get back to normal speed, you have to brake. Unfortunately, I forgot my speed limiter was on and so, while trying to brake, I instead returned to normal speed and crashed into a tree. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 360

You deserved it 4 674

By bakergirl - 16/11/2009 10:40 - Australia

Today, my boss made me wear reindeer antlers to promote the Christmas spirit. There are still 5 weeks till Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 956

You deserved it 3 968

By MrGullible - 17/04/2019 00:00

Today, I found out that not only did I pay for my wife to travel overseas to see her brother but to bang some guy half her age as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 298

You deserved it 180

Natural birth

By Anonymous - 12/08/2021 04:01

Today, during labor, I farted every time I pushed with very deep sounds. I was so ashamed. I pushed so hard, I pooped and splashed the nurse in front of me right in the face. Everyone stopped laughing and the nurse didn’t talk until baby came. When my husband called my in-laws, it’s the first thing he told them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 356

You deserved it 111

By Anonymous - 19/05/2015 14:01 - United Kingdom - London

Spicy

Today, I bought my first vibrator. I was really excited, until my crippling OCD kicked in, forcing me to turn it on and off seven times in rapid succession, causing it to give off a cracking sound and stop working. Now I'm sad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 115

You deserved it 12 773

By sociallyanxiousroomie - 19/04/2016 10:22 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my roommates had a party while I stayed in my room, and that was fine by me. What was not fine was when a stranger broke into my room, asked to lay next to me, and then just went ahead and did it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 464

You deserved it 1 613

By je_regrette_tout - 09/03/2013 18:50 - France - Livry-gargan

Spicy

Today, a technician from my ISP came to my house to replace my router. He asked for a glass of water, one thing led to another, and for some reason I'll never fully understand, we ended up having sex. Looks like porn logic is not so far off the mark after all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 158

You deserved it 66 069

By Anonymous - 24/01/2015 18:33 - Romania - Campina

Today, it's been 3 months since my dog scratched my 9 year old granddaughter after she walked over and repeatedly kicked him. My daughter has disowned me and won't let me see my own grandchildren until I have my companion of 11 years "destroyed". FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 231

You deserved it 2 897

By Anonymous - 06/10/2015 03:46 - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, I finally got a job so I could stop missing out on going out with my friends every weekend. Turns out I work only Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays, and there's no way around it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 378

You deserved it 4 810

Technologically challenged

By Weirdo - 22/11/2020 08:02

Today, once again, my mom chewed me out for, “playing games on the computer all day.” I’m not playing, it’s 3D modeling, and it’s my job. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 067

You deserved it 58

Connection

By Anonymous - 22/08/2015 05:49 - Canada - London

Today, my coworker called me a liar when I said I've been to New York. This is the same psycho who honestly expects me to believe that she and Brad Pitt have a "thing" and that he secretly communicates with her through interviews on TV. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 825

You deserved it 1 787

Indecent proposal

By Dude wtf - 19/04/2021 02:02

Spicy

Today, a guy propositioned me for a threesome with his girlfriend. I don't know what's worse, the fact that he's knows I'm gay and have a boyfriend, or the fact that his girlfriend is my sister. He seemed confused as to why I turned him down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 393

You deserved it 100

Adapt, overcome, improvise

By Amy - 06/03/2020 07:00

Today, I was squeezed through an overly-crowded hallway down to my psychologist's. There, I sat in an overly-crowded waiting room to see him, next to an obese woman and an insane man. I finally entered the smaller-than-a-closet room. My reason for seeing a psychologist? Claustrophobia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 524

You deserved it 148

By horribletimeeverywhere74747 - 11/04/2018 13:00 - United States - Navarre

Today, the girl who'd asked me to prom told me she assumed we weren't going together and is now going with her friends. After agreeing to go with her, I'd bought a $200 non-refundable suit along with the ticket. I have no one else to go with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 496

You deserved it 365

By clueless2 - 20/02/2009 15:38 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up happy because I'd met the man of my dreams at a bar. We had shared an amazing night together. I walked around my apartment, wondering where he'd went. Turns out, he was gone. So was my car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 223

You deserved it 27 651

Hey Scratchy!

By Anonymous - 03/09/2019 18:00

Today, I got a mosquito bite under each armpit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 436

You deserved it 162

No fun

By Anonymous - 03/01/2021 20:01

Today, I was finishing a cigarette outside of the mall when we heard someone fart. Turns out it was a little girl. They looked around, so jokingly I said, "We didn't hear anything." Her family giggled and so did we, until everyone realized the little girl was now sobbing. I'm a POS. FML

I agree, your life sucks 757

You deserved it 163

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Top comments

Paco_el_Taco 17

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:58

Looks like the gift of divorce to me. Oh and Happy Birthday!

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:58

Get rid of him. You deserve better than trash. Happy Birthday! I hope your day gets better!

Comments

Paco_el_Taco 17

Send a private message

Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:58

Looks like the gift of divorce to me. Oh and Happy Birthday!

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:04

He couldn't foot the bill, so he decided to split the difference.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:11

Split a few other things as well.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:40

A Last minute Walgreens gift: $19.99 The gas it took to speed away from the scene of the lascivious crime: $6.99 The knowledge that you will send him back to studio appartments in the divorce: Priceless.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:53

Divorce money is a great bday present, get a lot of it

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 17:41

I don't understand why people cheat. fyl op.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 22:13

This Fml reminded me of the South Park episode where Butters' dad went to look for an anniversary present, but was really going to gay clubs.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:58

Omg Im so sorry! What a jerk!!

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:58

Get rid of him. You deserve better than trash. Happy Birthday! I hope your day gets better!

pd2902 22

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:59

awh shit :( sorry to hear that OP :( hope you can still try and enjoy your birthday :/

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:59

It's the gift that keeps on giving

LifeAlertTwerk 14

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:12

I'm pretty sure this wasn't the gift she was looking for...

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:54

I thought that was herpes? Meh, who knows? I could be wrong.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:54

You're thinking of chlamydia.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:59

He was infiltrating the closet of a rich girl for your gift, you just happened to see the seduction part of the mission.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:30

That's not the only thing he was infiltrating...

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 16:39

He was deep under covers.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 16:49

His gadgets were very handy in this mission. ;)

ryanthecheeseguy 18

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 14:59

Happy Birthday, Op! Don't let a douche like him ruin your special day!

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 22:48

Happy Birthday op! I hope you still have a good day despite that douche.

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:00

Well he was stupid.But how did you find out?

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Friday 11 July 2014 18:38

I want to know too

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:00

That's disgusting, you don't deserve shit like that!

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Tuesday 8 July 2014 15:00

In return, you can search from divorce office to divorce office for some divorce papers for him.

Nearly

Today I ripped my lovely £50 coat on barbed wire, what I only worn a hand full of times, ended up having to spend £10 to get it repaired, have to wait till Friday to pick it up, it’s only Tuesday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8

You deserved it 7

Today, a tech came to repair my cracked phone screen. He told me to remove my case and took it to his van in my driveway to fix it. Thirty minutes later, he rings my doorbell and hands me my phone back. He says he fixed the screen but tripped and dropped it walking back to my house, and completely shattered the back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65

You deserved it 4

Spicy

Spicy

Today, I spent all day waiting for an unlikely follow up text from the girl from Tinder I let peg me on the first date. FML

I agree, your life sucks 320

You deserved it 863

Today, I swear I'm off men for good after my latest dud date wanted me to pee on his chest to turn him on, and we were only 20 minutes into the first date. The entire male gender are disgusting pigs, no matter how nice they pretend to be. FML

I agree, your life sucks 784

You deserved it 1 073