Today, my girlfriend told me it was her fantasy to orgasm at midnight on New Years. We got started at 11:53. I didn't last until midnight. FML
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Thanksgiving
Questions about your love life, a burnt turkey and the cousin who knows everything: Thanksgiving, a contact sport.
Today, during the countdown to midnight, I looked for my girlfriend so I could kiss her as 2013 began. I found her just in time to see her making out with some guy she swore was "only a friend." FML
Today, my girlfriend were having sex. When I finished, she whispered in my ear, "30 seconds." FML
Today, I gave my girlfriend an orgasm. It was great until mid-gasm when she swung her arm out and knocked me out. She still can't stop laughing. FML
Today, I was about to kiss my girlfriend right as the clock struck midnight for New Year's. She put her hand in front of my mouth, and broke up with me. FML
Today, my girlfriend gets horny at the most inconvenient times. She woke me up to have sex at 2 a.m. I have work at 6 a.m. FML
Today, while playing a game, my girlfriend told a bunch of our friends that she's never had an orgasm. News to me. FML
Today, my girlfriend was going down on me. She only did it for 30 seconds, stopped, then said, "I'm not in the mood anymore." FML
Today, my girlfriend fell asleep during sex. This isn't the first time. FML
Today, despite warning my new girlfriend I suffer from bad premature ejaculation, and should get her to orgasm first with my hand or mouth, she insisted I “just fuck her already” then she blamed me when it was over in 15 seconds. FML
Today, my proposal to my girlfriend was supposed to be exactly when the ball dropped at midnight. Unfortunately my mother called her at 11:55pm to ask her if she liked the ring. FML
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Top comments
Bussed 0
There are still options at that point...
ironwords 8
??? are you the product of incest?
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Comments (98)
sweetbiotch88 0
Oh yeah gimme whatta want....... But you can't. So ya f you effin life
beanstalk0311 0
Hahaha wow you're one ballsy guy to even admit to such a thing. But nonetheless, you suck and should perhaps kill yourself.
J_Rodriguez112 0
lmao @ #18 u should be ashamed. not the right way to start the yr. off
ClarehTM 0
LOL at how short you last and LOL that you couldn't finish her off another way.
FD929 0
Way to start her new year with disappointment. F her L for having a selfish BF who can't take the time to learn how to please her. If you're so sensitive that you last 3 GD minutes you need to double bag that shiz.
Ninjaface 0
Luckily for her, she didn't specify that you had to be the one to give her the New Year's ******. If you've been together for a while, I'm sure she knows what to do.
transcedental 18
oh sweety, i am so sorry :/ look at the bright side - at least u spent ur new year with ur sweetheart, doing pleasant activities ;) not all of us had that chance :P
butterflyhearts 0
I agree atleast they were together
cdawg4444 0
it's all in the tongue.
ufcgsp92 0
lmao dude... pace yourself bro
xriley 0
Ninja Art Hold Come In No Jutsu learn it :D