Intimacy: Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at...

By FavreFan99 - 01/01/2010 17:01 - United States

Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 534

You deserved it 23 620

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Same thing different taste

By Anonymous - 01/01/2013 07:50 - Australia - Sydney

Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 967

You deserved it 3 614

Fast and Furious

By Anonymous - 02/03/2020 01:00

Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML

I agree, your life sucks 880

You deserved it 1 782

By Anonymous - 24/12/2012 19:44 - United Kingdom - Addlestone

Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 836

You deserved it 6 346

By Anonymous - 01/01/2011 05:19 - United States

Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 241

You deserved it 3 697

Not now

By nexus - 25/09/2021 09:59 - Papua New Guinea

Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML

I agree, your life sucks 988

You deserved it 575

By Deweyboy - 10/10/2015 04:33 - United States

Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 412

You deserved it 5 119

Bored

By Taylor parsons - 29/10/2010 04:48 - United States

Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 436

You deserved it 7 540

Narcolepsy

By Isuckreallybad - 06/02/2021 21:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 911

You deserved it 428

I'm gonna come

By Anonymous - 27/09/2021 20:00

Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 173

You deserved it 349

By Proposal Fail - 01/01/2015 05:47 - United States - Holbrook

Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 639

You deserved it 3 751

Bussed 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:08

There are still options at that point...

ironwords 8

Sunday 27 March 2011 1:05

??? are you the product of incest?

Comments

crabbyxboom 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:05

hhahaha. I laughed a little.

tessitada 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:09

You can't get her off without your penis? sad...

yankees1149 0

Tuesday 18 May 2010 3:32

lol

Alien_WEIRDO 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:05

Haha, aw.. that is really sad.

teamwork 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:07

read some sex books

Bussed 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:08

There are still options at that point...

Dawkrida 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:12

hahah nice

KamilleBlack 3

Friday 1 January 2010 23:18

sucks. I guess it wasn't a happy New years after all xD

GanjAxZermA 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:24

maybe ur not that good..

harajukujunkie 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:27

Comment moderated for rule-breaking.

Show it anyway

ironwords 8

Sunday 27 March 2011 1:05

??? are you the product of incest?

stoych 19

Thursday 4 August 2011 10:49

ha ha @ ironwords! i was actually reading as that too!

RachaelAnna92 3

Wednesday 10 September 2014 23:00

Haha really? Wow you just amazed me with your stupidity!

RachaelAnna92 3

Wednesday 10 September 2014 23:01

hahahaha she sure sounds like it!

crudeandrudeguy 29

Monday 27 July 2015 16:37

See, people get mad at foreigners working in the drive-through but it's people like this that really butcher the English language... SMH

Roseballs 2

Friday 1 January 2010 23:36

why didn't you finger her

Cupcaken 0

Friday 1 January 2010 23:47

celvis excercise! I have no idea if I spelled that right (I'm a dane), sorry? xD

Keywords

Awkward Love Friends Cute Haircut Miscellaneous Relatable Work Cars You're fired Kids Parenting DIY Cats Family Intimacy Sex Am I overreacting? Management Poopoo peepee Coworkers Frustration Capitalism Transportation Animals ADHD Dogs Dating Anxiety Technology

The Top

Today, my dad came home from work complaining about all the people he'd seen. He said he doesn't understand why so many people with problems have to confide in him. He's a psychologist. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 694

You deserved it 3 323

Today, my parents told me that unless I think about my behaviour and make some real changes, people are going to think I’m weird or suspicious, and I’ll never make friends. This is because I choose to attend church on Sundays instead of watching TV and getting drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 358

You deserved it 259

The Top

Today, I was impressing dinner guests by spinning my new baby in the air (something she loves), when she projectile vomited over the dinner table and the guests. My wife, who had spent three hours cooking was not impressed. Once of the guests was also a sympathy spewer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 409

You deserved it 45 253

Today, I got to go to the water park with my class. I jumped over the rails that maintain lines because there was nobody around and managed to break a toe. Hello, 7+ hours of roasting in the sun, watching 500 other kids have a great time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 673

You deserved it 6 367

Today, I was teaching a high school calculus class. I wrote a complex formula on the board. As I wrote, students asked if they could take a picture of the board and circulate it. I said yes, and I was pleased as everybody seemed to be taking pictures. Soon, I realized why: my skirt was tucked into my underwear. Within a few minutes, every student in the school had an email with a picture of my ugliest pair of floral-printed panties. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 235

You deserved it 480

Today, it's gotten to the point where I can't afford my ADD medication anymore. Now, I'm literally too poor to pay attention. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 104

You deserved it 98

Today, I have an orthodontist's appointment, and I told my best friend that I was going to get my teeth fixed. She replied, "Wow, thanks. Your smile's really awful to have to look at." FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 272

You deserved it 4 385

Today, my girlfriend told me that I have “too much foreskin” and that I’d need to get circumcised if we were going to stay together. I’m already circumcised. FML

I agree, your life sucks 5 696

You deserved it 385