I know it's probably a mistake... but I laughed when I saw this was under "intimacy" instead of "work."

You should talk to HR about it and make sure you make a paper trail.

Wow. Hoping you work somewhere with a Human Resources area to speak, too, especially if you have leave they need to pay out. If not, you'll just have to make him listen.

Probably under the "intimacy" category because this person was intimate with the boss. And boss doesn't want to lose the office sex, so keeping you around. Maybe you'll get a raise!

You must be a really excellent employee OP! So the boss, doesn't want to lose you, for fear of repurcussions on the company..

Email your direct boss and their boss and/or HR. Save the sent copy. Then just don't go back.

I guess your just too valuable to let go :)

Boss: "I resign your resignation" OP: "I don't think that's how it wor..." Boss: "Shhh... Only employment now."

Ask for double your current salary.

Your boss can't do that. You might have to stay for a few months before you can legally leave, but after that, they can't stop you. Make sure to give your boss an official letter stating your decision to quit, and keep a copy of it!