Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML
Collection
Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML
Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my husband ran in to get something, shouted that he “had to go, I’ll call you later, bye” then ran out. At no point did he notice the wrapped present, his favourite meal and beer, and me naked on the living room carpet waiting to celebrate his birthday. I still don’t know where he is. FML
Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML
Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML
Today, my husband said he was going to get errands. According to his job’s Instagram page which I follow, he was actually at his work Christmas formal. He never invited me. That’s not all. I also found his wedding band in the bathroom sink. Very close to the drain. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
Looks like the gift of divorce to me. Oh and Happy Birthday!
MomentoMori 23
Get rid of him. You deserve better than trash. Happy Birthday! I hope your day gets better!
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Comments (98)
Respect101 17
Maybe his girlfriend is your birthday present? He was just warming up? I got nothing. Sorry OP!
inowhtthefoxsays 20
Here is my first ever comment on here! Yay me lol. Anyway for all you preachers out there going on and on about love and the sanctity of marriage and blah blah blah. Please allow me to express my point of view on the subject. Not condoning cheating or any of those actions but simply put: Marriage is betting another person half your stuff that you are going to love them forever. Hope I brightened someone's day. Oh. Happy birthday op.
QuaSiCos 10
like your user id #58. And to debate your point on marriage. If you make a commitment it is either all the way or not at all. Right??
Sakuraashita 15
That sucks, OP, how did you find out?
Pixiecrack 11
wow sorry OP that sounds like my ex boyfriend, he did the same thing...and we had only been dating a few months...jackass was too selfish
RoseCrystal 17
Well now you can get a birthday gift, everything he owns plus alimony!
skyeyez9 25
What a horrible piece of shit your hopefully soon to be Ex husband is!
fantasyworld 39
Apparently wedding vows have lost all meaning.
squarecircles 13
The gift of being single with the opportunity of finding someone better. Now that's a good bday gift.
carrotcart 15
well that escalated quickly
91hayek 31
Sorry you had to find out on your birthday OP. Give yourself the best present this year and get rid of him.