Today, my husband told me he was going to search from store to store in order to find my birthday gift. What was he really doing? His girlfriend. FML
Collection
Black Friday
70% off something you didn't need, a stampede and a cart that crashes at checkout. Thanks, Black Friday.
Today, I went to the store to get Valentine's Day gifts to decorate my boyfriend's and my new apartment. He was there shopping with his wife. FML
Today, it's my birthday. I worked late, so I was looking forward to spending a quiet evening with my husband. When he suggested we go grocery shopping, I got excited thinking he had organized a surprise party or something. He actually just took me grocery shopping. FML
Today, I caught my fiance lying about being at work. Furious, I started breaking his things, demanding to know what skank he'd been sneaking around with. He gave me a stack of receipts, saying he'd been Christmas shopping. He's not cheating, just getting me everything I wanted. God, I'm a psycho. FML
Today, my husband bought me a beautiful pair of earrings for my birthday, to match the necklace he'd spent months searching for online the previous year. What necklace? He gave me a watch he found at Walmart last year. I wonder who the lucky girl with the necklace is. FML
Today, I decided to go through my husband's phone to make sure I invited everyone to the surprise party I was planning for him. There were a few I had missed so I called to let them know about it. The last number I called was his girlfriend. FML
Today, my husband ran in to get something, shouted that he “had to go, I’ll call you later, bye” then ran out. At no point did he notice the wrapped present, his favourite meal and beer, and me naked on the living room carpet waiting to celebrate his birthday. I still don’t know where he is. FML
Today, my husband got home on my birthday and told me he went overboard and bought a real expensive gift for his favourite girl. He then turned round and gave the real expensive gift to the girl in question, his 3 year-old niece. It’s not even her birthday. I got fuck all. FML
Today, I got to spend the entire day shopping for lingerie with the man of my dreams. He bought everything I'd ever wanted and more! Too bad it was for another woman. FML
Today, my husband said he was going to get errands. According to his job’s Instagram page which I follow, he was actually at his work Christmas formal. He never invited me. That’s not all. I also found his wedding band in the bathroom sink. Very close to the drain. FML
Today, I found out what it's like to have your boyfriend's mom find your hidden stash of condoms in your car, then spend the next two hours shopping with her. Alone. FML
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Top comments
Paco_el_Taco 17
Looks like the gift of divorce to me. Oh and Happy Birthday!
MomentoMori 23
Get rid of him. You deserve better than trash. Happy Birthday! I hope your day gets better!
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Comments (98)
Jghaugland 6
Swiggity swoogity goddamn that sucks booty.
Pancakes017 19
True
limitedition 25
Happy Birthday, OP. Sorry your husband is an asshat but at least you can rid yourself of this loser and focus on making this a healthy & happy year with people who are worthy of you.
mannatee 19
Fml commenters always jump to conclusions. What if there was a reason?
Daveyboy75 11
If there's a good reason for cheating on someone I'd like to hear it
stargirl_95 24
There is never an acceptable reason to cheat on your partner. If there are problems in the relationship then you talk about them, you try to fix them, and if they can't be fixed you get a divorce. You don't cheat
RedPillSucks 33
There's always a reason. Just not an acceptable one for a monogamous relationship.
mannatee 19
What if OP is a complete bitch and deserved it? We don't know anything about her, she could be the nicest person on the planet, or the worst person you could possibly imagine
DogeMan 14
Well I guess divorce then?
MidnaLink 35
There's a new meaning for "Human Waste"; he's a waste of a human being! On another note, how did you find out if he gave you a plausible excuse?
elyx_fml 16
Happy B-Day! May I ask how sou found out?
kaylaaa01 11
I hope you mean ex husband. Sorry OP that does suck. Happy birthday though.
medic_man 13
happy birthday, heres herpes
worldclassrager 41
If his birthday is coming up give him some divorce papers as a gift
winner133 7
That sad :( Happy birthday OP hope you have a good one :)