Today, my girlfriend dumped me and left me with the responsibility of the turtle that I never wanted but she insisted we buy "together." A little bit of research has revealed that Andre will live for "at least 30 years." FML
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Wild Nights Out
Last call, bad decisions and 3 a.m. texts you'll regret until noon. Cheers.
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me for refusing to have anything to do with "our" pet snake. The same snake I told him not to buy for his son a few months ago, because I knew the kid would get bored with it and dump the responsibility onto us. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because I didn't take her pet rock seriously. FML
Today, I bought a turtle after wanting one for years. I was told that he was scared, so he would be put in a box for me to take home. It wasn't until I got to my car that I noticed that they sold me a dead turtle. I'm not getting a refund because they claimed I killed it in less than 5 minutes. FML
Today, my girlfriend dumped me because her dog "told her to". FML
Today, I just came back from the vet. I spent a lot of money on a pet tortoise at the local pet store and it didn't come out of its shell when I bought it. The owner just said it sleeps in the day and it'll be shy for a week or so. Turns out it was dead. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I broke up. He now argues that he should keep the dog. We only dated for three months, and I've had the dog since I was ten. FML
Today, my girlfriend of 3 months broke up with me via text and said she was keeping the cat. I've had the cat since for seven years since she was a kitten. FML
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me because I don't understand the bond between him and his stuffed goose. He's 36. FML
Today, I had to convince my 20-year-old boyfriend that not only is his aquatic turtle a reptile, but that it's also cold-blooded and thus can't regulate its own temperature just by going into its shell. He still thinks I'm the stupid one. FML
Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I dropped our daughter. Our hypothetical daughter. Represented by a stuffed owl. FML
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Top comments
arela 0
give it away give it away give it away now
under_estimated 0
i would just give the turtle away
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Comments (366)
ThatFatGuyBehind 3
NINJA TURTLE SOUP!!!!!!!!
RebekahBrooke 9
its the kid you'll never have with her.
HannahPaloozah 0
drop it off at ur gfs house and run away, take it to a pond or give it away
anddaman 0
turtle soup!
motionplaylist 0
I'm in love with this turtle's name.
Dalb95 0
Andre the turtle? Sounds black. He'll live to age 15 if you're lucky, most of them join up in the gangs and carry guns.
TheMemaimo 8
why would you not want a turtle?
gingerninjadude 8
Mail it to me I've always wanted a turtle!!
nadiel_fml 0
Put the turtle in the sewer with some radioactive stuff. Then wait 3 days and you will have a new superhero for your community. Rid youself of the turtle, and stop crime... think about it
rachelever 0
Give it up 4 adoption